05-06 TOA R1: BelleOfTheNight v. Samurai Kenji I

[Bryan]

As the berserker thrust his blade at the creature, it sunk in deep, piercing his right lung. The Unknown let out a shriek as his blood began to fill his lung. Gurgling sounds could be heard by the creature as he gasped for air. Clearly now out of his mind, he grabbed the blade and began to pull himself closer, sliding the blade in deeper and becoming closer to the berserker. Once at the handle of the blade, he grabbed onto the handle, touching the hands of the berserker.

The Unknown's hands were bloody and trembling. The Unknown muttered his first words to his foe in a rhaspy and blood curdling voice.

"You...can't....kill....*gurgling and gasping for air*....me.".

He began to black out slightly and quickly snapped back into full alert, looking the berserker in the eyes.

"You...fight...well...though...you...cannot... win. I...will...kill...us...both...before...you...kill. ..me...", said the monster.

With those words, he gripped at the berserker's hands. The jaw mechanism began to run again. Still impaled on the sword to the handle, he swung his head in blindly for an attempt to latch onto the berserker. If he succeeded in this move, the two would be locked together. The Unknown pinned by the berserker's sword, the berserker held by the Unknown's horrible jaw mechanism.

If the hit was landed, it would truely be an obstacle for them both to escape...

[Akira]

Just as the Samurai realised that he had landed the hit on the monstrosity, he was blessed by a sigh of relief. However, this quickly faded when he realised the freak was enjoying this for some reason. It then attempted to throw its jaw mechanism onto the Samurai's hand to lock them both into a sort of stand still.

The Samurai pulled away his hand and let a really cocky smile petrude from his face, when suddenly he noticed he had started to celebrate to early. His hand started to jerk drastically, almost in a seizure-like movement.

"Aaarrrggghhh!!!! Damn you freak!"

He had actually been entangled by this weird contraption which covered his opponent's face, hiding the mangled and no doubt scarred grimace.

Again he felt the warm feeling of blood trickle from his arm, slowly making its way down to his wrist and eventually making its decent to the cold and lifeless ground in the labyrinth. He then stuck his finger onto the warm river
which was flowing from his wound.

"You think this hurts me? I am the invincible Giroan Berserker...Muhahaha. Nothing shall ever destroy me" he said as he slowly took the blood stained finger to his mouth and tasted it. It almost seemed like he was testing it in some way. This was rather a tactic to destract the monster and let it think he was truly undefeatable.

The blood started to pump throughout his body rapidly; he started to panic and could not foresee what would happen next. Eventually another kick of adrenaline shot through his body.

With a massive heave he attempted to lift the monster and keep him in a sort of stalemate, pinning him against the ceiling, maybe even getting one of the many contraptions to stick with in his body....

[LocoColt04]

We won't be as thorough with the two of you, considering there were sixteen posts between you. And it's after midnight. And trying to be slightly humorous while writing these judgments proves to be somewhat difficult at times.


post001 - BelleOfTheNight

Now, I don't see this anywhere in your post, but a certain someone claims you had Patient 520 and the Unknown interacting with one another in your intro. Since I can't see that even implied anywhere in your post, I won't think any more about it, but know this for future reference -- your real life character and your virtual character CANNOT exist on the same plane. All I see is that Patient 520 was subsconsciously witnessing the environment and the Unknown, which is perfectly fine since it's all in his head anyway. But, if you could confuse one reader, you could possibly confuse your opponents. Just something to keep in mind. To me, it's a perfectly legitimate introductory post (written quite well, might I add), but the way I see things isn't always the way everyone else sees them.

Anywho, I'm rambling. Intros aren't important to the fight anyway in terms of judgment, so I'll cut myself off here.


post002 - Samurai Kenji I

Holy crap. Long post. Nice. It's seriously not bad, and you give a pretty good setup, as well as an awareness of the environment provided for you. Good interactions leading up to the start of the fight. You're also the only person from round one who started the action at the end of his introductory post. For that, I give you three thumbs up. Because I can.


post003 - BOTN

I'm sorry... I couldn't help but laugh. "Horrible jaw mechanism," eh? The mere thought of the Unknown trying to bite his opponent while attempting to wrap him with a chain amuses me. Points for style.


post004 - SKI

Dimention, huh? At first, I thought "wow, good diction" until I realized it wasn't a real word. I even checked. (But I know what you meant.) It doesn't count against you, but I chuckled at it. I do, however, find it slightly unbelieveable that a swinging chainsaw wouldn't do any damage to your armor.


post005 - BOTN

Patient 520 screamed in agonizing pain, enough to make him arch his back in the seat he was strapped into. He began to flail violently and breathe heavily in short, fast breaths.

YAY! Someone who incorporates the real world into his posts without placing the real character into the fight itself. You should see the grin on my face. Lots of commas which slowed you down a bit, but a good job trapping your opponent without being moddish about it.


post006 - SKI

Nicely done, this time. My only advice here is to ease off on the reiteration of what your opponent's already written. A slight recap of his attack phase is fine, but recapping your own gets to be repetitive. That's not just directed at you, but moreso at everyone in this tournament. Why I chose to mention it here is beyond me. It just seemed like an abrupt halt in the action, so I had to say something. In any case... more blood! I'm not sadistic or anything (yeah right), but this is what I like to see. People who aren't afraid to take a hit.


post007 - BOTN

Whew. A bit long-winded this time. (PP2, s1 - what a mouthful!) Clever, clever boy, tossing that chainsaw of yours into another corner while sneaking around to plot a different attack.


post008 - SKI

That first paragraph is certainly an eyeful. I feel you're relying too much on recapping the previous post. Something to keep in mind next round.

He started to creep on the floor, being as silent as was possible,

No offense, but exactly how can you be silent with all of that armor? Seems implausible.


post009 - BOTN

Ouch. Broken glass flying at my face isn't something I'd ever want to encounter, especially when it's the first thing I'm seeing after a few minutes shrouded in darkness. I'd probably wet myself.


post010 - SKI

OUCH! Getting hit with the aforementioned lightbulb sucks. That's one of those hits I can actually feel, you know? You do a bit better with this post than your previous ones, but the ending line is a bit cliché, wouldn't you agree? Of course you'll need a new attack if you miss. ^_^;;


post011 - BOTN

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! I love it. More insight to the world outside of your mind. Bringing the real world into your post without actually disrupting anything... beautiful.


post012 - SKI

'So you have truly gone mad you disgusting distorted beast? I shall now show you the true power of the Giroan Berserker and show you the legend of Jin' he growled at his enemy with a most ferocious tongue. A warm liquid started to flow through the blood of the warrior, one that was even more gentle than his own blood. He could feel his whole body speed up, his sense started to improve dramatically and he could feel the change that was to follow. Suddenly, the berserkers’ muscles started to twist and crack, and then they were flailing wildly until he could see them start to grow, ever more. He continued to grow and feel the strength pump throughout his body. These were the side effects of his steroid substance that would boost him and bring him into his berserker rage.

That's the same godmod that almost got you disqualified from your fight against Suzu Kitamura in the RPB forum. If this newfound power ends up making you even more powerful than you already are (face it... nearly impenetrable armor and a sword that slices through metal with ease is pretty close to being moddish in itself), there won't be much trouble in the decisionmaking process...

On that note, your attack sequence contradicts itself. If the two of you are only two meters apart, you're within arms-reach. There's no need to march toward your opponent or slowly raise your sword. By the time you take a step forward, you'd be dead. It might seem like a little meaningless thing, but being aware of your positioning is very important.


post013 - BOTN

Didn't expect you to backtrack as much as you did with this post, but it was for a good reason. Removal of armor makes things interesting, especially with Akira's newfound power.


post014 - SKI

I know we don't judge the tournament with grammar as a factor as it used to be back when I used to participate, but man, it really kills you in this post. You're a bit comma-happy, and it's slaughtering the flow. The most important things in an RPB are complete thoughts, sensible actions, and an uninterrupted flow.

As the massive chainsaw came swinging around again, the Berserker saw as it once again approached him.

Read that sentence to yourself. You'll see what I mean.

Only one thing about your attack phases really bothers me. When Akira transforms into Jin (or assumes the power of Jin, however it really happens), you mention speed. He's incredibly fast, so I'm curious as to why every attack comes around slowly.


post015 - BOTN

Again with that jaw of yours! Freaking insane. I seriously did not expect to come across a successful attack at this point in the thread, let alone one that threatens to kill the Unknown. Certainly a way to catch your readers off-guard.


post016 - SKI

Saying you're invincible and acting like you're invincible are two different things. You do both. I want to know exactly how Akira pulled his hand away from the jaw mechanism if it actually connected.



Recap: This fight started off fairly equal, but Belle's experience began to shine as the thread wore on. It was certainly entertaining though, which is the most important part here. It's rare to get a thread of this length. I like.


Kenji, keep practicing. This tournament will do you well, my friend. Ever since Akira transformed, there was this looming godmodding effect. You never blatantly broke any rules, but you pushed the envelope a bit too far. There's a difference between putting your opponent in a difficult position and putting your opponent in an impossible position. You're improving though, which is good. I know this is all just some fantasy make-believe story, but in the interest of fairness, you have to be a bit more realistic about it.



Victor: BelleOfTheNight