Mess From Love

[diaryofjane]

Here is the intro to my latest work. I hope that you all like it.

A fight that is the result of love. Love can bring about happiness, but it can also bring about destruction. This so happens to a beautiful couple. The names of those two people are Rissa, and Drake. They are right for each other, and no one else, so they thought.

Rissa is a small red head, with brown eyes. She has her heart in the right place and her head on right. She has a sharp tongue and is very funny. She has the smile that can chase away the meanest storm that this Earth can throw at you. Rissa is a nice girl. But for Drake he is the same in some ways. You can tell that they were perfect for each other. Drake has brown hair and eyes. He is taller than Rissa, and he has a big nose. But like I said they are the same in many ways.

The day that their love destroyed everything, Rissa was out with her friends. They were talking about the good old days, in which they went to high school together. More or less they where in deep conversation about their Marching Band and Winter Guard days.

But as the girls were talking a group of very hansom guys walk over to their table. All of the girls are single, well Rissa is not. But of course all of them are college students both the girls and guys. So they talk, most of Rissa friends go with the guy who was just like them. All but one, Mae O’berg and the young man she just ment, along with the nice young man that is talking to Rissa. At that moment some one that knows Drake walks by. Mae notices this. She leans over to Rissa.


Hey sorry if it isn't good it is just for fun, it is just something i do when i'm board. Plus i'm sutding in history not english.

[Chez Daja]

Just a question:

How the Hell can you end an Introduction to a story or novel with "She leans over to *character name*?"

How much writing experience do you actually have? This was very rushed and needs rethinking from the start.

[Mistress Sheena]

I'm going to have to agree with Chez, and add the note that you should not make it a big block of text and make it forum friendly by spacing out your paragraphs.

You know, like this. =P