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Old 05-25-2008, 07:34 PM Level: 28  HP: 91 / 694
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T.G. Oskar presents: Ark Ein: Die Genese

Alright, guys, I know some of you peeps in MSN asked me to show some of my work around, and I promised I would deliver.

Here, I honor my word.

This is the first chapter of a story I am working, a very, very long story. It is essentially a science/fan-fiction, borrowing elements from various resources. This is still a work on progress, where the actual style has not yet been defined. This chapter would be the 3rd revision of the story, from the original version: the first was written in both Spanish slang and English, and the second version was a translation of the first.

So, without further ado, allow me to present the first chapter of my story. Feel free to critique as you wish. It still has no name, so if you wish to support with the naming, or give up some ideas, feel free to do so.

NOTE: This seems to be a bit of a hassle between new readers, so I'll add this note. The <> in some of the dialogues denotes a foreign language (in most cases, Spanish), and it's meant to represent a change in the language.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Chapter 1
A Call to Arms

BRRRRT!!! BRRRRT!! BRRRRT!!!

Hunh? Ah, just when I was finishing that dream. My dream girl…” Oscar woke up to the sound of a screaming buzzer, one of those new digital alarm clocks with a loud sound. He quickly proceeded to turn it off, lest his roommate be awakened by such an infernal sound. Sadly for him, his roommate could not have a pleasant sleep, and Oscar was struck by a flying pillow from an angry sleepy fellow.

<"Hey, ****er!! Better wake up now!! I passed all night studying for the Circuits test, and haven't had a shut-eye. That test's gonna be a bomb...!!!"> replied Jorge, Oscar’s not-so-nice roommate. But, Oscar was not a very early bird sleeper, and he was good at feigning sleep. <"Sure, then you played Mario on the NES. Yeah, suuuuure, I believe you...."> Jorge responded with an even sour reply: <"Dude, ****, that was for distraction, to rest up a bit. Lemme sleep, I gotta study a bit more later on. Wake up, and you better make no noise, 'k?"> Oscar was still groggy from the light sleep, and disconnected from the world. He made an attempt to reconnect, looking at the calendar.

April 23, 1993.

Taking his luggage bag, the one where his underwear was, Oscar went into the bathroom, and began his day by taking a good look at the mirror: long black hair, brown tired eyes, a dour face greeted him back. He took a very lengthy bath, washed his teeth, and put on his briefs and blue denim jeans. Returning to the room, he tried as much not to make a sound, though his efforts were in vain. At least, Jorge had not awakened up; he gained a little degree of tolerance towards Oscar’s noise, and he tried even harder to make as little noise as possible. Checked the clock; 7:25 AM, only 5 minutes before his laboratory started. That did not worried him; rather, he was quiet. It was natural for him to be late for his first classes, despite being reprimanded by tardiness. It was his nature, and there was no way for him to change. Oscar dressed with a black Metallica t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers he only wore for laboratories, altough it was his preference to wear sandals to college instead. He tied up his hair in a single tail, after a decent dose of styling gel and a few minutes of combing. Taking one last look at the mess of a room he shared, he realized: his side was the messiest, full of used clothes, books, and luggage. A small TV was at a distance, connected to a Nintendo console. He awaited for the day he could have a SNES, but the system was costly for his lifestyle. Yet, he was saving some of his work earnings for buying it, and almost had the money already.

Gulping a small serving of cereal and some fruit punch, he walked all the way to the "Colegio", the affectionate name given to the Mayaguez Campus of the University of Puerto Rico, the public university of the island. The day was cloudy…dark cloudy. Oscar feared the worst: a thunderstorm and he hadn’t even gotten outside of his dorm. At the distance, he could hear a faint radio, tuned to a popular radio show…

<"...these are Frankie Jay and Red Shadow, in your favorite show, 'Cuckoo's Nest in the Morning', on La Mega 106.9. Right now, 7:40 AM and...hey, Red, that's still on vogue, about governor Rosselló with the **** Tracy attire, closing the 20th Century...let's go for some calls. Hello?...> Oscar was not a very adept fan of radio, but he liked to listen to that program every now and then. Yet, he hasted a bit, considering the hour. He sped towards the gates of the university when his fears materialized: the sound of thunder, and the flash of lightning, tore the darkened sky. ”Aw heck, not this!!! Not only I’m late, there’s a thunderstorm brewing right in midway. Bet I’ll be struck by lightning…that’s the last thing I expect to happen. This will be a BAD day, for sure…” Oscar sped even more, racing to evade the looming rain. He could see the column of rain from a distance, drawing closer. Fortunately for him, he outrunned the rain: he saw the first drops fall just as he reached the halls of Celis building, where he took his laboratories. He made a last-time check, very quickly: safety goggles, lab coat, lab notebook…perfect. He dashed to the lab room, where he was greeted by the lab instructor, Mr. Morales.

<"Late as always, eh? I imagined. Move on: the experiment has begun without you, I have already given the explanation of the process. Please wear your coat and goggles. Let this be the last time you do this to me, you hear??"> Oscar was a bit angry by the instructor’s attitude. Definitely not a very good day to come to class. Shoulda stayed asleep: that way, I’d dream of her. One more year, and she could be available. But, meh, she ain’t gonna be with a poor guy like me, and by the time I finish engineering…she’ll be married. Think more to Earth, Oscar. Keep on Earth, don’t go daydreaming, he thought to himself as he proceeded to enter the lab.

Later that day…

<"Going">

<"Yeah, gotta help on Dr. Suárez's investigation with that study of the...thing he made to prevent corrosion. I'll see ya tomorrow. Hey, there's the game tomorrow, right? Last time Ángel couldn't come, so I dunno if he'll come today. You know?">

<"Yeah, he's coming tomorrow to throw up the campaign. What happened last time, you remember?">

<"Dude, on Azthalox's Castle. We were gonna fight against Semess and that ****er of Rook, the one that got us all last time. Better be prepared, 'k? Oh, and don't skip it, we need that Mage-User of yours, else we'll be screwed.">

<"And? That paladin of yours better not miss...heck, you never miss out a game. You'd miss only if you got hit by a car, or struck by lightning, I dunno why I have to tell you this. Anyways, see you tomorrow, alright?">

<"Yeah, see you tomorrow"> With those words, and still under a cloudy sky, Oscar made it to the laboratory of Dr. Suarez, to aid on his investigation. He was going to work alone with the doctor, as all the other people were busy with their exams. Oscar’s exam was in about 2 days, so he could help the doctor today. The ominous sound of thunder rumbled again, as lightning tore the cloudy night sky. Almost a déja vu, like earlier in the day…

Dr. Suarez left for a while to attend a fellow professor, so Oscar was alone for the moment. He needed a magnet bar to collect a piece of treated nickel that fell to the ground recently. He was a bit afraid, because of the lightning, but he quickly dismissed those thoughts. Not like a lightning’s gonna arc and strike you from the distance. You’re safe from the lightning in here, so just go and grab the magnet, get out, and that’s it. Oscar went to the table at the window, right after a lightning bolt flashed briefly in the distance. Grabbing the magnet, Oscar turned away, disposing to grab the small bar stuck between two tables with a small cord.

Then, it happened.

Just as Oscar turned, a violent blast of lightning struck his back, rushing him to the wall almost at the other side of the room. He met the table adjacent to the wall head-on, knocking him senseless. His body lay unconscious, almost lifeless, a severe burn marking his back, burnt polyester mingling with exposed burnt flesh. The blast melted the window, and almost instantly, a harsh vacuum broke it, upturning the metal bars and leaving a faint scent of ozone. A telltale sound of thunder echoed, as the doctor entered back, horrified by the sight. <"HELP!!! HELP!!! STUDENT WOUNDED!!! CALL AN AMBULANCE, QUICK!!!">

--

Drifting in a shadow, Oscar stood floating. He, however, looked different: he had no clothes, and his body emanated sparks of electricity. In his mind, his subconscious, Oscar couldn’t help but wonder if he was dead. Is this what people experience when they die? ****, I can’t die yet. Mami’s gonna suffer if I don’t wake up now. Ugh, I feel like if Andre the Giant had pummeled me with his big fists, like if I was drunk beyond the limits. What happened? Wait…I felt something striking my back, and all my body felt numb. Like…like a electric shock!!! **** it…I’m dead. I’ll just go where the white light leads me. Hope it leads to Heaven… Oscar opened his eyes, only to see complete darkness. He felt conscious, but strangely as if asleep. Made no sense…awake and sleeping? He was dreaming, that’s for sure… He saw as the sparks of energy surged his body, his naked body. His chubby constitution was replaced by a more muscular physique. He felt like floating, drifting, in nowhere. Instinctively, he searched for a light, a sound: anything that sounded real in all this oblivion. Surely, he was in a sort of complete void. Nothingness. Ginningagap…the Nothing.

Suddenly, he heard a voice. A male voice. A familiar voice. “Wake up, Oscar…”. In English? He spoke English to his friends, but he mostly spoke Spanish, almost everyday. Why English? Surely to gain his attention. Big deal. His own thoughts could catch his attention. Perhaps…that kind of attention was not what the voice wanted to capture. Oscar spoke to the voice the only thought that crossed his mind.

Are…are you…God?

Perhaps…who knows? Do you know me? Then, it would have been obvious who I was. That is…if you really knew me. If you believed in me. That means that you probably believe in Me…if that was the first though. Then again…perhaps not...

Alright then…let’s get to business. What do you want from me? I’m a simple guy, an average Joe, a nobody…

Nobody? You are important to me. Everyone is. But you…if you only knew what’s in store...

In…store?

Yes…the forces of darkness…

Erm…God? Dad? Lord? I don’t want to sound rude…IF you are God and not Satan or some figment of my imagination, but…that sounds cheesy, almost like a fiction novel or a cheap Hollywood movie. You expect me to believe that “forces of darkness” will come and do something which you were to explain to me, and I am chosen for something to deal with them? Ok, gotta stop playing D&D…I’m gonna believe soon that I’m a hero of sorts, maybe a paladin even…oh, shi-

Never mind…I care about what you do in life…but that’s not for me to decide. You decide. You can tell me that you worship that loser downstairs and I won’t care. When you realize the truth…you will come to me. And, besides…you’re crying that a game will take you to Hell, and you tend to play the good guy. Why you worry? Anyways, here’s the summary: the war for all of humanity’s souls is going to be taken to the next level.

Next…level?

Yes…this war will no longer be spiritual. It will be…physical. You see, Satan’s tired of doing it the sly way, and will now directly empower his minions with powers. Sounds cheesy? When you see people throwing balls of flame and flying in the sky, just like that game you play…you will remember me. But…I knew that was going to happen. Since the day he betrayed me…I knew he was eventually going to take it to the next level. And…I prepared.

You mean…

Now’s not the time…there will be a time and place where you’ll know everything. You’ll find out that your life will never be the same. You will not be alone. You will, however, need them, and need Me, and they’ll need you, and need Me as well. This war…shall not be won by faith alone. It shall be won by faith, but not by faith alone. Now, you must leave. Your mother’s worried sick. I understand her: losing your father, after all, was a tough one. But, I care for her. And so for you.

Ok, ok…but…wait a sec…you are not speaking and saying “So sayeth the Lord” and all that jig. Modernizing?

Do you…
, the voice spoke a foreign language, sounding like Arabic, which Oscar certainly could not understand. …I’m sorry. I meant that if you could speak Aramaic, or Hebrew. I guess I take the primordial language out of the question. Yes…you could say I’m modernizing.

…Or perhaps the Metatron is modernizing, I assume? Isn’t Metatron the Voice of God?

…that…I’ll let you discover on your own. You still are sucking from your mother’s milk; don’t expect solid food anytime soon. Go…your family awaits…

Just then, a brief flash of light emerged .Oscar drifted into the light, ever faster, as if he was…


THUD!!!! BOOM!!! Loud sounds surrounded the little room where Oscar was hospitalized. It was obvious it was a hospital: he had everything, from the electrodes, the accursed coat, the serum… Oscar laid upon the floor, as if he fell from the bed he apparently rested. A doctor rushed right in, his face mixing relief and worry. <"Wow, I thought you wouldn't wake up. Are you feeling all right? I know you got quite severe burns, and the numbing must be driving you crazy, but I wanted to know if you..."> Oscar felt a bit numb and with pain, but rather than that, he felt fine. <"Eyy, doccc'...nnno worrrs...btt tirrrrd, bttt nnnnthnggg t'wrrry 'bwtttt"> Dizzy and numb, Oscar felt as he was lifted back to the bed, while listening from the doctor: <"...listen, by any means, do not work those muscles, or the torso. Those are badly wounded, and you can get hurt. Relax."> He was about to sleep, when he listened from the distance: <"...patient recovered, but he did it again. This is the third time he has done it. We have to do deeper studies...">

The next morning, Oscar woke up to the sound of chirping birds. He felt no longer numb, but felt tired, hungry, and in pain. He still felt the pain in the back. He inspected the hospital room, which had some series of markings, like if something burnt the wallpaper and cracked the wall. His inspection was interrupted by the nurse, a very lovely Miss Gonzalez. She was a very charming lady, despite her age, and apparently very amiable. <"Good morning, young'un. How you doin'? Look, we gotta clean you and dress you up all nicely for visit. Brought you breakfast. Don't get cocky, boy, I help you eat. Doctor said no needless effort, alright?"> Despite the jolly smile of Miss Gonzalez, Oscar couldn’t help but wonder: the third time? What third time?

<"Um...ma'am, what's today? I lost sense of all time and space. Little bit more, and I'd lose my memory..."> Oscar engaged the nurse in small talk, hoping to draw some information from her. <"Why, sure, son, glad to be of help!!!">

<"Today's May 5th, 1993">

<"W-What!?!?!?">

BZZAP!!!

<"Oh, cripes!! Doctor said no tensions!!! Look at what you did...oh, dear, there's no way to cover it now...">

<"Cover...what?">

<"That."> The nurse pointed at the three spots on the wall. The doctor rushed in, worried.

<"What was that? Patient...did that?">

<"Yeah, doctor. See, I tell him the date and the prick goes and twitches his muscles. And I told him, sure I did...">

<"Um...Miss, I beg your pardon. Not my intention, it's been like...what, more than a week here? Is it that bad?">

<"Erm...well...Oscar, Oscar is it? Please, point your finger to the wall, and twitch those muscles, like if you...well, just do it">

Oscar took a deep breath, as the doctor and Miss Gonzalez backed away from Oscar, as if frightened. He placed his arm towards the wall, extending his index finger. Then, he swiftly twitched his muscle…

BZZZZAP!!! BOOOOOOOM!!!! A ray of pure electrical energy emerged from his finger, much like a lightning bolt. The ray struck the wall, burning the wallpaper and chipping the wall with impulse.

F*****CK!!!! <What the...?>" Oscar slumped, fainted by the surprise and exhausted…

Last edited by T.G. Oskar; 06-22-2008 at 08:13 PM. Reason: Adopting some of Andro's advice.
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Old 05-25-2008, 08:14 PM Level: 42  HP: 693 / 1025
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Haha. Amazing man. Just amazing. I can tell you altered stuff a bit compared to the MSN versions. Really nice though. I'm not a hardcore fan of sci-fi things in general, but this is really good. The character's have personality and it shines right through while you're reading it. My favorite part would have to with Oscar waking up and hearing that voice. I seriously thought he was talking to God at first as well.

Awesome work. Can't wait to see more of this.
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Old 06-05-2008, 04:30 PM Level: 28  HP: 91 / 694
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Hmmm...seems not many attention has been given to this, so I'll post the second part just to see if this brings enough attention. I've gotten a lot of pep in MSN, but I really want more critique to the story.

This one is the second chapter in a running arc, which spans 12 chapters plus 2 side stories explaining some events. Given that this one is really short, it can be digested in like 5 minutes.

I might post later, and perhaps with a different title reflecting the arc's name, so that people don't get that confused and see this is a story, and not something else. Again, critique is appreciated, no matter how harsh it is, and suggestions about how to name the story are to be well-received.

__________________________________________________ _________________
Chapter 2
New Toy

Oscar woke up, trailing the last bit of words he left unspoken. “<...f****k?> Eh…darn. With my darned luck, I bet classes are over and we’re in summer. But…what in tarnation was that? Me? With powers? Turning into some kind of male Storm or something…Odd. Ligthning strikes, next thing I know is, I got powers and was knocked 2 months off course. Nah, that must be something from my imagination. Now, if…I…just…” As he tensed his muscles to lift his body, Oscar felt an unusual spark emerge from it, touching the metal bar. The telltale sound of a spark confirmed his worst fears.

He was no longer an average human. He now could wield easily the powers of thunder and lightning…well, not so easily, but indeed he could manifest energy from his body. He tensed his biceps, showing muscle. Once again, sparks surrounded the muscle, and remained circling as much as he tensed his muscles. Less surprised, he tensed his finger muscles while they faced each other. As expected, an arc of electricity burst from one side of his hands to another. He realized that his right hand produced the arc, and his left hand received the arc. This suggested that his hands could be polarized, and which were his apparent poles.

During the time he was alone, on daylight (or so he thought, as the curtains barely let any light pass), he experimented with his newfound powers. That didn’t meant he wasn’t hungry, but his desire to know was superior. Each time he used his power, he felt a bit tired; exhausted, perhaps, as if energy was drained from him. At first, the exhaustion worried him, but somehow that lifted him suspicions, he could charge and discharge, like a battery; better yet, a living capacitor. To prove this, he approached a nearby outlet with his left hand, no avail. Despair grew again within him; he feared he was misusing his new-found powers. And, in that lapse of thought, he remembered something. He put his Physics skills into practice. Only a mere act of concentration, and remembering how to close a circuit, and Oscar realized he could get energy from more then just food. In fact, he felt revitalized from such: his pain lessened, his wound was no longer a problem. Then, he lost his exhaustion, little by little…

He spent the time charging and discharging himself, aware of his new condition. He pondered for a while about his new powers. The possibilities…and the dangers. He was particularly afraid of electrics. Now capable of manipulating currents, he feared he could not be able to use any machine depending on electricity, lest the machine suffered a short circuit and busted out. Yet…that also meant he was capable of powering up those very same electrodomestics when no energy was available. Ah, the possibilities…

Last edited by T.G. Oskar; 06-22-2008 at 08:15 PM.
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Old 06-05-2008, 05:23 PM Level: 24  HP: 37 / 590
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Well I am enjoying the tale T.G. It has a different feel to it compared to the stuff I normally read, but I have enjoyed reading the first two chapters. Keep posting it up.

I like how you make mention and explain the simpleness of the events that happen. In the last chapter making the point that Oskar gets energy from another source than food. It seems like making those references makes the story flow simply and isn't drawn out.

I do notice that sometimes you use the same word repetitively.
Quote:
Originally Posted by T.G. Oskar View Post
As he tensed his muscles to lift his body, Oscar felt an unusual spark emerge from his body, touching the metal bar.
To me when I read it, it always stumps the flow. I think replacing the second "his body" with "it" might flow better. That is the only thing that caught my eye though.

And to all you who will read this...comment on T.G. Oskar's story. He wants the attention hahaha.
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Old 06-07-2008, 07:39 PM Level: 38  HP: 651 / 925
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I'll comment on the chance we might get more of the story sooner rather than later.
Like I said on MSN, it's good. I just like how you explained the guy knowing his powers were to do with his hands being polarized. Pretty much anyone should be able to figure it out...
How's that for a little attention?
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:04 PM Level: 38  HP: 651 / 925
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Here's chapter three. It's by Oskar, but he can't log on for some reason.
I'm just the messenger.
________________________________


Chapter 3
Life began anew…

Only a short trip down Interstate #2, Oscar had reached his dorm. He was absent for 2 whole weeks, and classes had already finished. He looked down at his notes on his bookbag, which he brought from the hospital. His bookbag was between the few things that accompanied Oscar to the hospital. Oscar found out that the paramedics took his bookbag as requested by Dr. Suarez. He was checking the days for his final exams.

One tomorrow at 7:30 AM, one Thursday… one Saturday? Crap…

Suddenly, a wild bunch of voices interrupted his slight meditation. The voices scared him, but he swiftly regained his calm. He knew that those goosebumps could trigger the impulses he desperately tried to hide.

<"Whoa, 'Cerve' is back!!! How you doin', man? Hey, what the...?">…Oscar was not fond of some nicknames and aliases. Fish was one; el Cerve (B-Man) was another. Granted, he was a bit chubby and he seemed to have a “beer stomach”… Not much anymore, as his stomach was reduced slightly, perhaps due to the days he was unconscious, or perhaps because his body made energy from bodily fat… He barely knew, but he was happy everyone was worried about him. He felt…needed.

<"Hey, hey, Earth to Oscar... Man, you are out of orbit, lost in space. What happens?">

<"No, nothing. I mean, I was thinking. Maybe there is no more need for Beer-Man...apparently I got my tummy slimmed down...">

<"...yeah, man. You're slender, as they say. I hope I get struck by a bolt to get rid of this bloat...">

<"Hey, man, don't **** with that. That's the worst thing that can happen to you. You black out, and don't wake up for days. And, that place hurts like hech afterwards, like if they had done a backbreaker on you...">

<"I bet...but thank God you're safe. That's what matters, you are healthy. We gotta celebrate. You, today, are gonna drink with us to celebrate you're safe and sound...">

<"Uh, listen, I wanna study for tomorrow's test. Lemme rest. Go and drink that for me, mmkay?"> Oscar was not fond of drinking. He was not a drinker, not even a casual drinker, so he tried by all his means to avoid drinking. And, he did wanted to study, and apologize to Dr. Suarez for what happened. Well, more excuse than apologize, as it was…something beyond his control. He retired to his room, his still messy room, and took out his books to study for a while…

The air was flooded with the stench of blood. The land was littered by hundreds of corpses, of each and every kind. Human corpses, corpses of demons, junked tanks and vehicles… In the distance, man fought against each other. Winged beasts soared the skies, balls of flame flew from human hands, rare beasts charged against the human mages, using pikes and bayonets… The sound of rifles, bazookas, missiles, war cries, steel clanking against steel, the cries of the dying… Knights in shining armor, stained with blood, stood hand to hand with battle hardened soldiers wielding automatic rifles, making a stand against mounted men riding dark horses, clad in shadow drapes…

What…the hell…is this? I guess it really must be Hell…

He could notice that some individuals distinguished from the rest. The maniacally laughing woman, wicked flail in hand, facing a beautiful maiden in golden armor and black cloak atop a beast of steel and power, much like the mechas he saw on the anime series in college. The two ladies fought to the death, as steel and spell devastated the land they stepped. Farther away, he could notice a white cloaked blond warrior, manifesting lightning from his blade, crushing dozens of individuals while pressing the advance of a group of armored knights. Two ladies remained close to him: a beautiful girl clad in blue armor, wielding a magnificent saber, and a mature woman in white armor, lifting her blade to the sky. The white maiden’s blade sucked all the magic surrounding, protecting her comrades. A blue-dressed man struck from the shadows, felling many a sorcerer with a well-placed blow. These group was confronted by a pair of cloaked individuals, with shining blades, setting in a rare stance.

But…surrounded by war and bloodshed, by heroes and villains, two figures stood the most. In the distance, a wide area given only to them, the two figures stood still. One was a man cloaked in shadows, shaping darkness by mere force of will. Air circled around him, silently. The other was a man clad in heavy golden armor, wielding two massive blades: a shining saber, with a wide blade, whose guard grew feathery wings, and a massive greatsword surrounded by an aura of despair. The two men clashed, the sky literally ripping apart from the might of these two men.

One had a beautiful face, androgynous, with subtle masculine traits, yet a malicious smile and a dour look in his face. The other…was…

Oscar…

Oscar woke up, the darkness of night still remained. Dawn began to dispel the bleakness of night, giving way to the day. It was fortunate that he was awakened that way, because he had his test today, but… What was that? He? And that man? All those…warriors, sorcerers, soldiers, mecha pilots…He almost liked it…seemed like a really good anime series, but he was baffled to be the apparent protagonist… What was that dream’s meaning? He was only a college student, not a legendary warrior of sorts…he had his powers, but not that skill. He recalled that the other him wielded impossibly large blades in one hand, without flinching. That amount of skill…that battlefield…looked so real…
Disturbed by the odd dream, Oscar proceeded to prepare for leaving. He, of course, had a test to fill, and things to do. He went to the bathroom, and proceeded to open the shower, when the rush of cold water emerged. The sudden impulse produced a mild spark, which Oscar was quick to notice and control. He needed to be wary of those nerves, or he could provoke an accident like he had to someone else…

Later that day…

<"Hey, Oscar! How's it going? Wouldn't have guessed you were the one that got struck by lightning">

<"Hehe, I'm famous now 'cause I got struck by lightning. Twice...">

<"Ah, yeah. No problems, that we solve it next time we play, ok?">

<"Sure, no problem. And, look...sorry for not coming these last two days. I would have loved to play..."> As always, Oscar was hanging with his friends at the Student Center, especially with the geeky guys. He was mostly a geek himself, what with his backwards cap, sandals, and large bookbag, he looked quite nerdy, despite his long hair.

<"It's alright. I understand this was not your fault, so don't worry..."> replied Angel, the resident Dungeon Master of the Student Center, with his usual accent. He shared some things with Oscar: the long hair, the backwards cap, the T-shirt, the mania of always asking for chicken at the cafeteria…but aside all that, they were quite different.

Oscar sat in the far-away tables of the Student Center’s 3rd floor, surrounded by all the people he knew and shared his time with: the kind-natured John; the Gundam guru Pedro, the D&D sage Rafael…all of them people who would be shocked by Oscar’s new secret. If there were people that he had to keep his secret safe from, it would be them. But, they were just about the few people that he could entrust his secret. Sooner or later, they would know. He hanged out with them almost all day, so it was natural for him to reveal some of his dreams and secrets. Like the fact that his dream girl was none other than this year’s Miss Puerto Rico…dreams and secrets like that. Thus, he figured that one day, that utmost secret would be revealed.

I bet they’ll be surprised when they know about my powers. But I can’t tell them…or anyone. They’ll be shocked, amazed…won’t look at me the same way. They be like ‘oh, that’s really awesome’ and ‘darn, where did you get that?’ I bet Pedro will justify that since I exist, Gundams can exist. And they’ll be like ‘we thought you would do that’ if I tell them that I want to play a race with electric powers…like that dream I had. Lemme see, by the looks of it, he must be an epic Fighter, with overwhielming Strength, and loads of magic items…Stop dreaming, Oscar…stop dreaming…

Oscar’s mind wandered off to dreamland once again, as he imagined being a popular star, known by everybody, his dream girl Dayanara at his side. Smiling faces, flash of lights, the sound of paparazzis inquiring about their greatest secrets…and everyone knew him. He was famous. A superstar.

His dream was interrupted by his friends, who wanted to eat something outside of college. As always, he would go in Adam’s car, with John, who usually accompanied him to eat something. They decided to go to the nearest Denny’s restaurant, to hang out together and keep talking for a while. He was quite hungry, and hadn’t eaten anything for the day, so he would ask for something big. He wished he could drink one of the shakes, but he always asked for something big like T-Bone steak, and since he ate many appetizers, he was full by the time he reached dessert.

Not this time. This time…he was unusually hungry… He ate the appetizers, as normal: a bunch of mozzarella sticks, and asked for a large salad afterwards. His hunger unable to be satisfied, he went for main course immediately: a large T-Bone, with baked potato and rice, which he gulped almost instantly. He was still hungry by the time he reached dessert, so he could finally ask for his shake. Yet, despite the shake, he felt hungry, as he hadn’t eaten anything in the day. In fact, he felt…hungrier…

<"Eh, I dunno what's happening, but I'm still hungry. I ate all mozzarella sticks, one chicken salad, the T-Bone, the shake and I'm hungrier than ever.">

<"Say what?!?!? All you ate, and you still hungry?">

<"Even I am speechless. I got money, I pay for all of my stuff, don't worry...">Having said that, Oscar proceded to ask for more food…

Three chicken salads, five quesadillas, two hamburgers, one Country-Fried Steak, 4 sandwiches, and 2 milkshakes with 3 sundaes and 2 slices of pie and cake later, Oscar finally satisfied himself, his friends and everyone in the restaurant baffled by the sight. Oscar ate in a single serving what 3 people would eat for an entire day, much to his own amazement.

<"Damn, Oscar, this time you've overdone it...all that food, in one day? How the hell...?">

<"Must have been not eating for two days...though I doubt it...">

But he knew better…or at least he suspected.

It was his body, which needed more “fuel” for his powers and to keep going on. He was discovering more about himself, and his new situation. He knew he couldn’t eat more than needed, or that at least, he needed to compliment his food with direct energy intake from a nearby outlet, in order to keep the image of a normal being.

__________________________________________________ _____________________
Far away, on an unknown office, at an undisclosed location…

“Yes sir…we’ve received reports from a certain Dr. Martin Gutierrez that there are signs of a person developing rare powers…”

“…Lieutenant Thompson, you know better no tto trust on what people can say… It is impossible that some…individual…can develop powers, or use magic, or things that belong to fiction. They say about psychic powers, but I’m saying that must be bull…”

“I’m sorry sir. I won’t bother you with those news again. Though, he admits there are witnesses, and that he can generate more power than a nuclear explosion, were it to be harnessed as energy…”

“As I said, that’s a blatant lie. You’re dismissed, Lieutenant”

“Sir, yes sir” Upon leaving the office, Lieutenant Marlon Thompson thought about the “strange event” that happened last week on Puerto Rico, as reported by intelligence agents. The agents claim that a man, who calls himself Dr. Martin Gutierrez, speaks of a young man capable of developing rare and unusual powers to manipulate lightning. He thought of it as falsehood, but still needed to report that to the pertinent authorities. Which meant reporting to the stoic and skeptic Captain Arlo Jenkins, the kind of guy who barely believed in electrical energy himself. Thompson was baffled by such a report, and that intelligence agents reported that to him, when such a thing was not even possible…

Meanwhile, in Capt. Jenkins’ office…

“Yes…I would like to speak with the assistant director of the CIA’s Paranormal Investigation Services. There’s a new case happening, and I would like to conduct the investigation. I find the case…rather interesting…”

“Yes sir, right away…”, the voice replied from the telephone. In his desk, a file of about 9-10 pages, marked “CONFIDENTIAL – TOP SECRET – U.S. ARMY INTELLIGENCE” all over the folder, stood open. In the report, speaking of a paranormal event regarding national security, a photo of Oscar was placed, in the scene where he was struck by lightning. The report contained a rather burnt paper, a kind of reading, which was outlined at a very disturbing part. The markings, written in inkpen, were accompanied by a remark, which said:

UNUSUAL READINGS: THE MACHINE WAS CHECKED TO EXHAUSTION, AND THE DAMAGE RECEIVED INDICATES THE COUNTER WAS NOT DEFECTIVE AT THE MOMENT OF THE READING. THE RESULTS ARE 98.375% RELIABLE. FORWARD TO POSSIBLE CONSIDERATION TOWARDS FUTURE EXPERIMENTATION. RELAY TO CIA – PIS IMMEDIATELY.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Etria. Or High Lagaard. Two fave hanging places.

   Posts    1,069
        


First things first: I *did* authorized Nate via MSN to post the third chapter, in case you somehow still wondered. Had some entry problems in here, and people wanted me to post the third chapter, so there.

Second: indeed, I received a lot of pep on MSN, and I was asked to post it in here. However, it was weird that few people were interested in commenting after I posted it. Hence, why I was asking, requesting, to increase the comments to add more content. I know, it's a bit shame-less, but had to do it so that I could raise interest. I know: perhaps the first few chapters had little action, but eventually the action picks up...a little. I mean, there's no 5 pages full of kicks and punches, just a description of action. After all, why give a detailed description of a fight when the character has little training even in his own powers?

Third, the original form is very different from what is presented in here. The first version had English and Spanish intertwined (most of the dialogue on brackets was originally in Spanish), and with feedback, it has developed into a full English version. Also, as more people read it, more errors on writing people find, and I improve. I love feedback, so the more the merrier, alright? This is the main reason I seek for feedback: to improve with writing, and to make a more interesting story.

So, having explained a bit more of stuff (and still asking a nice name for the entire series, as well), I give you the fourth chapter. There's 12 chapters plus 2 side stories that are useful explaining some events on the main story, so eventually I'll post them all.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Chapter 4
Becoming a superhero…

The period of final exams was finally over. Oscar thought that his “accident” would negatively affect his grades, but the event made not a dent on his grades. The exams were hard: calculus, physics, chemistry… And finally, he was at his house, that two-story townhouse on the border between Río Piedras and Carolina. Near his first, and only, school he assisted, with the same nuns, the same priest, the same parish… Nothing had changed in old Villa Olímpica. Except him...

Oscar struggled to remain a normal person, despite the accident. There, at his dorm, he was capable of consuming all the energy he needed to subsist, without anyone noticing. At least, he thought no one noticed. But, he was careful. Not that he was careless, blasting rays out of nowhere, and for no apparent reason. He barely consumed energy: in fact, he barely needed to eat. He ate only to keep the image up. He even managed to feign interest in naturism to get the essential vitamins, to complement his new diet of solid food and electric energy. Now, on his long summer vacation, he could get the rest he needed to think. How? How will he live hiding his powers for the rest of his life?

<"Look, Guillermo, tomorrow we planned to go to the beach, you know, to relax and take a dip. Long time we haven't gone there...">

<"Ma...better not. It's...I feel at times the scar of the bolt burning, and I don't want it to bleed or something like that...">

<"Oh, don't get that cocky, I know that you want to take that dip, and also, the scar closed almost seamlessly. A bit of sun would not go wrong on you, you heard?">

Oscar tried, at least, to prevent any instance of trouble. But, this time it was hard to avoid. He wanted to go to the beach, and his scars healed quite fast. But, he knew for a fact: he didn’t want to endanger other people, and he knew his powers would quickly spread because of the salt water. He was afraid to be even in a pool, were he unable to control his power.

Apparently, the troubles were only beginning…

After a brief yet meaningful family feud because of the beach, Oscar retired to his room, or to the room he used when he was here. He slept with his mother, as there was no other room for him: his sisters had one of the rooms, and his grandmother had the other room of the house. He wanted since long a room for himself, to no avail. That little fact angered him a bit more, because he felt lacking his private space to retire when he needed to feel alone. He had to settle with being called jíbaro (hillbilly) by his family and assisting to the beach, although he could skip going to the water.

He also realized how bad a liar he was. He was quite honest, to a point.

But he placed little importance to the quibble, or to the fact that he was a bad liar, or his lack of privacy. His future was more important: what future he would have, to miss on things he liked in fear of harming somebody. Because the beach was not the only thing he felt had to sacrifice.

He felt incapable of controlling his power. He knew very little about it, about its precedence, and the way to use it. Or so he thought. Perhaps…he was scared. Scared of hurting someone, somebody, to be looked at as a freak of nature, that his power was used for the benefit of another… He felt scared that a mere scare could kill a friend, that a mere pass of his hands through any metallic surface could endanger another. He would have to be wary of using electrical appliances, or risk a short circuit. And…he would be incapable of telling a word to any soul.

<"Guillermo, hurry up!! We're going."> Guess he could not escape of the truth: he had to live his life as he had once before…

It was a beautiful sunny day. The sea of the beaches of Isla Verde, now free of the habitual algae that fill the sea on the days around the Holy Week, was inviting all comers to an unforgettable reunion with the sea. The imposing blue sea, as far as the eye could see; touching the blue sky, crowned by the majestic sun. Not a cloud in the sky. The only rain present was the soft, warm bath on sunlight, slowly tanning the beautiful ladies of the island, and the visitors of all nations. Watching the sea was a sign of how little were humans, against the imposing force of nature. And it’s majestic beauty…all sign of the Lord’s great creation. All too ironic: such a beautiful day in the sea, and he was unable to enjoy it. The day was going to be a hot one, and his only relief was inaccessible to him.

The day was swiftly passing, and so was the moment Oscar and his family would return to their home, perhaps eating something during the way. But, to Oscar, the passage of time was instead slow and unending. He had to contend with his sisters’ incessant teasing, his mother insisting on only a dab to the feet. But to Oscar, that was enough to create a disaster. It was not easy to contend with all the pressure, but just a quick reminder of how dangerous was a live wire kept him behind. He was, practically, an organic “live wire” He only awaited the moment his family would depart. He felt that fate was also teasing him, bothering him. Fate, however, had another thing in store…

Finally, the moment of parting. Oscar’s family was tired of insisting, and only complied with a scornful “your loss…” Perhaps the only thing that could recomfort him was the idea of spending time with his family without harming anyone. As he expected, the family settled on eating outside tonight. At Denny’s, to his delight. He was already savoring the delicious milkshakes, and was trying to make space for one of them. Once they reached, which was not too far away from the beach, the family was a little baffled by the sight. Apparently, a group of people from a television network were also dining that day, and they had cameras and equipment with them. Oscar could only wonder: what the heck where they doing there? Apparently, they were going to record something. The moment was odd, but the family paid little attention to it. Instead, the family concentrated on why Oscar didn’t wanted to bath in the water, when at other times he had no troubles with it, and when the water was so delicious that day.

<"Hands on the air, everyone!!! This is a robbery!!!"> The relative peace of the diner was interrupted by the sudden gunshot of two thugs, as they entered and assaulted the store. Oscar and his family were quite scared, to be witnesses of the horrendous criminal wave that enveloped the island, and on such a beautiful day. The cameras, the equipment, the money, even the belongings of all the diners were stolen; Oscar’s family’s as well. Then, to make things worse, they decided to take a hostage, promising that they would kill him or her if they called the police. One of the foreign executives was about to be taken, when a single voice, full of fear but intermixed with a strange determination, and even a growing courage, singled from the crowd’s silence…

<"HEY!!! Don't take him. Better...take me instead. I'll be your hostage...">

<"...Smartass...alright...anyone calls the cops, we finish him, you hear?">

Oscar’s family was baffled and in tears, because of Oscar’s sudden choice. They tried to convince the thugs to leave him alone, to no avail. The thugs ran from the store, aided by some other people hanging outside, taking Oscar away with them. His family, in tears, could only wonder: why did Oscar accept to leave with them? Why?

Oscar, however, had another thing in mind…

The band was escaping away, holding a gun at Oscar, and securing their passage by running to the stairs. The thug that held Oscar went last, uttering one more threat of killing the hostage if they called the police. Oscar only thought of one thing, a risky thing indeed.

He only waited the moment when the thug released the gun from his head. He was tired of hiding the truth. He would use all of his power, as much as he needed, to single out each and every one of the band’s members. The fact that the band hid in the parking lot was a relief to him: not much people would know the truth. The thug that held him in bay was a bit slower than the rest, but stronger. He was struggling with Oscar, who resisted enough to stall him, despite the threats that he would kill him. Finally, the moment could not be better: Oscar stepped on the thug’s feet, momentarily releasing the gun from his head. Instinctively, and reflexively, Oscar thrusted his arm towards the thug’s throat, and unleashed a sudden jolt of electricity. He grabbed the thug’s neck fiercely, while the other was convulsing madly. He ran away towards the stairs, hiding nearby to take cover. The thugs shot madly at him, who used the concrete wall to protect from the gunfire. When he heard no more shots, Oscar turned back into the small passageway, and unleashed a potent bolt that struck the nearby car. The thugs screamed of fear, wondering from where did the bolt struck at, while Oscar took cover again, cursing his lack of accuracy. He tilted his head, carefully, to watch over the passageway. The thugs watched at him again, and unleashed a new barrage of shots before running away, panicked by the jolt. Hearing the footsteps, Oscar tilted his torso over to the other side, and managed to see the band escaping. Carefully pointing his index and middle fingers to one of the running criminals, Oscar unleashed a fearsome lightning bolt, which promptly struck the thug. The scream of pain alerted the other thugs, which panicked at the sight of a fallen partner, struck by an apparent current of electricity. The sole idea of their hostage controlling the rays was unacceptable, but strangely true. The moment of doubt was enough for Oscar to take the upper ground: he unleashed another carefully aimed bolt at the band’s apparent leader, before he covered from the last barrage of gunshots. The panicked screams of the thugs could only mean Oscar one thing.

He finally had the upper hand in the situation. He had the only loaded gun, and of course the power flowing from his veins. He proceeded to run after the criminals, strangely covering the ground between them in mere instants. Standing some distance, he unleashed a few more bolts, this time in greater control. The bolts were wider, and stronger, taking all the remaining thugs down, save one. Oscar drew distance between them, his hand filled with serpentine currents of electricity that gave an eerie light, and a faint smell of ozone.

<"W...w...wha...what...d-ddd...do you...w-want from...f-fffrom usss...L-lemme...lemme g-go...LEAVE ME ALONE!!!">

<"Oh, yeah? Now, you want to leave in peace, quiet, what about before? When your band was threatening everyone, the big bosses. Now, you're here, your pants all crapped up, at my mercy...">

<"Y...y-you...YOU ARE A MONSTER!!!">

<"Monster? No...but maybe your worst nightmare..."> Ending the phrase, Oscar pummeled the thug with a lightning filled fist, right to the head of the criminal. Breathing deeply, Oscar regained his composure, and his calm attitude. He checked his hair to see if it was burned. Nothing, like if nothing had passed. Only a bunch of convulsing bodies, smoking, some perfectly still. He wondered how he was going to explain the rare phenomena he had just created. There were tension lines, but that was not enough. The fat, strong thug that held him was also shocked, and in a specific point. That would be a nightmare to explain. But, for a moment, he felt powerful. He felt useful. He felt…courageous, brave. He felt like a hero. No, he was a hero…

Better yet…a super-hero… What did he had top envy to Batman, Superman, Spider-Man…he was real, his powers were real, his acts were real.

The police that entered the place were real as well, and so did the paramedics, after the police found out about the crippled thugs. And Oscar? He feigned to faint, knowing he was the only sole witness of the event. He had to feign ignorance. He “awoke” to the sight of various officers, and paramedics, swiftly checking his condition. A result of stable relieved the family, after the odd event which almost took the life of one of its members. Oscar reunited with his family once again, confounded in a large hug between the entire family. When the policemen asked the situation, Oscar feigned ignorance, attributing a state of desperation that left him unconscious. He also told that before he fainted, he could smell the odd scent that permeated the air, which he could “not recognize”. He quickly asked what happened to the gang, to which the paramedics responded vaguely.

One dead, many severely wounded, and one criminal in very critical condition, all apparently burned in specific parts of the body. All stolen things were unharmed.

During the way home, Oscar was sorely confronted by his mother, his sisters and his grandmother about the “senseless” situation that he got himself into. Between cries and shouts, his family debated him the delicate condition of being a hostage, that he could have been killed, that those criminals were madmen, and that his actions could result in a tragedy. Oscar was looking at the distance, knowing he had to do what he had to: use his powers for the greater good, for justice. He found a reason for his condition.

Reaching his house, the discussion continued. But this time, all sat down at the dining table and asked Oscar why he did it. Oscar riposted by saying he felt he needed to do something, that it was better to take hostage a normal person than a foreigner, much less an important person such as an executive of an important network. He felt it was his “civic duty”. The answer was sour and full of spite: such civic action would only end in tragedy for the family, and needless suffering. Oscar’s mother was the loudest voice in the crowd, stating that she was not willing to bury one of her children at such early age, much less because of their irresponsible acts. That word struck Oscar deep into his heart: he had to be responsible, sensible with his family. He had to learn responsibility, how to be responsible with his powers.

Later that night, Oscar went to sleep quite early, barely touching his Super Nintendo. He was thoughtful, looking at the thin air. His mother, worried, asked for forgiveness: she didn’t meant to be so harsh, but