Chairmans Attempts

[Spiral Architect]

Ok after reading all these amazing writings, I really dont know why I am going to make my only little mark on here. But eh we must go on.

Comments would be lovely, good or bad.

conscience

You've reached the pinnicle of exsistance
You're getting so close
But go on
Swallow the fatal dose
An uncertainty is annoucned
You've trapped yourself now
There is no escape

It is so unreal
What you see, what you feel
you've put yourself in a twist of fate
with what your bodies absorbed

The adrenaline is pumping
you cant hold yourself up
Fall back into the corner
Now do you see
What all your thoughts behold

The good, the bad
The dark and the evil
everything you've done
Is waiting

Is waiting for you

[Fishie]

And Chairman Attempts is awesome man. I really like this poem. Its dark but its flows really well as you read it. This might come off wrong but it reminds me of the end...the end of life that is. And its like you don't know what's to come. Really good though Chairman Meow. Looking forward to more hopefully.

[Spiral Architect]

Well, after the first rave review by fishie, I decided to not try again, as no one seemed to like it. But I had to write a poem for school, and Lily said it was good so I decided to put it up on here.

I haven't got a name for it, you can choose a name, if you like it lol

If I move ill miss out,
more then I can imagine.
but I can be assured,

...there'll be another chance.

The rhythm of the footsteps,
Early in the morning,
Get up Sean Get up.
...But I dont wanna go to school.

Its hard to look around,
All the different varitaions.
Happy, sad, happy, sad,

...the repition of an adolecent.

Exsisting amoungst many,
Trying to find the light,
keeping my head up high,
trying not to be overwhelmed.

Walking like a zombie,
From class to class.
being taught the wonders of the world,
And what i'll never need to know.

My smile is big,
My eyes are bright,
Trying to make my parents proud
Fitting in with tradition.

Always beloning,
In a tight knit family circle.
never judged,
...In them I can confide.

Walking like a zombie,
From class to class.
being taught the wonders of the world,
And what i'll never need to know.

Sharing so much with the world,
The best I can offer.
Putting in everything i've got,
To be returned with nothing.

But I push on,
Through the wide doors, and body odor,
Because I know, I hope.
It will eventually pan out.

(I'm Sean. By the way.) And sorry about errors, I dont have word, so no spell check, and I copypatsa

[Fishie]

Hmm....When comparing two of your poems, I must say that this one is more raw then the first one which is a good thing.

Walking like a zombie,
From class to class.
being taught the wonders of the world,
And what i'll never need to know.

Reading that twice was pretty catchy. Haha. I literally "lol'd" when I was visualizing a clown going to school and doing the most odd things for some reason. Strange, I know. I visualize the most random things.

[Silver]

I love it. Some lines were a bit satirical, but it really captured what going to school was like. I could identify with it. (The best bits of school were before school, recess and lunch. Learning 'social skills'. )

And Conscience was also brilliant. It read well, holds deeper meaning and has a nice structure and length. Good poetry dude.

[Spiral Architect]

Originally Posted by Silver

. I could identify with it.

Thanks alot, it means alot coming from you. It's funny though because the topic I had to write on was Identity and Belonging.

And Fishie thanks again, I appreciate it.