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07-01-2007, 11:42 AM
| Level: 42 | HP: 693 / 1025 |
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EXP: 2% |
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#1 (permalink) | ||
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Wicked
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fragile With My Crystal Ball, Shattered On The Ground
Posts
2,811
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Cheesy title. I know. So sue me.
 For a while I've been writing little pieces of poetry here and there and I finally decided to post my own poetry thread. Do give me your guys' opinions (both good and bad) on what you think of them. Here's my first two: Shadow Knight Shadow Knight, Shadow Knight..... My shadow comes out to me, And starts to fight Taking over and now in control, I start to change and refuse to console Into the darkness of the night I see a reflection of myself in the mirror With the moonlight lighting up my room, I look closely Mad and furious, I punch it and break it Flustered and Agitatated, I break down and cry The tears finally come out I just cry and I want to shout I've been holding this all in Now I'm letting it all go I finally let the people I trusted, I just gave them the right to know Crying out tears of exhaustion And my blood pouring out renewability I just lye down Pondering and thinking about what I've done I cry out to myself Thinking that I really need some help I see my blade looking torwards me I stand up and walk towards it As I'm walking there's this part that's confused I pick up the blade I put it back down And I soon start to frown Why am I not hurting myself? Why did I stop myself? I just.....I just let it go I put down the blade I walk to my bed Alive and not dead I start to fall asleep Tired and reliefed The Shadow Knight fades away I'm back to myself And it is time that I stay Weak and Alone Weak and alone, Oh so sad The thought of delusion Makes me mad Persuaded by my thoughts, trapped within my fears The cloudy atmosphere within, makes me shed no tears The day is young and so am I Everytime I smile, It is just a lie Clumped by my pain, Clotted by my inhumane Weak and Alone Destructive and Bold Darkish Heart, Covered Ice Cold........ What do you guys think?
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07-01-2007, 03:37 PM
| Level: 22 | HP: 87 / 526 |
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#2 (permalink) | ||
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The land with the light engraved on the stone.
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577
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Fishie dude, it seems that we have more in common than just our names.
Unless you read my mind & have lived my life to write that kind of poetry... These two pieces cannot be thoroughly understood by everyone, but i do know what you mean. It's a kiskass "work", even if the title is...o_O....it gives another message. I thought you'd talk about the nature  ... |
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07-02-2007, 12:09 AM
| Level: 28 | HP: 176 / 694 |
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#3 (permalink) | ||
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: On a cloud
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yeah,great work Fishie,thats really great.
Just keep em coming
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FINAL FANTASY RULES!!!  A PROUD MEMBER OF THE STUUUUPIDEST CLUB...EVER! My Family: My awesome sister which I love very much <3--Vampiric.Delirium My forever intoxicated vigilante brother--Celtic_Silver My Godsmack Addicted Brother--Omega Weapon My dark wolf obsessed somebody--Darkwolf My Bahamut loving sister--Bahamut1990 My sweet vanilla cousin--OceanEyes28 My wacky evil loving sister--Annikit <a href="http://www.thefinalfantasy.com/forums/member.php?u=20715" target="_blank"><img src="http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m29/blackwolf2006/Misc/SoD1.jpg" border="0" alt="Shadow of Darkness's Signature"></a> Thank you Omega Weapon for making this awesome sig for me !!!
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07-04-2007, 02:46 PM
| Level: 29 | HP: 203 / 721 |
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EXP: 87% |
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#4 (permalink) | ||
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Morning Always Comes
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Evenesca
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1,169
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Great work bro. ^_^ I absolutely love your style of poetry! The way you make the lines rhyme, and the way everything flows.....I just feel like I'm floating along while i read it. There are some poems I read where I feel like I'm trying to slide down a rocky road (not the ice cream please), but with yours, I feel like I could fly. XD
The things you write about as well, they're really deep, and could be hard for some to interpret, but I understand them. They're beautiful. Straight from your heart. I especially love this part: Quote:
--Xeim--
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07-04-2007, 08:10 PM
| Level: 30 | HP: 206 / 747 |
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#5 (permalink) | ||
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Vampiric Delirium
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow.
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Uh-huh. Cheesy title, but absolutely fantastic writing.
It's quite deep and personal, isn't it? It's brave to post something like that. But really, it's great. Worded beautifully. And the emotion it projects is so strong... Well done.
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Soulmate to Prodigal Madness Down with word games. Eradicate post counts. Lily says - OldBean is into owl buttsecks. Lily also says - I want to eat David Tennant. The lungs fill with fluid and are slowly wrapped in a cancerous membrane that grows like a thin sheet. Breathing becomes harder and increasingly painful. Eventually the lungs can no longer function and the person dies.
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07-04-2007, 10:54 PM
| Level: 42 | HP: 693 / 1025 |
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#6 (permalink) | ||
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Wicked
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fragile With My Crystal Ball, Shattered On The Ground
Posts
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Thank you guys for your opinions. I really appreciate it. And yes Froggie, these are personal poems. I've written another one earlier today. This one is about how being an example to people that you're supposed to be a positive influence to but knowing that as a human you've made mistakes and you're being blamed for someone following in your footsteps even though you don't want them too....
No Matter Everything you do wrong, I'm blamed for But to hear that you're copying me, It straight up hurts to the core You don't know how I feel, You don't know what I see Just back the **** off, And just let me be But I don't know what to believe, Whether if this is an act or something real No matter how many times you do it, You will never know how I feel When I hack away, I wish the pain would just go away Slicing through my flesh I'm wishing that I was laid to rest However, Somehow I've been holding my head up Keeping it all together Piece by piece I don't cut for attention I cut for pleasure Which is my true intention But why do you do it? You said that I was dumb and stupid, You said that cutting was pathetic But now that you're doing it I really don't feel sympathetic I can't tell what you're doing is fake, By just knowing how you are, I know times are tough But if you look within, Hope isn't that far But no matter how much you do it, The pain will still be there Even though I am pissed at you I will always love you and care What do you guys think about it? (Positive and negative feedback would be nice.  )
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Last edited by Fishie; 07-04-2007 at 11:02 PM. |
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07-04-2007, 11:10 PM
| Level: 30 | HP: 206 / 747 |
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EXP: 89% |
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#7 (permalink) | ||
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Vampiric Delirium
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow.
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1,269
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Like I said in MSN, this is absolutely fantastic. It's just so raw and emotional. Unlike alot of poetry with similar theme to this, it doesn't hide behind metaphor, which is definitely a good thing in this case.
Your writing is also very distinctive. Even if this wasn't in this thread, people would probably be able to tell that it's yours. Amazing, really. Well done.
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Soulmate to Prodigal Madness Down with word games. Eradicate post counts. Lily says - OldBean is into owl buttsecks. Lily also says - I want to eat David Tennant. The lungs fill with fluid and are slowly wrapped in a cancerous membrane that grows like a thin sheet. Breathing becomes harder and increasingly painful. Eventually the lungs can no longer function and the person dies.
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07-05-2007, 03:07 AM
| Level: 22 | HP: 87 / 526 |
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#8 (permalink) | ||
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The land with the light engraved on the stone.
Posts
577
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Once again, it's like you wrote what's in my mind. Or at leasst part of it, if we exclude the cutting part. I'd probably cause a rampage or something like that.
I know what it is like to have everyone blame you even for breathing and for stuff you have nothing to do with. But that's one thing i can't understand; why do we still love them & care so much... Another good pile o' words from the sea...deep and touching. Way to go.  |
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07-14-2007, 07:05 PM
| Level: 28 | HP: 138 / 690 |
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#9 (permalink) | ||
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Where the polar bears play at night and where the beavers are furry...
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Well Fishie...its..its just brilliant...its fantastic!
You have well described not only your feelings about some of your life's experience but moreover, your attitude and desire to move on...and that Fishie is golden in my opinion. Your works were fantastic and i'm glad you notified me of your works.... bravo...
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07-15-2007, 02:12 PM
| Level: 32 | HP: 324 / 782 |
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#10 (permalink) | ||
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Up to no good...
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: They'll never catch me...
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Great works, bro. They have an expressed meaning even to the uninitiated. Stories and sagas of a life expressed in rhyme and verse. Don't ever stop writing, Fishie.
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07-16-2007, 10:05 AM
| Level: 42 | HP: 693 / 1025 |
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EXP: 2% |
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#11 (permalink) | ||
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Wicked
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fragile With My Crystal Ball, Shattered On The Ground
Posts
2,811
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Thank you guys once again for my opinions. I have four different poems I want to post right now, but instead I'll post two since I'm not liking the way the other ones are written. (Some parts of it are kinda just whack. >.<) But here's my other two...
The first one I'm sure that some of you know what this one is about. It explains how I've felt all along when I was with that person.... Afraid The feelings that I have for you... Have grown so strong But something else has grown Telling me its wrong...... I'm feeling sorry for myself, What can I say? I really want to be with you, But I just cannot stay........ My heart beats for you, Every second, every minute But I don't deserve you, I don't know what to do..... We're getting closer, As time flies by, But if I told you happy being with you, It would just be a lie...... I'm growing scared, Afraid of us, That's why I cannot be with you, That's why I'm giving up..... Everything is starting to get serious, Our love as well, Its starting to scare me, Its not hard to tell....... The way I act, the way I think, I have to end this, Faster then a blink, Quicker then a phink It has to end..... Just know that I love you so much, And just know that I always will, I'm sorry I have to end this, I will always love you still....... Another one I've written has been recently. Its about going out and wanting to reach your goals. Whatever it may be and whatever you want, you just have to.....make or break. Make or Break Make it or break it, Pushing myself up to the top, Climbing up that ladder, My body starts to drop....... Make it or break it, Holding on real tight, Not giving up, I hold on and fight....... Make it or break it, Starting to get tough, No more wanting to fall. I've had enough...... Make it or break it, One step at a time, Wanting to reach it, The top can be mine....... Make it or break it, Bopping to the top, Climbing back up that ladder, My body doesn't drop
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