A Not that great story...

[Bojangle Man]

Ok, i play Guild Wars, computer game, here is a story i made of it, for those who dont know anything about it

Monk = White Mage
and trolls are well...trolls in this icy cave

if you have anymore questions, just PM me

Chupa doesnt have much of a story, bojangle doesnt either, they were both picked up off the side of the street, displaced from the war, i'll make up a story i guess....get ready for the horribleness (NEW WORD!!!!!)
Bojangle: A new friend.
Hello, I am Bojangle Man, a monk of the 5th level, I am training to join the Ascalon Academy, let me tell you about my life up to now...
CHILDHOOD
I was born in a cave, some say it was even a dragon's lair. The air was fairly musty, but I was able to survive. I had no friends, and the only thing I could play with were my monk prayers. These "monk prayers" were just little chants I made up, but I soon found they had attained a level of power. I fooled around with all of the friendly monsters or zombies in this cave (I had a way of making friends). One day I saw this swirly thing in the wall, I wandered through it, and I was in a cold metropolis. I disliked the dwarves that were here, but I continued to wander throughout it. That night was one troubling nights, nightmares of tall people spitting on me, but there was a light, a girl that was wearing what is called 15k Gladiators...

The day I entered an oath....

I spent the next 2 levels in this town, begging and stealing from many merchants and rich people that were here for their armor. I made enough from this to eat and sleep in a warm place. Just before my 4th level I met a tall, big guy, his name was Beech Slapper. He was able to take on 20 trolls in the troll cave at once, and come out on top! I followed him around occasionally asking him questions like "What is that weapon used for?" or "Can I buy this piece of armor?" He was nice enough to help me out with these things. For the next three weeks everything was perfect.
He finally let me go on one of his hunting trips, or what he called "farming." I skipped along happily as he tore through the trolls. That was when everything took a turn for the worst. A troll disrupted him in his cyclone axe, and he couldn't block their attacks, so he quickly lost health. I, still being young, could only think of 2 prayers, I used both as fast as I could, and kept him alive long enough for him to use cyclone axe again. He then killed the trolls. Beech turned to me, and asked me one question, "So, you're a monk?" I replied in between deep breathes, "Yes.....yes sir!" He then told me, "Well, you need a home, how about being my oath brother?" "Whats an oath brother?" I replied. "It's basically a person that you make your brother by taking an oath." "Oh, wow!!! Sure!!!" I exclaimed! I had never had family before, the closest thing was the dragon in that cave. "Lets go home, brother." Beech said. Things went along with ease for a while.



Beech and I went on hunting trips fairly often, but today felt different. We were in the troll cave, and a troll hit me. He disrupted my heal and Beech died, I didn't know any ressurection prayers back then, so I couldn't do anything. "Go on, leave me here, it is worse when a young monk dies, than an old warrior with no skill left." He managed to say before he left to go to the rift. "I wont forget you, and I WILL find you once i die too." I said as I cried over his mangled body. I ran as fast as I could back to town, thi was part of that nightmare I had dreamt when I slept for the first time! It couldn't be!! I was too young to lose my best friend, and my brother. That night I had trouble sleeping, and was freezing. The next morning, I woke up, and saw a women, about 5' 8" tall standing over me, as I was crying. "Help me!! I beg you! Help me!!" I pleaded as she looked at me with a puzzled face. "What is your name young monk?" She inquired. "It's....it's.....it's Bojangle Man." I replied, still crying. "Well, we need to get you into a warm place then Bojangle, mind if I call you that?" She ordered. "No, not at all..." I replied. We walking a little, and we talked, but there was nothing of importance about that talk. We made it to an inn and she bought me a warm mug of chocolate milk. "What is your name?" I inquired. "My name.... my name is Lady Yan." She replied. "Oh wow!! That is a super cool name!" I told her. We talked for many days and many nights... time passed like the sands of the desert. I wished it would last forever, but alas, I knew it wouldn't. Now I will have to say, nothing has happened much since then, except the fact that she helped me level to where I am now, and I joined her guild.

To be continued....

[DragonHeart]

I've never played Guild Wars so I'm pretty sure I won't understand what the story is about, but I'd like to mention that putting "not a great story" right in the thread title guarantees that no one is going to read or comment on the work. Don't be so pessimistic about your writing; if you don't like it, then write something better, something that you do like. If you don't like it, chances are no one else will, either. Just my thoughts, take it for what you will.

I did read the first part of it, but I don't understand at all what's going on, so I'm assuming it's part of the game, meaning I'd have to play it to understand. Off the top I do notice there is a lot of telling and no showing, though. That gives the writing a very detached, impersonal feel. Just my opinion, of course.

~DragonHeart~

[Kratos]

The story was pretty good, but it needs to be a little more descriptive.