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| Cleft of Dimension Here you can view old classic threads, including: fanfics, pics, and great topics. |
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| Level: 22 | HP: 74 / 542 |
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EXP: 70% |
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#1 (permalink) | ||
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1. Sliver Stained Matress
Ouch! - The itchy flakes, they are aflaming Into a dust of molded scratchings Help it but they wont leave Leather ice cream is revolting ...My Sliver Stained Matress is disgusting Now! - I crawl into bed and its hurting Bleeding and itching until it goes red Sleep and sleep but it wont work Find my place to revel on ...My Sliver Stained Matress is disgusting Im ablazing, feeling red I cant help myself, feeling bad Take my clothes off but its still hot Help me now before I wanna die 2. Inside Out Its my own way to live through me I want you to know that I can I know you can help me there Before we meet, I wanna smell one more time I'd love to meet me, I'd love to hurt you I want to kiss you, I want to kick me Im on the inside outside, im looking in Im here and I want to kill you I want to feed you to my mind Absord me and i'll kick you more 3. Grog and Drog Fog It hurts when I touch that fog That you keep inside your little box Your small box of toys waiting to be sold Right to the man with the pitchfolks and fires Please oh please take me to that plaaace!!! Oh god, please take me to that Grod and Drog Fog! Yeah it hurts, yeah it hurts when you look at him When im right here staring at you I need you to leave me now, I want you to go and see (Note: I know there not the best lyrics, but hey I dont care) |
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| Level: 42 | HP: 225 / 1035 |
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EXP: 42% |
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#2 (permalink) | ||
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Honestly, I don't really even know what to say on these. None of them made any sense to me whatsoever, which makes it hard to objectively review. Half the lines were so random I can't even figure out if it's supposed to have any meaning or flow. I'm sorry, that's just my opinion and I believe in being honest with fellow writers.
If you could clean them up a bit, maybe clarify your ideas and focus on a defined meaning they would sound better. You do have some interesting concepts, it's just hard to see through the rawness of the first draft. ~DragonHeart~ |
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| Level: 22 | HP: 74 / 542 |
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EXP: 70% |
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#4 (permalink) | ||
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Quote:
And most people say my songs are confusing but thats the way I like it for some reason, trust me my songs have deep meanings to me personally but its really hard to explain, well Sliver Stained Matress is about my acne, Inside Out is about relationships and how they mess people up and Grog and Drog Fog is about really dull days and wanting to be somewhere else. |
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| Level: 42 | HP: 225 / 1035 |
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EXP: 42% |
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#5 (permalink) | ||
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Well it's great if you can write songs for yourself, but if you plan on showing them to othes you should really consider cleaning them up a bit. If you want them to be reviewed, that is. If you don't want any kind of feedback that's fine, but you should say so in the beginning. Most of the people here don't give blind praise because we genuinely like offering advice and opinions.
~DragonHeart~ |
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