Oh yeah?

[Lai]

I was trying to do something a little different by doing an AAB CCB DDE FFE kind of rhyme scheme. The last two stanzas were me just being bored and having fun with it. I'll go back to it and fix it up eventually.

If I told you right now
without making a sound
I want to see you lay down in my bed,

Would you tell me lies, too
and say that it's true,
yet refuse my arms 'round your head?

So tell me again
when you'll let me know when
I can see your white thighs in my hands.

I'll obey every word
however absurd
And agree with your every command.

[bored part]
There's a fire inside
which I beg to hide
that burns deep within my loins.

So I'll kiss on your throat
and I'll send you afloat
If you'll only allow me your groin.
[/bored part]

Any feedback on the first four stanzas?