Valentine's Day Poem

[Lai]

I wrote this for a poetry contest back in February. Rock.

I'll lay down in your rosebud bed.
I'll close my eyes, and rest my head.
Your pillow's smell, perfume so fine,
And I can feel our fingers intertwine.

I feel your breath, so sweet and warm.
Let us drink to forget the coming storm.
The kettle whistles; the water's boiled.
You whisper, "Get up now, the night is spoiled."

Your fingers run through my matted hair,
And you tell me we're the perfect pair.
But as I open my eyes to look into yours,
Tears are drawn by a sorrowful source.

You left me years go, for the love of another.
I didn't know you would be a mother.
So here I'm left, never more yours.
While my brain and my heart are in constant war.

Now I lie in my own somber head,
While day after day, my new life I dread.
Never again I embrace our old love,
And forever you'll be my long lost sweet dove.

I liked it. Iam confused about how it switched from present to future, but for the most part I liked it. I did not know exactly what was being implied though. Nice rhyme usage , I really enjoyed that.

[Lai]

It didn't go from present to future. It stayed present tense the whole time. In the first half of the poem, the narrator is kind of dreaming, and in the second half he opens his eyes and sees that it was only a dream. But thanks a lot

[Rikkuffx]

Wow!That poem is very powerful.You have great uses of imagery and I love the rhyming.The words you used were perfect to describe what you wanted to say.You did an awesome job,keep up the awesome work hun.