The Man and the Woman

[Andromeda]

Well this is a short story I wrote roughly 6 months ago, I know it was during the summer time, when I forget exactly. I only recently have felt like posting for a couple of reasons. I am going to be posting up another story I am doing at a later date, so I thought I make a debut with a very thought provoking story I wrote. Considering it has only been read by 3 people until now, its been a private story. I hope you enjoy it as I have.

Title : The Man and the Woman (possible other title, Man and Wife)

Author : Chris DuBois (For copyright protection in the future, since I hope to publish sometime)

I stand here on the edge of what is completely unknown, a path built for me but not ordered by me. It is a path I walk with hands placing each of my feet in its own spot without my consent. I know not where they led me to just that I am led to the end, the end of this path, a path completely unknown.
My life I always tried to do the right thing be the good person that was suggested of me. Do the good things, think the good things, and just do them. It seemed right and felt right, though how am I to judge what is right and not right when what I judge is not my own guidelines. So how can I judge, yet it is just the way it was, it was the right thing.
Just pleasing people, doing what they said was good and right; it worked it made them happy and what was happy for them was happy for me. That was enough for me, just playing the role that seemed to be right and make people happy. There was nothing wrong with that, right? Being a good, nice person is fine, that is what they wanted that is what they got. What could go wrong when you give people what they want, happy for them is happy for me?
But how could I know, how could I see the troubles it sent me through, no consideration for oneself leaves emptiness inside that only follows someone else? A follower, I always hated the idea of what that meant, I had my own mind and my own thoughts. You do not tell me want to do, I do what I want to do and believe how I want to believe. Yes, that is what I knew, I did not want to follow, I wanted to lead and yet unknowingly I was doing everything that I hated. How could it have happened, how could I have changed to something that I hated so much? I do not understand it myself and yet it is truth that it is happening, I follow someone else.
How did I come to this place where I am now, I have yet to really know how it is that I am here, but this is what I can remember? It was probably a few years ago, maybe even more than that but time escapes me. I remember finding him through a chatroom, talking to him for hours that night. We discussed so many things that I had forgotten how we had gotten to where we were. When the night was over I felt like I had made a friend, there was a connection that I could feel and I do not know why. We continued to talk the next night and the next, continuing on for many weeks.
It went on for months into years; I would finish classes and get on to talk to him. Everything was going well, we laughed and joked about things; enjoyed each other’s company and had a great time. I had found a friend that I could talk to at anytime and even more I could talk about anything to him. There was nothing that we did not talk about, even more intimate things that seemed so secret that no one would know. I could just talk without worry and we became the best of friends.
Though our relationship continued to grow deeper, we became close inseparable to the point where when I was not working or going to school we were online together. Distance could not separate us from being together. We seemed to fit together perfectly, what we thought was the same and felt. It seemed too good to be true. When school was finished we talked about meeting and deciding our future.
However, it is not until now do I realize what was happening. Every decision had been his, he decided about our future. He chose what we were doing and I just agreed. How could I say no to him, I did not want to say no? Though I do not even know if I thought about saying no. It was all just natural almost, frightening how I had simply gone a long with things, said yes to everything. Could I have known it would lead to this, I do not know, it was something that seemed impossible? Yet here it was happening, following like a good sheep of a herd to where I was suppose to go.
I was supposed to meet him, we would get a place together and we would live our lives together. That was what I was supposed to do, that is what I did. We continued our relationship through chats until our schools finished and I rushed out to see him as though I was suppose to be excited. Was I excited, was I happy even? At the time, my answer would be yes, I was beyond words; we were going to be meeting for the first time the man I had been talking to for the last couple years. We had waited for this moment of embrace and we were together. He was happy, so I was happy. I wonder do I feed of his emotions?
We were together now finally, we stayed at his parent’s house for the night since neither of us had a place. He had stayed at his parent’s house during college to save on money, but now we were together and finding a job and a place was important. It did not take long until we found an apartment in the city that would be close to work. He would work at home as a designer and I had my job at the company in research. Whatever I had done no longer matter; it was being there for him what was important, what he wanted I would deliver.
That was way it went all the way. He said that we were going to the theater and that is what we did. It was bad because he said it was bad, we made jokes about it putting it down. He bought a game and that is what we did even if it was sharing it. He went to the store; we went to the store. It continued on, he said we were going to kiss we did. That was my first time, it seemed so romantic then, but now I grasp the pillow in pain. He said to take my clothes off and I did, he said we are taking a shower, we did. I just became what he wanted.
I was no longer a person, but a shell following orders. Though it did not seem like orders, I felt happy. I do not know how I could have felt so happy at that time, but I was happy. I know I was, it was the best time of my life and yet now I know it was the worst time. How can I be so happy doing nothing but pleasing someone else’s desires with no regard to what it is that I am doing? Yet that is what I did, I hung on to him close never wanting to let go.
We were together, I was happy being what he wanted when he wanted, so much so that I did something that I do not think that I could have done. It was so far beyond what I could have imagined that if I had thought about it a few years before I would have said that I was an idiot. But that is exactly what I did, I did it without hesitation or thought, I did it for him so that we could be closer. I became the one thing that he wanted more than anything, a woman.
That is right, as you hear everything stop; I became a woman because the reality was that I was a man just like him. I do not know how I can think about it anymore, but I look at it now it seemed to happen suddenly. Though I know that it could not be true. I had slowly become what he wanted to the point where I believed that I was and could be a woman.
I could remember talking to him in our chats and at first he had mistaken me for a girl. The results I could not have seen, it seemed impossible to even fathom, yet it was true. I could not keep having him thinking that I was a girl and in our next chat I told him that he was mistaken. It surprised him, though he did not run away as I thought he might. We continued to talk, but it was the internet so we could have fun and let our imaginations go. My imagination was vast enough that we enjoy making up things, playing things out together. At times I would play the role of a girl when we chatted, like it was on the first chat it was something that assumed him. He seemed to like it, so I continued.
The internet allows for many things without sight to blind, it allows you to change yourself and people do not know the difference. Thus I became what he seemed to want, I do not know how many of the interests that I share with him that I truly even enjoy anymore. I think I just found what he enjoyed and enjoyed it myself, he was someone that talked me and I could enjoy the company without concerns. Slowly over time in the chat I became a girl more often until that was all I was, a girl for him.
But then it began to seep out into myself, I began to reject what I was as a man. I started to grow my hair longer, take to enjoying a more feminine idea to my lifestyle if could be described. I started to try to find features on me that seemed more of a woman, try to promote those interest. I even bought women’s clothes to try to imagine myself as a woman. It came to a point where I could see myself as a woman, having breasts and soft voice, a thin curve. It was what he wanted after all, he wanted a woman he could love and be with.
Thus when we finally lived together it was decided that I would complete the mentality and change my sex. I had been somewhat reluctant for a while, though I was easy to persuade. We took a flight overseas to a clinic that was highly respected in the field and had myself changed. It was a painful process, but I knew it was what he wanted and I did it for him. I became physically what he wanted and now I am something that I do not even know.
Here at the edge, I lean over the balcony wondering if there is any end. It was not until recently have I realized the problem I created for myself. I do not even know who I am anymore. I look in the mirror and I do not see the same person. I was a man who might not have had much, but I was in control and did things my way, now I am a woman who follows someone because it makes me happy. Is this what it means to be a woman? No, I refuse to believe that is all it comes down to, this is not what it is like to be married, wife. I cannot accept that all I am is an object that he uses when he needs me. But it makes me happy, how can it make me happy. I cannot be happy like this, yet for the last few years I have never been happier. I have someone, I have someone. I do not understand it; I am a man in a woman’s body faking being a woman for a man only because he fell in love with me. None of this makes sense anymore, I do not even make sense, and how can I when I do not even recognize myself? The mirror keeps showing me someone else, this is not me it is a woman, who is the woman. I am the man, but I am the woman too and I feel both. I wish I could say that I understood both, but that would be arrogant, how can I understand being a woman having not been born a woman. I am not a woman, but I am a woman.
I squeeze the balcony rails in frustration, how did I come to point? I just do not believe it anymore. Everything was so different and here I am, what I am and who I am? What am I going to do with myself? How can I go on anymore realizing what I am and have done to come all this way? Am just a lie that I believed? But this lie has been happy and I have someone that cares for me and I care for him.
“Honey? Where are you?” he said from the bedroom.
“The balcony,” I replied.
He came out to the balcony the balcony and I turned to face him. He gave me a kiss on my cheek, “What are you doing out here, its cold.”
“Yes…but…” I stared out to the side at the city seeing my long hair blow in the wind. “My hair it is nice, isn’t it? Yes…,” I said smiling back at him, my invitation was ready.

[Mistress Sheena]

That...that almost made me cry, and I think you know why..
I could see so many similarities between that story and us, yet...
There are still a few differences between here and there.

I just don't know what else to say...
I may just be thinking too much into this, though I can't help but realize a few things as well....

....I'm sorry...