The Final Battle-Sephiroth vs Cloud (My rendition)

Well, here I go. It's a short story, talking about Sephiroths feelings during the end.


" Well, here I am. It's time to settle this, Cloud Strife!" Look at him, staring at me with such hatred, who does he think he is? I am Sephiroth, a god now, from his own failures! I shall reduce him to dust! Here he comes...

" Well, Sephiroth, here we are. I will get revenge for those whom I loved. My mother... the villagers...and Aeris. Brace yourself!" Here I go!

Cloud sprints down the clear blue pathway as Sephiroth braces his Masamune for battle. Their swords hit with a screeching echo and they swiftly move apart. Cloud circles slowly around Sephiroth as Sephiroth speaks.

" So, Cloud. Are you going to kill me?" Sephiroth taunts. Cloud glares grimly and arches his sword towards Sephiroths open chest. He catches Sephiroths left arm and slices it nearly off. Sephiroth groans and drops to one knee. He rips off the remains of his arm and points the masamune at Cloud.

" Not much of a negotiator, are you Cloud?" Sephiroth growls. Sephiroth charges at Cloud, his face white with rage. Cloud back-pedals out of the way and catches Sephiroth in the gut. Sephiroth sputters out blood and looks at Cloud. Sephiroth screams as he realizes, he's going to die during this fight.

" No! I cannot die, I am a god! A GOD I TELL YOU!" He bellows. Cloud screams as he lunges to Sephiroth. The last thing Sephiroth saw was a giant blade arching down onto his skull.


So, did I do ok? Any feedback is appreciated.

not bad

[Mistress Sheena]

sagakiller, please add more content to your posts, please.
And that "story"... erm.. it could be better. And.. longer.

[LocoColt04]

Well Garet, when you said "short story," you certainly weren't lying.

What bothered me most wasn't the lack of content (though, there's next-to-no description and it's like a ten-second scene). What really irked me was the random change in perspective.

First, you start off narrating as Sephiroth. Look at him, staring at me... So, we know who you're supposed to be here. The problem is, you follow that with Their swords hit, making for a complete POV swap. The rest of the way, you remain in a third-person viewpoint... so why first-person to start?


Aside from that, more or less what Raine said. It needs length. Beef. Something. It's too short to really be a short story. It's more like a thought process.