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Old 10-29-2005, 03:52 PM Level: -INF  HP: NAN / -INF
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Labaryinth of Love - Poem

Well I just wrote this one. The idea is how love is like a game. Please let me know what you think - any ideas on how to improve, general comments etc

Labaryinth Of Love
The past can never change,
You say you want me to stay,
Discomfited love turning me insane,
Because you push me further away.

Searching for a road to take,
In a twisting labyrinth,
Twighlight hour in its wake,
Acting as your puppet prince.

In the abyss I hear you scream,
My heart pounding in my chest,
I want to wake up from this dream,
To lay my soul to rest.

Memories hang on empty walls,
Of times we shared in ages gone past,
They guide me down these empty halls,
Will these memories always last?

Rats in this maze of love,
Twisting roads and endless bends,
Fate mocking from above,
It’s just another dead end.

Release me from this taunting place,
Guide me back home,
In your heavenly embrace,
I don’t want to die alone.

Pressure on my back as the walls close in,
Locking me away forever,
Torture for my past of sin,
All I wanted was to be together.

Here I die dreaming of your face,
I could never be a part in your heart,
A stain on your flawless grace,
Destined to die apart.



 
 
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Old 10-29-2005, 04:20 PM Level: -INF  HP: NAN / -INF
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Good stuff.

I particularly liked the ending, but this is also a pretty fun poem to play with. I couldn't help but notice that if you just read the 1st and 3rd lines, then the 2nd and 4th lines respectivly in two runs, it changes the mood of the poem a little. Still ends up in the same sad place though... is that intensional?

But yeah, nevermind me. I liked it.



 
 
 
Old 10-31-2005, 05:25 AM Level: 32  HP: 186 / 778
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I usually despise rhyming poems, but I RATHER like this one.

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