Cheating In A Relationship

[Tiffany]

Man you misunderstand me alot Chez lmao.

My comment about it not hurting as much when you're 17 is in response to Sherry's post.

Originally Posted by Sherry Wine

When I cheated on Brodie, he was glad of it, 'cause he fessed up he liked someone else anyway. When you're young, you don't have the maturity level to really know better....thus after it happens to you, you won't do it anymore.

I've been cheated on by just about every boyfriend I had.....and did it hurt me any? No...because they proved to me they weren't the ones for me so I could move on and continue my search. After Brodie, though, if I saw a guy who I thought was better for me than the guy I was with, I would break it off before going with the new guy. It's been years since I went guy-hopping, but I'm happy with my current boyfriend and neither of us know anyone better suited for us than eachother.

And by saying "17" I'm guestimating, but I think Sherry is what... almost 20? And since she mentioned that she wasn't 'sexually active' when she was younger I took a wild stab at it.

Sorry to talk about you in the 3rd person, Sherry.

I personally have never been cheated on by a straight man. A bi-sexual one ....yes, but I forgive that because at least he found himself.^^ I personally don't cheat. I still enjoy looking at other men, but the whole "cheating thing" has never really been an option. An I can't say that my ex. cheated on me because of my sexual oreintation, seeing as I kept my virginity until I was old enough to understand an deal with the resposibility of being sexually active. Which wasn't until I was 18 an out on my own. So I think he just did it because he was truely gay. But he is happy with this one guy he has been dating for a year. So I think if he had not cheated that he would not have found himself. As for the rest of the cheaters out there. If it is cool for you that is okay, but it really does hurt people alot.

[Amphitrite]

I only kissed my ex and it broke my boyfriends heart. Cant imagin if I slept with my ex. Why cheat? Just dont do it...I guess you can look at it that way.

[Lethal Seraphim]

I don't think I've ever been cheated on, not that I know of anyway.

I think I cheated once, but I'm not sure. It was a long time ago and I was in a long long distance relationship with some girl in Oregon(I lived in Idaho at the time) and I never saw this girl cept maybe once a year. Apparently we hadn't been talking a lot lately or something and I went out with a girl in the next town over. My best friend at the time told this to the Oregon girl and she flipped out. She also told my mom about how I'd been smoking pot at the time.

So I guess one betrayal deserves two huh?

Bullshit is what it was. I was so pissed, I get pissed remembering it. 500 miles apart. The whole thing was ridiculous. So ridiculous that I barely count it as a relationship at all.

But maybe it was cheating? I don't think so, but probably. Oh well. I don't really care.

I wouldn't straight up cheat on a girlfriend, you know, a real one. Ridiculously long distance relationships are on a different level with me.

If I was dating someone who was 300+ miles away from me, I'd encourage that person to find someone closer. I almost wouldn't care if they cheated, ya know? Anyway, I'm ranting. That stirred up a lot of old emotions about pointless stupid shit in my life.

As far as the once a cheater always a cheater mantra, sure I'd buy it. If someone's willing to cheat once, or they've cheated a lot in the past, they most likely have a behavioral tendency towards such action. Someone who's cheated before is more likely to cheat than someone who hasn't, wouldn't you say?

However, my good friend has cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had, yet she's going out with my other good friend and she hasn't cheated on him yet. In fact she's stayed with him probably the longest out of any of her other boyfriends. So there's always an exception to the rule I suppose.

Whatev.

[Chez Daja]

I guess you'd care if you'd actually loved her.

This is the problem with young people! You all go around dating whoever, saying you love whoever, but you don't.

Blehck. It's still cheating. Whether it's a ten minute distance or a 500 mile distance. It's still wrong.

[Hecate]

Actually, Chez, in many books about relationships and dating, they DO say an online relationship isn't real. It's just that young people who date online are just too desperate for a relationship and don't wanna wait to find the right person in real life. Online dating services are set up for people who are older who have a hard time finding someone, but it's not online dating if you meet in real life and actually be together offline. MEETING online is one thing, dating online is another. Studies were proven that the feelings one feels for another online when they haven't met in person aren't really REAL....the feelings come from conciously thinking someone likes you and you like to be liked....as everyone does.

Relationships for Dummies....pick it up....special section about relationships and the internet. Good read whether you agree or not.

[Chez Daja]

I've met my boyfriend in real life times before though.
I wouldn't keep going up there if I didn't feel anything for him. It burns a ****ing hole in my pocket everytime I got to see him. £300 for what, two days? Yep. That's somebody who doesn't care about someone...

I don't mean that to offend you or anything, but I really disagree. It's almost discriminating about people dating online.

I think this is probably the only thing you and I have disagreed on, though.

[Hecate]

But you see him IRL....so it's fine. Usually people who meet once from the internet find that they aren't what they thought and have no real connection offline, but that's not always the case. They go into deeper detail about it, I only read the jist of it. They also state if you want an online relationship, and want to KEEP it online, that that is fine too.

[Tiffany]

If you had that book then, and feel like that, then why did you call him a backstabber and say that he cheated on you with her? Just curious. Again, kinda hypocritical. Or did you get the book AFTER you flipped out on them?

But I have to agree... online relationships arn't the same as ones in real life. I mean I don't think that the feelings arn't there, because I do know of alot of people who meet/date online, then meet in person, then date in real life. So I dunno.

I wouldn't say that there arn't feelings at all, neither can you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have gotten so upset about that whole crap. I'm not trying to belittle/berate you, but think about your feelings as well.

[Chez Daja]

Reading the past two posts, I feel I should probably state some things in my own defence. Even though I understand a lot of what you two have been saying, have been to each other (except Sherry's past two posts, it seems.)

I know online and real life relationships are different. I know the differences, and understand them, but I won't let anybody tell me my feelings for my boyfriend since we have seen each other. I make lots of plans to see him whenever I can and in real life, we're happy together.
I have made it clear to my boyfriend that I want to move closer to him so that we can be together more often, and he seems happy with this decision. So yes, most of our relationship is onle at the moment, but our relationship will be progressing into a real life relationship. Besides, we know each other enough online and offline to know what we want from each other. I would personally love a future with him.

[Hecate]

My situation is simmilar. I knew David IRL first and dated for a while, then he moved to New Mexico with his family....so for now we're only online till he can move back here. I know how it is, trust me.

[Tiffany]

I'm not saying it doesn't happen... it most certainly does! A good friend of mine from highschool (looong time ago lol... keep in mind, this was before the mainstream IMing and whatnot.. I think the only thing people had was ICQ or whatever. Man, I feel oooooold lmao)

Anyways, yeah my friend from highschool was talking with some dude down in Idaho. She saved up money, went down and ended up getting married while down there and she's still down there to this day. It definitly happens.

But there's alot of times where it doesn't happen in that sense, and I think that's what Sherry was trying to imply, because there are definitly times where you're just wanting a relationship or whatnot. It's easy to care for people through online things because it's a matter of convience for some. Maybe a self-confidince thing for others.

But as a general rule, I would say that it doesn't work out more than when it does. I would think you're more the execption, rather than the rule. Oh, and never feel like you have to 'defend' yourself... at least not from me! If I say something and you're unsure about it, just ask what I ment.

So this is basically a topic about cheating in relationships.

-Has it ever happened to you, or have you cheated on someone?
If so, did you learn from what you did or what happened to you?

-Do you agree with the phrase "Once a cheater always a cheater"?

Also if you want share the stories of times that you have cheated or been cheated on.

~*~

Yes, I have been cheated on. Twice out of two serious relationships, and a couple out of minor ones. What did I learn? How to be an extremely jaded individual. (I listen to Tom Lykis on the radio, and agree with him. That should explain alot.)

I do think that once someone is a cheater, they will always be one. It's a fundamental character flaw to be unable to remain loyal to someone. Why not just say "I'm breaking up with you." instead of sneaking around? Thrill, I guess. Forbidden fruit and all that jazz.

Story: Met this girl I liked. Gamer chick, thought that was teh h0tz0rs. She cheated on the guy she was dating with my friend, and then went out with him. Later cheated on him with me, and then started dating me. Cheated on me later with some guy she had been friends with for years. Moral of the story? I don't date anymore.

Originally Posted by Tiffany

If you had that book then, and feel like that, then why did you call him a backstabber and say that he cheated on you with her? Just curious. Again, kinda hypocritical. Or did you get the book AFTER you flipped out on them?

THANK YOU!!!

I think if Chez finds love then good for her. Why do we need to judge other people's lives? It is not right. Cheating is wrong, an being that Chez may be in an online relationship means that she has LOTS of trust in whomever she is with. I think that is refreshing. So why judge her. To ME online dating it not real dating, but that is me. You can't go around telling other people who to love. It just not works out that way.

The story above me is sad

I personally would not cheat. However,if my ex had not cheated on me, we may still be together. That means I would be with a liar an an gay man. If no one ever boke up( or things of that nature) then you would still be there in a bad relationship. As much as we would like our first date to de our last. It does not work that way. An sometimes a little love bite is good. That way you can go out an meet the man of your dreams. Internet or not.

[$Nanaki$]

Personally I would never cheat if i was in a committed relation ship, but i have to agree with Bushikaikyuu.
I've been in only 2 serious relationships in my life (i'm 41) and 3 minor ones. Everyone of them has ended in tears, not because i cheated, but because they did. I guess i'm a bit jaded as well, because the one main reason most of them gave was that I couldnt give them what they nedded.
Now don't get me wrong, all of them weren't prefect--but I have learned to take what people say wth a grain of salt.

I would love to meet a girl that wants a comitted relationship, but when you hear all the time of people getting busted for cheating, and marital breakups always hapening, the chamces are getting very slim for me indeed.