[Alpha]

I found this online a few days ago. It basically consists of a stated political or social (or any) ideology, and then explains it concisely in terms of a person owning two cows, and the result of this cow-owner meeting the stated ideology. You'll pick it up.

Here's the original:

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


And to this I've added some of my own:



ZIONISM: You have two cows. Foreign governments take both of them, tell some cows from another farm to move to a paddock without a water trough, and puts your cows on the pasture with access to the trough, and set up a big electric fence to keep the displaced cows out.

CLASSICAL LIBERALISM: You have two cows. An invisible hand milks them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They stop producing milk as they refuse to conform to socially-constructed gender roles.

REALISM: You have two cows. Their lives are solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

IDEALISM: You have two cows. They don't produce milk, yet everyone has their fill.

POSTMODERNISM: You have two cows. The government assures you that they exist, but you're not entirely sure.

ANIMALISM: You have two cows. They are both created equal, though one is more equal than the other.

ORWELLIAN: You have two cows. Doubleplusgood.

Go on, if you know what these mean, and there's one on your mind, chuck it in, make it funny but still applicable. Any term is acceptable (within reason), and you can even do old ones again if you think you have a better application for a term.

Enjoy,
Alf

[Aerif]

AMERICAN CAPATILISM: You have two cows. You sell their milk and hire minimum-wage workers to milk them. Eventually you buy a bull and create you're own little international business of cows. The milkers may or may not be from Mexico.

McDONALD'S-ISM: You have two cows. You genetically-modify them and sell their meat in hamburgers. You import your milk.

BRITISH SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Unfortunately not a lot of people have cows so the price of milk stays high. You secretly love it.

DISNEY-ISM: You have two cows. You make an animated film about them and one of them happens to be a male cow (...) . They fall in love and sing songs.

[Alpha]

HISTORICAL STRUCTURALISM: You have two cows. They live in two separate paddocks, and are always arguing. The reason for this is that the grass is in fact greener on the other side.