The Final Fantasy Forums  

Go Back   The Final Fantasy Forums > Archived Threads > Cleft of Dimension

Cleft of Dimension Here you can view old classic threads, including: fanfics, pics, and great topics.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 03-19-2007, 06:51 AM Level: 22   HP: 75 / 529
Casanova[OCAU]'s HPCasanova[OCAU]'s HP
  EXP: 17%
Casanova[OCAU]'s XPCasanova[OCAU]'s XP
  #1 (permalink)
Lulu lover
 
Casanova[OCAU]'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: melb.aus

   Posts    584
        
Gil: 56,644.25

Casanova[OCAU] sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)Casanova[OCAU] sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)Casanova[OCAU] sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)
Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

Got this link via email and I think it's a pot of gold:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/about/...279126743.html


Quote:
1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.

2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time

3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.

4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.

5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.

6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.

7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.

8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.

9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.

10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.

11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.

12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.

13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.

14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “**** off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.

15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife ****ing somebody else.

16. Keep fit.

17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.

18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.

19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably ****ing someone else.

21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.

22. Have and nurture friendships with women.

23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.

24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “**** my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word **** (except in the context of “Don’t send a **** shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older.

25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.

26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.

27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.
28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.

29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting ****ed over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

vicioustwist
san francisco
02-15-07
__________________
Spoiler:
dont u have anything better to do than highlighting my sig?



Rikkuffx's hubby..
Casanova[OCAU] is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 12:42 PM Level: 58   HP: 776 / 1432
Strong Bad's HPStrong Bad's HP
  EXP: 30%
Strong Bad's XPStrong Bad's XP
  #2 (permalink)
TFF Veteran
 
Strong Bad's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Brandon, MB.

   Posts    7,167
        
Gil: 883,398.34

Strong Bad has teamed up with Cloud - (lv 3)Strong Bad has teamed up with Cloud - (lv 3)
Interesting points were made. I don't know how inspiring it was.. but it was interesting to read, none the less.
__________________



Horsebag Mama
My Flash E-card
Strong Bad is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 01:06 PM Level: 61   HP: 1008 / 1500
Neo Necron's HPNeo Necron's HP
  EXP: 2%
Neo Necron's XPNeo Necron's XP
  #3 (permalink)
Joee
 
Neo Necron's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Exeter/High Wycombe, England

   Posts    8,230
        
Gil: 49,543.21

Neo Necron jumps rope with Freya - (lv 5)Neo Necron jumps rope with Freya - (lv 5)Neo Necron jumps rope with Freya - (lv 5)
Quote:
Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.
I accidentally scrolled down too far, read that, and therefore chose not to read the rest of the advice.

Hehe, I kid. interesting stuff. Especially the one about why you shouldn't join the marines... that's always something I've thought myself.
Though since I never planned on joining the military in any way, I guess it never mattered anyway....
__________________



By posting below this text you hereby pledge unquestionable servitude to Neo Necron


Warnings: -10 Warning level: -1000. He's just that awesome.
Neo Necron is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 01:32 PM Level: 31   HP: 335 / 763
Sinister's HPSinister's HP
  EXP: 54%
Sinister's XPSinister's XP
  #4 (permalink)
I don't need some time...
 
Sinister's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Dark and Bloody Ground

   Posts    1,336
        
Gil: 25,099.04

Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)Sinister has gathered the Crystals - (lv 9)
I can't say that I agree with most of this "advice's" pseudo-Americana Fortune-Cookieness.

Too much broadness and cycnicism to live by. Diogenes would like this, but it's not my bag.

#8 and #30 are extremely wise. Namely #8.
__________________
I am in the air now. I am in your lungs. I am written. I am spoken by a million flaming tongues. I am the lens through which you see. I am the process. I am the key. I am synapses firing, bullets from above. I am the world's mystique. I am the words you speak. I am language. I am hidden memories that you seek. I am the sun before you see me rise. I burn still when you close your eyes. I am the soul that never dies when flesh is weak. I'm inside of you; in spite of you with strength and sacred grace. But for all you do, I'll carry you from this bitter place...


Captain of the 2nd Division squad-BLEACH Club

Captain of the 1st Division Dragoon Commandos

"They tried to demonstrate their brazen insubordination!"

"We, draculs, have a right to be proud."

Fishie is my bro. Forever, dude. Celtic is a great friend. Govinda is my intelligent Sister! My Captain and Brother, T.G. Oskar. Vampiric Delirium is my goth twin.
Sinister is online now       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 01:46 PM Level: 22   HP: 97 / 526
CLOUD's HPCLOUD's HP
  EXP: 5%
CLOUD's XPCLOUD's XP
  #5 (permalink)
- Captain Cloudy -
 

Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The land with the light engraved on the stone.

   Posts    577
        
Gil: 15,926.23

CLOUD sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)CLOUD sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)CLOUD sips tea with Black Mage - (lv 4)
I agree. The women thing is true.

No matter what, the guy's opinions are interesting, although not everything is applied in my life.

I didn't understand No20 that well- can anyone explain?
CLOUD is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 01:47 PM Level: 42   HP: 239 / 1039
Taco's HPTaco's HP
  EXP: 59%
Taco's XPTaco's XP
  #6 (permalink)
Hell is nothing. I am everything.
 
Taco's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: 123 Make Believe St.

   Posts    2,917
        
Gil: 338,412.73

Taco travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Taco travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Taco travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Taco travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Taco travels time with Crono - (lv 6)
Heh. "Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical." I like that.

I also like the majority of this list. It's blunt and honest, as far as I can tell. I like that he insists that men should be "real," and not just poseurs, and that the rest of the world is looking out for itself. Also, that you should speak your mind, even when your voice becomes shaky. I think I agree with most of this. If only I could live by it. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom
__________________
Proud mother of Aerif and Chez Daja


"Everything here dies alone..." -Al the Killer
Taco is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 02:21 PM Level: 31   HP: 223 / 771
Grizzly's HPGrizzly's HP
  EXP: 86%
Grizzly's XPGrizzly's XP
  #7 (permalink)
Fear the wrath of my beard
 
Grizzly's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA

   Posts    1,370
        
Gil: 24,338.58

Grizzly travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Grizzly travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Grizzly travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Grizzly travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Grizzly travels time with Crono - (lv 6)
Yeah, it's very direct, lol. I'm sure that guy is pretty cool. And quite a few good points as it was said. They are enlightening.
__________________
Grizzly is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 06:59 PM Level: 31   HP: 191 / 752
Plastik Assassin's HPPlastik Assassin's HP
  EXP: 11%
Plastik Assassin's XPPlastik Assassin's XP
  #8 (permalink)
The Voice Of Reason
 
Plastik Assassin's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saint Paul, MN

   Posts    1,292
        
Gil: 2,917,356.44

Plastik Assassin travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Plastik Assassin travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Plastik Assassin travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Plastik Assassin travels time with Crono - (lv 6)Plastik Assassin travels time with Crono - (lv 6)
I agree wholeheartedly with most of those remarks.

Some I agree with more than others, but that's because some of them are so true, I hate to admit that I fail at following them.

Good stuff indeed.
__________________
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Listen To Your Heartbeat Flow And Imagine
Become Jackson Pollack Airbrush Chinese Dragons


Plastik Assassin is offline       
 
 
Old 03-19-2007, 07:13 PM Level: 42   HP: 828 / 1048
Fishie's HPFishie's HP
  EXP: 93%
Fishie's XPFishie's XP
  #9 (permalink)
¤To The Edge¤
 
Fishie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fragile With My Crystal Ball, Shattered On The Ground

   Posts    2,981
        
Gil: 195,314.78

Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Fishie has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)
Great thread!!

5 and 7 crack me up the most though. I don't think I abide by this either though. I would say I probably go by 4, 14, 15, and 16 by the most out of all of them though. This guy is definitely wise.
__________________

TFF Family, Last.fm, And More..:


TwistedArcano's Profile Page

Fishie is offline       
 
Sponsored Links
 
Old 03-20-2007, 07:44 AM Level: 19   HP: 34 / 458
Autumn's HPAutumn's HP
  EXP: 32%
Autumn's XPAutumn's XP
  #10 (permalink)
Hello.
 
Autumn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2005

   Posts    433
        
Gil: 83,159.58

Autumn takes classes from Quistis - (lv 2)
I read the first few replies and number 29 and then decided to read the replies instead. Women and Craigslist? I feel compelled to post up something I was shown a while ago:

Quote:
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
Link: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

Owned.
Autumn is offline       
 
 
Old 03-20-2007, 09:03 AM Level: 59   HP: 1456 / 1456
Chez Daja's HPChez Daja's HP
  EXP: 27%
Chez Daja's XPChez Daja's XP
  #11 (permalink)
MODERATOR
 
Chez Daja's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: A hamsters' tummy.

   Posts    7,533
        
Gil: 1,359,482.85

Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)Chez Daja has mastered Ultima - (lv 10)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states