Inferiority Complex

Neo Necron · 03-16-2007, 06:26 AM

Interesting... it's been weeks... possibly months since I posted with anything of interest, and now I come up with a thread like this...

Looking at how I've acted in certain social situations recently, and after reading up on some Psychology, I've come to realise I've probably got an inferiority complex as far as my social life is concerned. I read up on some of the signs, and it seems to describe me perfectly. I react badly to criticism and embarressment. When I'm feeling left out of a conversation I either completely shy away and stay quiet or try too hard to have something to say, and say something stupid. On the occasion that I dont say something stupid, I start to assume it was stupid anyway, which makes me feel even more embarressed. Also, if I like somebody, and I see them getting on better with another person better than me, I just feel like giving up. Infact, that happened last night, and I got seriously depressed about it, hence why I've decided I need to sort myself out. I really feel as though my brain is a mess lately.

It's causing me to act in ways I don't mean to act, and I really hate it. I know that I'm not really inferior, and I know that my friends enjoy my company, but it's just impossible to shake off the feeling of inferiority. Does anybody else get this, or have ever had it? How do/did you cope with it?

Hannya · 03-16-2007, 08:09 AM

I have the same problems as you do during conversations frequently and various social situations. Other problems I have are that I make akward silences, I am very bad with new people, I have trouble making eye contact, I don't like going to public places, if I get embarassed I remember it and it always comes back to haunt me, etc. Out of all of my problems I would say I have SAD (social anxiety disorder) and even a mild inferiority complex. There aren't many ways I can think of coping with it except facing my fear and working it out on my own, so far I have made little progression. However little is better than nothing.

Jin · 03-16-2007, 08:57 AM

Oh yeah, there's plenty of people around like you, especially on an internet forum. Hell, I'm one of them. I'm no psychologist, so I have no idea why it is that some people have problems such as this, but the fact is that people do and it is very difficult to get over. Many people will just tell you to suck it up and that you're being stupid, but that serves no purpose. It's not so easy to remove the feeling that you're worthless and that everyone you love is constantly about to leave you and stop loving you in return. It's not a matter of consciously choosing not to be that way as it isn't a conscious choice to be that way. It's a completely irrational feeling that occupies your mind when you don't want it to. I can't give you any advice as I still have no clue how to deal with it, except perhaps to trust your instincts less. I know that's generally a poor idea, but in cases like this, your instincts are tained with the irrational feeling of self-doubt.

Angantyr · 03-16-2007, 09:06 AM

I do believe a lot of people feel like this at times, its mostly paranoia but often I go to talk to people and often feel like everybody is ignoring me. I used to feel this way a lot, often assumed when people were telling me something they were also mocking me. I am quite defensive myself, I hate it when people have answer for everything, like I get angry over something then mention it and they turn it right back on me. It is quite depressing to try and say something when it feels like it is going in one ear and out the other.

It's not so much that I feel inferior, in fact it is quite the opposite, which is why I feel the ignore me. I do not try to sound like I have a superior intelligence or anything (far from it) but I have a hard time trying to explain where I am coming from, perhaps not really what I am saying but how I am saying it, like I lack Charisma or something like that.

Also the way stereotypes are often provoked these days its like people think they understand how people feel yet at the same time they do not change how they act towards them, if anything they use it to make them feel worse. There are a lot of hypocrites who say they feel sorry and want to be nice to them but most of them are full of shit. But yeah, I kind of know what you mean and felt the same way during HS.

CLOUD · 03-16-2007, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Winter

I do believe a lot of people feel like this at times, its mostly paranoia but often I go to talk to people and often feel like everybody is ignoring me. I used to feel this way a lot, often assumed when people were telling me something they were also mocking me. I am quite defensive myself, I hate it when people have answer for everything, like I get angry over something then mention it and they turn it right back on me. It is quite depressing to try and say something when it feels like it is going in one ear and out the other.

It's not so much that I feel inferior, in fact it is quite the opposite, which is why I feel the ignore me. I do not try to sound like I have a superior intelligence or anything (far from it) but I have a hard time trying to explain where I am coming from, perhaps not really what I am saying but how I am saying it, like I lack Charisma or something like that.

Also the way stereotypes are often provoked these days its like people think they understand how people feel yet at the same time they do not change how they act towards them, if anything they use it to make them feel worse. There are a lot of hypocrites who say they feel sorry and want to be nice to them but most of them are full of shit. But yeah, I kind of know what you mean and felt the same way during HS.

I agree on this one. I used to be like that in the past. Damn, i didn't know that was some sort of inferiority complex...It' s just that i know i am not & i hate it when people treat me in a way that makes me doubt about myself or feel stupid, when i've proven myself that i am not..I just hate it & who wouldn't?

There have been times when i felt ignored, without my words meaning anything, sort of stupid. This year, i made some new friends, older than me & they all knew each other well. That way, i didn't fit in most conversations & i found myself on some cafeteria couch, staring at my cup of coffee, without having something to say, with everyone else talking to each other. What i did then was wait, be patient & silent. Thank god i can stay silent for hours. Then, i'd just find an excuse & i'd leave after some time.

When i liked someone & i saw that someone else was getting along well with her, i'd probably give up too, stand in the corner with someone i know & spend my time without any effort of approaching that person. Well,it is a bit difficult to go over to someone i don't know & start some sort of weird- stupid conversation. It's just not like me...I' ve made some progress with that the past months, but i have a long way to go.

Inferiority complex or not, the thing is that you try to get over your problems yourself. It is hard & like i have, you'll recieve quite a few blows. But it's worth it. I learned from my mistakes & i do my best not to repeat them. What if i'm ignored sometimes, what if i don't have a great success with the other sex when kagoures are involved??? I've done some thinking & now i know what my pros & cons are, as well as what to do in similar situations.

I've grown to be someone who doesn't care about these minor stuff. I just don't care. I'm ignored? Ok, i'll just go to my friends who don't. I didn't act well with someone i liked & it's not gonna happen? Whatever, there are other to try with or even different ways to approach the ones i failed with. I often am "victim" of stereotypes when it comes to my manners, my appearance, my origin, everything. That might hurt, but i hope that sometime, my turn will come & revenge is one of my best features. I like hurting people, especially if i judge that they deserve it.

This is serious. I'm no optimist, but feeling bad isn't an option. I believe that most of all, you have to feel good about yourself. I'm not perfect or goodlooking, but this doesn't mean that i'll give up on everything. If i did,i'd be long gone,i'd have killed myself. Call it egoism, or anything you want; your main priority should be yourself. Others? Inferiority? Faok them...(not easy, but at least try)

Govinda · 03-16-2007, 11:57 AM

I used to feel like that a lot in social situations, but I don't really seem to anymore. I'm sitting here trying to work out how and when the change occured. Reading all of your posts, I'm reminded of many things that I felt a few years back.

These days, in social situations, I'm...well, very confident. I've always been confident around people, but these days it's more than the mask it used to be.

I think (I get the feeling that this is going to sound stupid) that I just...learned to like myself, I think. I know that may sound egotistical, but it's true. If I met someone for the first time and didn't like them a few years back, I'd assume that the problem was mine, and that they were somehow better; but now, I just think, 'Holy crap, I need to avoid that twat in future.' The problem isn't mine anymore, because I've learned that even if everyone somehow deserted me, I'd still have myself and my cigarettes to get by with.

I suppose it's just because I somehow made lonliness smaller than it is, in my head. My inferiority thing was always just a fear of not being liked, really, and once I came to understand that being alone is preferable to being with people I don't like, I stopped worrying.

I have fewer friends now that I did then, and now feel better, and enjoy my life a lot more. When meeting new people I don't have to worry about them being better than me, or not liking me; I have a close circle that I know love me, and won't desert me. And even if I was somehow alone, I'd just have to cope with it.

Confidence and egoism in small doses are what you need, I think. I really hope this made sense, because I know very well the feelings described in this thread, and I wouldn't wish them upon anyone. Just learn to like yourself, but don't be narcissistic about it, mind.

Novacrash · 03-16-2007, 01:12 PM

I find the answer too this too be short and simple, its what I did/do when I feel like this, hasnt happened in a while though.

Find what your good at, and show it off, show it too everyone,
I know it seems kinda..like..over-used advice, but it works.

OmniTense · 03-16-2007, 01:36 PM

Ah. Let us see what Lao Tzu has to say on this topic...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lao Tzu

He who displays himself is not conspicuous;
He who shows himself is not manifest;
He who boasts of himself will have no merit;
He who brags about himself will not endure;

If you want attention then shun it and it will follow you like a lost puppy. That may sound formulaic and rather mongoloid but test it and even if it does not work you will have gained the virture of being humble.

Self-confidence is a wretched thing...

Those that have it, do not need it and those that desperately need it, will never have it. If you stop your lust for it then it will find you.

Strong Bad · 03-16-2007, 06:35 PM

Joee is super great and kisses lots of girls.

I've learned to not fret over small things and just do it. Sure, critizism follows and people put you down... but whatever man? Break through your bounderies and you'll come out a happy man/woman.

It just takes work. Pray about it if it's really a problem, Joee.

Tifa · 03-18-2007, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintatsu

Oh yeah, there's plenty of people around like you, especially on an internet forum. Hell, I'm one of them.

I lolled and QFT.

Anyway, I've generally tried to be more optimistic about things so they don't bother me as much. I work harder on things so embarassment is less likely, and I'm overly critical of what I do so I just take it in stride if someone points it out. As far as group convos .. I always throw in random crap that's generally unrelated but still amusing so whatever. Group dynamic. This is a bit harder to get through I guess. I still do feel inferior or whatever sometimes though. Usually when I don't match up with who's in the group (for projects, etc) so I'm usually quiet. But if there's something where they're falling behind in I usually jump ahead there so it's not too bad (like no direction, etc).

Also as far as relationships, I've learned lately that it's something that I really don't need or want, especially at this time-- so I haven't had too much trouble with that. Lol asexual 8D

I guess my solutions kind of help in that I like sharing ideas / information / thoughts though ... aka, talking a lot. HURR.

Quistis · 03-18-2007, 09:53 PM

In my case, I noticed that I get some sort of "inferiority complex" when I am in a relationship. It makes sense because if we like/love someone, we want to please them. In social situations, we want to feel accepted and so we frantically think of ways on how to feel welcomed or something I guess.

My inferiority complex was at its worst with my former relationship because I practically became a different person just to please my ex (he wasn't a gamer, he liked going out with friends, watching football, going to bars.). Eventually, it backfired on me as my self confidence went down the drain and the relationship came down with it. He later on told me that he didn't feel the same anymore and broke up with me. I was devastated.

After about more than a year, I completely got over him and went back to my former self and started enjoying my freedom again. During the times when I am single and not caring about anything in the world, I find that I am most confident and I notice how people are drawn to me naturally (sometimes to the point that I just want to be left alone).

Now that I think of it, what OmniTense posted is right:

Quote:

If you want attention then shun it and it will follow you like a lost puppy....

The point is...just be yourself (another cliche advice) and not to worry too much. You are most attractive when you're you. =)

relm · 03-19-2007, 01:18 PM

I have a small bit to add.

Whenever I get the idea or feeling of inferiority, it always has to relate
to relationships. I'm not just talking about the lovey dovey type, but
any type of relationships, whether it be at work, family, friends, or bf-gf.
Haha, in my case though, in seeking that elusive significant other, questions
always pop up into my head such as "am I good enough?", "am I smart
enough?" These questions always lead to the same realization that if the
person was really my friend, they'd accept me for who I was, and not just
some false idea of myself.

Someone I respected once told me, that in order to love another, you must
first love yourself - to me, a thought worth keeping in mind.

Neo Necron · 03-19-2007, 02:09 PM

Good advice, cheers guys. As soon as I realised this was a problem, i started to feel a bit better, actually. And of course, your replies also took part in that

I guess the trick is to see yourself as someone great, but not to go around telling everybody you're great since cockiness is not a good thing, yet neither is self-doubt.