Sick of "friends" who "joke" too much...

[Chez Daja]

Ugh...

I don't really know what else to do about this, so I thought I'd post it here, considering I feel so hopeless about the situation.

A friend of mine knows I haven't been sleeping very well lately, knows I've been massively depressed due to different mood stabilizers not working, knows I'm having a LOAD of problems in general lately.

Anyway, he comes online tonight, and starts "joking" about... and not to get me to laugh; for his own satisfaction. The worst thing is, he's joking about something he knows I'm EXTREMELY sensitive about.

Eventually, I question him about it, probably, in the process, getting overly sensitive about it. He starts calling me emo because I was upset, considering I had some family issues last night... (read journal for more info)... In the end, I blocked him.

The thing is, I was realy close to that person, and I miss our friendship massively... he just depresses me lately, to the point of wanting to distance myself from him as much as humanly possible...

So I want to pose a few questions...

Have you ever gone through this with somebody you considered close to you?
Did it get better?
Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?

I'm overly sensitive lately, but if he really cared, he'd stay away from "joking" about painful subjects... is that so bad of me?

[Sinister]

It sounds like either your friend isn't very "clued-in" on your sensitivity or he was feeling a tad sadistic.

In the long run of your friendship, this means ****all(to use your native parlance). If you were really close to him and he is still a good friend in other respects you must either make it clear to him in a way that he will understand. Do NOT retaliate on him!

In answer to your questions.

Have you ever gone through this with somebody you considered close to you?
Yes. Yes, I have. I had a friend who used to tease me over the fact that I was short (At the time I was 4 foot something at age 13)

Did it get better?
As a guy, it is more than normal to be teased without mercy over things you're sensitive about. In the end, that makes them all the less sensitive. They tease me, I tease in return and in the end we all learn how to laugh at it. But then again being short is not so good in the area of a comparison...

I just know that, in the end, as the past fades away and those sensitive subjects grow farther away, the pain numbs and eventually disappears. And whereas your sensitivity may heal on it's own, the friendship will not

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?
Simple. Continue it as normal after you let him know, in your own subtle or non-subtle way, that you did not like his behavior.

[Chez Daja]

Originally Posted by OmniTense

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?
Simple. Continue it as normal after you let him know, in your own subtle or non-subtle way, that you did not like his behavior.

Trust me, I've made it severely clear to him how I feel about it.

He just called me emo for bringing it up with him.

Which just pisses me off further. Lack of sleep has made me a snappier person than ever, and if I've been like this for about a month and a half.

My sleeping pattern is juuust about getting back to normal... Hopefully then, I can un-grit my teeth and make a calmer decision about whether or not to "ditch" his friendship or attempt to fix it, as I have been trying to since it got to this stupid stage.

Thanks for your advise, Mr. Henry lookalike. You are too kind!

[Grizzly]

Oh, I had a friend like this for quite a long time. It was sad though because whenever it was just me and him he'd be all cool with me and everything, but then when we were with my best friend he'd ****ing decide to team up on me and start saying some harsh immature shit. Like stuff that was like "Dude, that's pushing it". Luckily for him I told my best friend and he told him. He admitted he was being way too harsh on me and decided to stop.

Have you ever gone through this with somebody you considered close to you?
Yep, just mentioned it, lol.

Did it get better?
I have yet to meet him again, but he's been having problems with friendship ever since he began banging this one chick. Seems like he's becoming less and less a friend.

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?
Take the shit he gave you and throw it in his face. Don't sit back and just bottle it up. Make the inconsiderate ass feel guilty for putting that shit on you. Given your personality and the way you act would have me think you "emo" too, but that's no excuse to be a **** and joke around about that kind of stuff.

[Angantyr]

Have you ever gone through this with somebody you considered close to you?

Perhaps I keep these kind of things to myself being a male and all but I do not know about your situation but a lot of these people are hypocrites, I know for a fact when it comes to things like this I am.

Did it get better?

Look what happened with us before, and look at our friendship now... that should give you a fair idea of what may happen if you do sort it out.

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?

Wait it out, some of these kind of things I guess you could say "heal with time", I think you should just be quiet about it and wait till they start to feel guilty and realize you were serious about.

I'm overly sensitive lately, but if he really cared, he'd stay away from "joking" about painful subjects... is that so bad of me?

From the sound of it, it is pretty much the same situation I felt before with you, I took it way to far as I got quite pissed off but eventually I got over it right? Like I said you should just wait it out for now, some people say stupid things without thinking and do not realize it till much later. I guess you could try sort it out no but then they will not think much of it and do it again, I know it sux but I think you should stand your ground.

[Novacrash]

Yeah..stuffs like thats happened too me before, and it gets better. Just good friends are around each other so much they can get annoyed with each-other pretty quickly, especially if its happened before.

There is a very delicate procedure for this kind of stupidity, it involves a baseball bat and the prefrontal cortex.

[Chez Daja]

Originally Posted by Winter

Did it get better?

Look what happened with us before, and look at our friendship now... that should give you a fair idea of what may happen if you do sort it out.

Very true, but this wasn't just a few mean messages... I'm talking full conversations of him just slamming me completely.

I don't want to lose his friendship, so I've been ignoring him for a while, to cool down. Might make things worse, but right now I can't stand being around somebody who can only insult and bitch about how depressed I am.

Originally Posted by Winter

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?

Wait it out, some of these kind of things I guess you could say "heal with time", I think you should just be quiet about it and wait till they start to feel guilty and realize you were serious about.

Oh trust me, Winter, he ****ing knows. If somethings' bothering me, I'll make it so clear, it'll almost blind you.

Emotional pain sucks big time, and I refuse to deal with it when I don't need to.

Originally Posted by Winter

I'm overly sensitive lately, but if he really cared, he'd stay away from "joking" about painful subjects... is that so bad of me?

From the sound of it, it is pretty much the same situation I felt before with you, I took it way to far as I got quite pissed off but eventually I got over it right? Like I said you should just wait it out for now, some people say stupid things without thinking and do not realize it till much later. I guess you could try sort it out no but then they will not think much of it and do it again, I know it sux but I think you should stand your ground.[/color]

I think you could have some very good points here.

Thank you for that Winter, dear.

And the rest of you, too. Hopefully with enough opinions, I can figure out how to really go about it, although for now, I'm just ignoring him, or giving him short messages if he talks to me.

[zell_dincht0808]

Well I have never been in this situation but if I be honest I think that if he was a real friend he would understand your sensitivity and back off and not make jokes about the subject...maybe not even mention the subject at all unless he is trying to help you with it.

But one thing I have done is fallen out with a friend.

Wait it out, some of these kind of things I guess you could say "heal with time", I think you should just be quiet about it and wait till they start to feel guilty and realize you were serious about.

I agree with Winter here, the best thing to do is to leave it, eventually you will both miss each other or your friend will feel guilty and realise the seriousness of his comments, if you find that neither of you miss each other and he doesn't feel what he did was wrong at all...maybe your not as close friends as you thought and you should seriously consider whether you want to make up with him at a later date.

Hope everything is sorted out Chez.

[Pimpitri]

Have you ever gone through this with somebody you considered close to you?
Yes. And every time he would go overboard with the jokes, it would go too far.

Did it get better?
Um...well for a while we stopped talking because I asked him why he has to be an ass about serious shit and in a way I felt like he was just throwing things that I take seriously in my face and we got into an argument. After I well he apologized and we became cool again.

Do you have any advise for how I can get our friendship back?
There is a line when you make jokes to people, even your friends. Sometimes it can hurt them. You already made it clear to your friend that you don't like it. It seems like he's pushing you to the edge before you snap at him. Maybe he doesn't understand that much of what you're going through, but you need to sort it out though like Winter mentioned.