Marriage?

[Tifa]

I'm just curious I guess. I brought this up with some of my friends last night, but I've been wondering about it for a while now. Generally, I think, age for marriage has been moving up- somewhere in the late 20's for the US. I've noticed though, that a lot of friends of my friends get engaged after only a short period of time together-- or at least, short in my opinion. Generally it seems that I've seen people get engaged after dating for two years. (Eighteen months in one case-- or maybe that was just after meeting their now husband ...)

Personally, I think two years is way too short. Maybe four years, assuming the couple starts dating in their early twenties. That being said, people going out in secondary school for five years don't count since everything changes once you graduate (or at least, when you hit college). Myeeh. Actually, reminds me of a friend telling me about how their brother didn't consider an 8 year relationship with his girlfriend "serious" or something. That's a little too extreme if you ask me though <<;

Opinions? How long, or how well do you think people should know each other before marriage? Assuming you believe in marriage.

[OmniTense]

It all depends on how you go about dating and marriage. Me? I don't date all that often and when I do it has to be someone pretty special. For me to go out with the same person for two years would be a major commitment. By the end of two years I would have memorized everything about this person just because that's how I roll.

I personally make it a point to go with the flow. If it feels like two years hasn't been enough for me to learn everything about that person then I might go it a bit longer or vice versa if she needs more time.

There are a lot of variables and factors for that kind of thing.

[MrDomino]

I'd have to say I wholly agree with you. Although two years may seem like a long time, you really have to put it in perspective. Marriage is, ideally, supposed to be with one person, 'til death. If you're getting married after 2 years at 25 years old, you've got a long time to go 'til death,' and you're likely to run into a lot of surprises after you're married for a couple years.

Also, when one is getting married in your twenties, that's usually right in the middle of when most are trying to establish themselves in the world. Getting careers in order, looking at homes to buy, deciding where you want to live: it all happens right in that age bracket. I feel that getting married during that time would just be asking for trouble. All the added stress from those extra circumstances could really put unnecessary stress on the relationship, as well.

But I also feel that a question like this can't simply be answered with a blanket statement. Just like anything else in life, it all depends on the individuals in the relationship. If it's between two mature, level-headed people, then I say go for it. Odds are that all likely events and circumstances that come along with getting married have been considered and weighed out, and they know what they're getting into. Conversely, if the two individuals are more immature or compulsive, then it is most likely a good idea to hold off for a bit, let everything settle down, and make sure that the person you're considering getting married to is really who you want to be with for the rest of your life.

Anyway, that's just my two cents on the matter.

[Maridia]

Well really it could vary. Like you might know the person as a friend for x years before you got involved. BUt personally I couldn't see getting married with anything less than 5 or more years of time together. I don't like the way marriages are now adays. People believe you can divorce oh so easily to end it. But that's why marriage is supposed tobe a big thing, because it's supposed to be only once and not something rushed into. So personally I wouldn't get married til say at least 27 or around there, since career wise you won't be making alot til then. So overall 27 or older with at least 5 years time put in. And I really don't want to get married to be honest til my early to mid 30's. I'm in no rush to get into that stuff.

[U2Girl1966]

So I guess my boyfriend and I are about three years overdue to get hitched.

We haven't gotten married yet because, well....we both feel married to each other in our hearts. In a way, it would just be a piece of paper. I know there's all the legal aspects/reasons to get married, but we're in no hurry. And after 8 years together, it's not like either of us is going to run off.

We'll get around to it someday.

[Chez Daja]

My parents were together for about fifteen years before they tied the knot.

In that time, they had three kids together and pretty much did all of the things that married couples do, apart from having some big ceremoney. And the horrible thing is, when they got married, they just went downhill.

Neither of them had really loved each other from the start it seemed (however, they both had children from former relationships, so maybe that was their reaosning to actually get together.)



In my personal opinion, though...

I don't feel there's any need to get married at all. You can get into a relationship and still be comitted, still be serious with each other.

Personally, I think you should be with each other a few years before you get married. And by a few I mean like, four or five.
I'd be thrilled if my boyfriend asked me, but when I think about it really, I don't really know how I'd react.

I don't know if I'll get married in my life; I suppose I haven't really thought it all through yet. I'm only a teenager, after all. Getting engaged would be awesome, but I wouldn't actually take that ACTUAL full-on marital-taking-on-his-last-name-thing step for a few years yet.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years now, so I'd be cool with getting engaged if he ever actually wanted to... but marriage would wait.

I don't need a slip of paper to tell me I'm in love with somebody.

I do want kids, though... >_>;. At some point. Maybe.

[Govinda]

I don't really see the point in marriage, to be honest.

I mean, if my boyfriend ever asked me (which I really doubt he ever will, he has the same stance on the issue as I do) I'd be over the moon; but only because it would mean that I'd get to wear a wonderful dress and have everyone fuss over me for a day. But, then again, I would have to kiss my boyfriend in front of my parents.

That last sentence shows my age, I suppose. I'm young yet; maybe one day I will want to. I don't know right now. But, before ever saying yes, I would have to have known the person for a very long time, and love them very much.

[Tiffany]

I agree with the opinion that you should be waiting at least 2 years before you start contemplating getting married.

Most of the people around here "get engaged" (ie- are engaged, but a proper engagement ring has not been given.) around the year and a half mark. That's not a long time.

A friend of mine has a really good outlook on it. Her and her B/F have been togeather for 3 years. Of course everyone keeps asking when they're going to tie the knot. But she doesn't want to get engaged until she can afford to have the wedding.

I'm like her. I thing incredibly long engagements are retarded. Get engaged when you can have the wedding in a year. That's standard. Anyways, just my personal take on it all.

[Georg Prime]

Well I'm not one for marriage myself, but I definitely agree about waiting for more than two years. It seems like a lot of young people these days are really jumping into things, and I think If you do wish to get married, you should spend some time meeting people and finding somebody special who you really love and care about.

I have a friend who is my age (19), she has been dating one guy for maybe a year or so (probably a little more) and suddenly they are engaged. It will probably be more than two years before they are actually married but I feel like she is way too young and althought she KNEW the guy longer, they werent dating for barely a year or a little more before getting into the whole thing. I feel like marriage should be a lifetime commitment and that is hardly the case these days, and it seems like a waste to jump into things, only to have it fall apart in time. Another friend is freshly turned twenty and she is married already, she actually met this guy online and although he lived somewhat in the area (not the same town), they ended up moving in together and probably dated for 3 or so years before sealing the deal. That's why it's important to really find the right person.

I for one don't see the point in marriage and don't really believe in it. I have vowed to myself that I will never get married though obviously I may change my mind sometime down the road. I see marriage as a way of giving up in life, throwing in the towel, I personally would never want somebody (even somebody I really care for) legally attatched to me, my name, my money, and my belongings. I'll have serious girlfriends no doubt, maybe someday find a lifetime mate, but marriage is something I'm very iffy on and don't see myself wanting to do it now, 5 years from now, 10 years, hell probably 20.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm playing the ball game and living the single life as long as I can. I'm defnitely not ready to settle down ANYTIME soon, there are too many great ladies to meet!

[OceanEyes28]

I'm really similar to Tiffany in my thoughts on marriage.

I'm okay being in a relationship for a long time. The longer we're together, the better prepared we are to spend the rest of our lives together. I think there's merit in living together first. Whether or not you leave sex until after marriage is one thing. But I think if you room together and have to deal with each other day to day, you get a good idea if it'll work. It's easy to swoon over each other when you're both prepared to go on a date. Or when you get it together at your own homes and then see each other. But the day to day you.... the one that clips your toenails, blows your nose, and needs a shower... that's where love comes in. I think people need to be able to deal with and love their partner's odd quirks that you only really discover while living together and being together for a long time.

But I think that as soon as you get engaged, you should begin planning the wedding. You have to keep that momentum going, or it'll never happen. Or it won't be quite as exciting when it does. Or someone will overthink it, and it'll fall apart.

I think if you're ready, marriage can be a really cool and wonderful thing. I've seen couples stay together for many many years. And I hope I get to experience that for myself.

It depends on how much people are willing to work for the relationship. Couple's fight. Usually over dumb things. It's getting past wanting to be right, and instead wanting to fix it. I dunno. It's hard to make a general statement about all couples. But that's how it's worked for my relationship. Both of us focus on being right, and it doesn't get fixed. But when we realize that we need to put pride aside and save the relationship... it gets better pretty quickly. We don't actually like fighting.

So... that's me.

[Angantyr]

I do not know if this is a good thing or not but notice that since people have been getting married later in life and live together before they get married, that their marriages are not working that well anymore?

Anyway its the stupid people who get married and have kids and the intelligent people who wait it out and sometime do not do anything at all.

Marriage is no longer something special, if I get married I want it to be cause of a special bond with somebody who I would share my life with till I die. I would wait a good 4 year relationship before I would think about it seriously however I would not get engaged for several years like my Uncle did. I am only 20 now and I have yet to get my life to where I want it to be so I do not even know whether I would want to till I am at least 28ish.

Also I do not like how marriages are as well and feel the people who do rush into it are quite ignorant.

[Georg Prime]

Originally Posted by Chez Daja

B]In my personal opinion, though...[/b]

I don't feel there's any need to get married at all. You can get into a relationship and still be comitted, still be serious with each other.

I don't need a slip of paper to tell me I'm in love with somebody.

In short, this what I agree with. That's why I personally don't like marriage, I don't need a title to have a lifetime mate, I feel like it's just a bunch of legal bullshit binding two people together.

I'm really similar to Tiffany in my thoughts on marriage.

I'm okay being in a relationship for a long time. The longer we're together, the better prepared we are to spend the rest of our lives together. I think there's merit in living together first. Whether or not you leave sex until after marriage is one thing. But I think if you room together and have to deal with each other day to day, you get a good idea if it'll work. It's easy to swoon over each other when you're both prepared to go on a date. Or when you get it together at your own homes and then see each other. But the day to day you.... the one that clips your toenails, blows your nose, and needs a shower... that's where love comes in. I think people need to be able to deal with and love their partner's odd quirks that you only really discover while living together and being together for a long time.

But I think that as soon as you get engaged, you should begin planning the wedding. You have to keep that momentum going, or it'll never happen. Or it won't be quite as exciting when it does. Or someone will overthink it, and it'll fall apart.

I think if you're ready, marriage can be a really cool and wonderful thing. I've seen couples stay together for many many years. And I hope I get to experience that for myself.

It depends on how much people are willing to work for the relationship. Couple's fight. Usually over dumb things. It's getting past wanting to be right, and instead wanting to fix it. I dunno. It's hard to make a general statement about all couples. But that's how it's worked for my relationship. Both of us focus on being right, and it doesn't get fixed. But when we realize that we need to put pride aside and save the relationship... it gets better pretty quickly. We don't actually like fighting.

So... that's me.

I agree here there is much merit of living together first. Honestly though, fights happen in relationships, and they should too. Do you know relationships without fights are: BORING. I had about an eight month relationship in highschool, a basically perfect relation, we spent A LOT of time with each other, too much probably. In our entire relationship, we never once had a fight, and it was strange, like it was too perfect or something. At one time she told me that I was the kind of person she'd want to marry and that I was perfect. Being about 17, that freaked me out completely, it's then how I realized how unhealthy our relationship was, I barely saw my friends, I spent too much time with her, and when I wasn't with her we were talking on the phone or online and i was still SO young. When you're young you should be getting out and seeing as many people as you can, you shouldn't get ready to settle down the first time you find a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. After we broke up, despite what happened (her cheating on me), i was very happy to be single, to return to a normal life and have more time to do things that I wanted to do and see my friends more.

Fights and occasional arguments can strengthen relationships though obviously you know something is wrong when you are constantly fighting though. It's crazy, one of my friends is constantly fighting with her boyfriend, they have been on and off dating for probably 4 years and are always fighting, but are getting engaged soon.

Another friend of mine, has had ONE girlfriend his entire life. I don't want to make him sound bad, but he's not the best boyfriend material, and not exactly the kind of guy girls would ever go for. He's a great guy though, and a lot of fun and his girlfriend has seen that. The thing is though, his girfriend is AWFUL, she is controlling, jealous, mean, basically the biggest bitch I have ever known. She basically chose what college he want to, even though his family are big MSU fans (his dad attended), and he had been planning on going there his entire life. His family hates her, his friends including myself, don't like her either. The thing is, he has never had a girlfriend and is *Crack* whipped beyond belief and probably feels he can't do any better (seeing as he has never had a girlfriend). It's sad, but true but they are probably be going to get married and I've felt like I've lost one of my best friends to this devil woman.

But anyhoo, yeah people definitely rush into things Winter, and I don't like that. In short, I don't think marriages are for me.

[OceanEyes28]

Well oh lordy, I never said we don't fight.

Some of our fights are epic. But in the end, we always get past the arguments, and stand up for the relationship. I think that's what's important.

And I dunno. I didn't really have boyfriends in highschool. I dated, but I was pretty happy being single. However, I've never really been the play the field type either. I like the single life, but I've never been very flirtatious. So even if I would have more freedom, I don't think I would exploit it.

I didn't plan on falling for Daniel, but it happened. And I'm never bored with him. We're best friends and very compatible lovers. As of now, I haven't met anyone I would rather date. So, I figure we'll just take it a day at a time. We're not planning to get married and have kids, but if it were to happen, we agree that it would be okay. That is, if we stayed as happy then as we are now. We also agree that all of that is a long way away. We're both still pretty young.