Is there such a thing as being too nice?

Chez Daja · 01-31-2007, 01:57 PM

I'm getting a job lately, and starting a life savings thing. In it will go a set amount of money each pay-day and NONE will be taken out until I am making a life changing decision.

Now, the thing is, the job I'm getting pays fairly well, and I'll be working long hours and the like. Anyway, I know a friend who has a little bit of debt, which, where he lives is pretty expensive, but not as expensive where I live.

I was thinking about giving him a small amount of money to add to getting him out of debt, but is this being too nice? It's a fairly stupid question, but he's my friend, and since his debt isn't really much over here, it'd be easy for me to give him a few bucks every once in a while until it was paid off (which is when I'd stop helping out.)

I have a boyfriend, who I doubt would mind if I helped my friend out since I'd only be giving small amounts anyway... And I'd be likely to help anyone else out anyway... but am I being too nice?

Should I really be helping my friends out of debt?

Helter Skelter · 01-31-2007, 02:13 PM

If he'll agree with it, then I think it's fine. It sounds damn sappy and stupid, but people should help one another out whenever they can. There's nowhere near enough helping. But yeah, I think there is such a thing as being too nice, but I think it's fine in this case.

If your friend will accept a bit of help, then by all means help him out. If he gets upset by the offer, or if he retorts with "I'm not a charity case" or something, then you should back up and let him have his financial independence, regardless of his debt.

Storm · 01-31-2007, 02:24 PM

Helping friends out is an important thing, as long as they are loyal and are willing to help you out in return, whether it be paying you back when they have excess money or what. Its something which should only be done with the most loyal friends, those who won't take advatage of the fact that you have money to give them. If they are loyal, then helping them out is a great thing to do.

One time I went to a university open day with two of my friends, one of whom couldn't buy herself a train ticket since her card wasn't accepted. I couldn't go without her, as she would of had no way to go back, and shes my friend so I lent her the £30 for the train ticket on the basis she'd pay me back when she got to a cash point. Later on in the day, she borrowed £10 off another friend, who she paid back before we got on the train, which I understand since he lives there. However, when I asked for the money, she said she needed money for her driving lesson and dance. The day before, she borrowed £10 off me. Overall, I was owed £40 (doesn't sound like a lot, but when you are a student its precious), and a year later she still hasn't paid me back. I've lost interst in it now, but I won't lend her money again!

As for being too nice, I don't think you are being too nice, since his debt isn't too much and you can deal with that. If the loss was too deep, you would feel it. Being a good friend and helping eachother out is a great thing, as long as the weight is balanced on both sides.

Sinister · 01-31-2007, 02:24 PM

This decision you are making is not anything that any member here is qualified to tell you is right or wrong. If you can spare the sum without any damage to yourself or any foreseeable consequences then what exactly does 'too nice' mean. If you can help the man and he accepts it...and you want him to gain some greater measure of luck or success then I think it would admirable(atleast from my point of view) to help him.

Helping others, especially friends, should not be looked on in terms of 'too nice.' The mentality to help others is already far too rare.

Kinney · 01-31-2007, 04:51 PM

No offense but this is a very stupid question, being your friend of family you should help out.
I've done the same thing with my friends and family, and they re-pay me with a very big smile, I've never asked for my money back but they sometimes re-pay me with something else.
Right now I'm saving all my entire money to buy my cousin a ticket for New York, he doesn't have that much money but I didn't had to think it twice and I never asked for his permission, few days ago I told him about my plan and believe me that his reaction and smile was worth more than all the money I could've wished for. Right now I'm still saving I have 300 dollars saved and in a few weeks I'll have enough to do that, considering I already made the calculation.
With my friends I've done the same thing, I helped a friend by giving her some of my savings, in total I gave her about 100 dollars, of course I never asked for my money back, she was my friend and I wanted to help, I remember doing the same with my best friend Steve but he always helped me too.
I think it is very fair for both you and your friend to help one another I don't know why you asking such questions.

Georg Prime · 01-31-2007, 04:55 PM

I think there is DEFINITELY such a thing as "too nice". My psychologist has told me that he thinks I'm too nice. It's important to be nice, but if you are too nice, too giving, people WILL take advantage of that and often times walk all over you because of it. Years ago, I bailed my "friend" out of jail for 500 dollars and to this day I've only seen 200 of it back in my hands. For all I know, he will never pay me back. Of course, if it's somebody who have trust with, then why not help out your friend? But I think there's a line, you don't want people trying to mooch money off you all the time or something.

Definitely your decision to figure it out, if it's somebody who you know is loyal and will pay you back or not though.

Pablo Honey · 01-31-2007, 04:55 PM

There's nothing wrong with helping a good friend out of debt. Nothing at all.

If someone's asking for a lot of money, or small amounts all the time, and without reason, then the thought to refuse could rightly cross your mind.

Your friend isn't walking all over you, isn't demanding, accosting; you're not being a doormat. 'Being too nice' is, in effect, the act of becoming someone's carpet. But you're not; if you can afford it and are willing, by all means, give your friend a hand. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Georg Prime · 01-31-2007, 05:00 PM

Yeah I don't think there is anything wrong with helping a friend, but there is definitely such a thing as being too nice, as the question asked. I don't think personally you are being too nice though, only paying him in small amounts.

I don't lend money to anyone these days though. My friends are horrible at paying me back and are shisty bastards. IF they ask me for something I tell them to go **** themselves.

Chez Daja · 01-31-2007, 05:12 PM

Govinda, yeah, I agree... And he hasn't even asked me for cash, just mentioned his debts a few times.

Well, if I get this job, I may give him a hand. I don't need anything back, so long as he stays my good friend. I think he'd do the same for me, too.

I'm undecided, but I'll give it more thought.

DragonHeart · 01-31-2007, 08:38 PM

If he is truly a friend you trust and you are willing to help him out of a tight spot, by all means. Of course, since you are offering and he is not asking, I would not consider it obligatory for him to pay you back, so also take that into consideration.

I'm not trying to make him (or me, for that matter) sound greedy or something; it's just the way I think. I've lent friends money here and there of my own will and never asked for payment in return because that is just how I am. If they return the money, that's fine, but I don't worry too much if they don't. There are limits to what I am willing to give purely out of friendship, but no one has yet to cross that line.

Of course, many people would consider me to be too nice, so make of it what you will. I have on more than one occassion allowed my best friend to borrow my car to drive to another store and get whatever he needed to get his car running. He's the only person I would ever allow to do that, though.

~DragonHeart~

nix · 02-01-2007, 09:11 AM

I could help you with a satifactory decision if i were to know exactly what kind of debt your friend is in, as in is it a bank loan? credit card bill? gambler?

Olwen · 02-01-2007, 10:03 AM

I don't think it would be a problem in any way. As long as he stays loyal to you, and a good friend who you can trust then go ahead. It's great to help friends out every now and then 'cause that's what friends do. If you do help him out, then I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

A few days ago I was out with my friends Hanna and Charlotte, and we were on our way to Cardiff, and I didn't have any change to catch the train, so Hanna lent me some change. It was basically paying me back 'cause a few weeks ago I had lent her money. It just comes natural. It's what friends do.

As for the thing about being too nice, I don't know. I guess it all just depends on the gester. In the case of you lending your friend some money because he has a problem with his debt, I don't think it's being over nice. But if you tend to do it a lot, and not have them do a lot for you back, then yes it would be too nice.

--FFX--