Apparently, women have no souls! God said so!

[LocoColt04]

This is too serious for the humor forum, but too controversial for the ID forum.

And it gives me one more reason to loathe the Baptist extremists.

Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Fred Neiman, announced findings related to his research into the female soul early this week. "The absence of either salvation or condemnation for women finds extensive support in the Word of God." He reported. "Jesus said that the sole reason God created women in the first place was to provide company and service to men (1 Corinthians 11:9), God determined that men would be lonely living alone, so he created women purely to keep men company and serve their needs (Genesis 2:18-22). Women are therefore completely subordinate to men (1 Corinthians 11:3). It stands to reason, though, that once men enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be one with God, and will no longer be lonely and in need of mortal companionship. Thus, the reason behind having women will no longer exist. Women, like the members of the animal kingdom, will fall by the wayside."

Dr. Neiman went on to say that, "once men reunite with their maker, they will no longer be burdened with the care of women. After all, women were inferior creations from the start. Women are fond of self-indulgence (Isaiah 32:9-11). They are silly and easily led into error (2 Timothy 3:6). They are subtle and deceitful (Proverbs 7:10; Ecclesiastes 7:26). They are zealous in promoting superstition and idolatry (Jeremiah 7:18; Ezekiel 13:17, 23). And they are active in instigating to iniquity (Numbers 31:15-16; 1 Kings 21:25; Nehemiah 13:26). It was the inherent weakness of women that led them to be deceived by Satan (Genesis 3:1-6; 2 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Timothy 2:14). Consequently, women were cursed from the start (Genesis 3:16). There is simply no room in heaven for such flawed and inadequate beings."

Pastor Deacon Fred warned the congregation that there was no reason to be alarmed. "Dr. Neiman's conclusions still need to be formalized," he assured. "I am certain that our team of religious experts will find some way around these Scriptures." Some of the women present were visibly shaken by the report. A teary eyed Sister Taffy Crockett said through choked sobs, "I've heard of colored women not having souls... but me? NO! This is outrageous!"

Head Pastor, Rev. Ebeneezer Smith, had some comforting words for the ladies of Landover. "I personally want to assure all female members of this church that until we examine Dr. Neiman's research to our complete satisfaction, consider yourselves saved."

Source: Landover Baptist Church


If that's not the most bigoted thing you've ever heard in your entire life, please, enlighten me to something worse. That's complete and utter bullshit right there. Now, I'm not stupid. I know not all Baptists are like that. It'd be insane even to consider such a thought. Nonetheless, that's pure absurdity.

And I'd like to place emphasis on this statement, which is possibly the most bigoted thing in the ENTIRE article: A teary eyed Sister Taffy Crockett said through choked sobs, "I've heard of colored women not having souls... but me? NO! This is outrageous!" Yeah, right. Bitch.

[Tifa]

"I've heard of colored women not having souls... but me? NO! This is outrageous!"

Hahha .. wow that's just ****ing sad. Honestly though, the Bible and Scriptures and whatever the crap can be manipulated in so many ways. In one view, it condones anal sex. In another, it condones rape. (Something about the rape a woman then she has to marry you or some other crap.) Blah blah blah. I don't bother reading too much into it honestly. But a lot of it was really slanted to slander women, especially considering the gender roles at the time. A lot of what religion was used for was to keep a woman at home, away from other roles that were considered masculine. Bunch of crap with the witch trials ... watched something a while ago that explained a little about it. Notice how most of the "witches" were women?

Half of the things that are said in the second paragraph can be applied to men as well. Self indulgence? Lots of men eat a lot, cater to themselves a lot, build their muscles just for a better look. Easily led into error ... don't really need to say much on that. Subtle and deceitful ... lots of guys cheat. Zealous in promoting superstition and idolatry ... dont even get me started. (PS: this is not meant to be feminist but to note how the arguement could be used for both anti women and anti men)

I would go on but I honestly don't really have much to say since I dont bother studying this kind of stuff. No interest. .... and the fact that its 3AM and I've had avg 3 hours of sleep this entire week. >_> ...

edit - make that the last 3 weeks, in terms of weekdays.

[Yuki-onna]

I have no words for how old fashioned and absurd that is. Except that God can suck my white ass. Honestly, this is SO second century!

I guess it would be handy to lack in a soul; I can pull everything I want and don't have to burn in hell!

O_O A whole new world just opened up for me today...

[Neo Necron]

Please nobody hold this against God or the church or the baptist faith. This is one man's interpretation of what the bible is trying to say, and I do not believe his interpretation at all. I agree that it is absurd.

Even though the old testament does seem to place men higher than women, there is still nothing at all in the bible to say at all that Women have no souls and will not make the afterlife.

[LocoColt04]

Actually, I did some more research into the church itself. It's a cult of KKK activists who completely obliterate the name of Baptists everywhere. The worst part is that they take themselves very seriously and do not believe they're in the wrong. They also won't admit that they're KKK activists.

That would explain the racism and sexism prevalent throughout their website.

[Jin]

I always laugh when Protestants claim Catholics to be more dogmatic. It also makes me laugh that there are so many denominations of christianity, and yet none of them agree on interpretations of the bible. And now, I laugh that even in each respected denomination, people don't agree on thier interpretations of the bible.

I don't really see how you can interpret the passages in that article any other way. Even the new testament shows, God favours men. How figurativley must this god talk?

But....I....what....*head explodes*

I would like to tender my resignation from the human race, if that's OK.

[Strong Bad]

I think the best thing to do now is turn to Family Guy.

Brian: "Chris, Stop that!"
Chris: "You can't tell me what to do! You're a dog! You have no SOUL!!"
Brian: "Ouch..."

If women have no souls, does that mean the Virgin Mary didn't go to heaven?

Seems to me God and Jesus wouldn't like that very much.

[LocoColt04]

Oh, but Shannen, according to this doctor whatshisface guy, women are nothing more than tools for reproduction! As such, why should God and Jesus give a shit what happens to Mary if she was only a tool? She can burn in hell with all the other women and non-white people!


(For the record, I'm not actually on this guy's side. Just sharing his infinite stupidity.)

[Bunny]

I think this guy is a genius. For years I have suspected such a thing, and now he has proven it! HA! THANK YOU BAPIST MAN GUY.

And in other news, wtf happened to those good days? Women being completely subordinate to us. I liked those days. If history is doomed to repeat itself, it needs to hurry the **** up.

Also, I really love how Timothy says women are silly. ^_^

[OnOneRyder]

That is just another bible thumping extremist who couldn't interpret the bible if it was a picture book.

I'm pretty sure men are the inferior beings. Hell, our manhood's just hanging out there always at risk of being chopped off; clearly that’s a message to us. If women are here to "serve us", why would they also bear our children? Clearly it's not just a matter of them making things convenient, it's a matter of necessity. And I don't believe in heaven or hell, but if there are no women in heaven, count me out.

[LocoColt04]

Originally Posted by OnOneRyder

That is just another bible thumping extremist who couldn't interpret the bible if it was a picture book.

HAHAHAHA, I love that.

Originally Posted by OnOneRyder

but if there are no women in heaven, count me out.

I had the exact same thought this morning when I came across that article. I said to myself "hmm, well, I guess I'm going to hell then." I mean, seriously... what kind of heaven is an ancient sausagefest? That doesn't sound like heaven to me.