Evil, Inc.

[Baneheart]

Alright, now for my first official post that does not just flex my awesomeness so well.

Listen up you purse-grabbing pukes, I have now been given approval of a recently created Evil, Inc. application that ALL new members will need to complete before being reviewed and accepted. This does not include Chez or Sinister as we know them well enough that they're obvious great members for our club. However, lottiepop, Halie, Entity, and Spiral; all four of you must take this application in order to become actual members. Hellfire was a bit hasty in the easy acceptance of most of you and well, we at Evil, Inc. have taken it upon ourselves to change that.

Indeed, Evil, Inc. is a dark corporation for those who live and breathe such chaos. This means for those who'd paint a cheap mustache on their face with a black wash-off color marker and call themselves a villain aren't the kind of potential we want in our lovely business. Yes, there is some fun and satirical jokes being thrown this way and that, but we're not the light-beer type of evil, we're the 120% pure alcohol kind and while there are a few laughs, we wouldn't want anymore than to make people suffer. And I don't mean poking stupid little hamsters with forks, screwing with your family, or chucking friends into a lift. Stuff like that is high school shits and giggles with britney spears blasting in the background. Any emo retarded teenybopper can do something like that and call it 'evwill, lol'.

Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't some stereotypical 'i'm brutalz, lol' rad tad little gang where everyone drinks beer, talks about ****ing whores, screams HAIL a lot, listens only to brutalz music, and tries to single people out. This is not the BOD and there are many people who would do well here (sort of). Simply put, we're beyond such things, but at the same time in the most simple of terms, we don't just let anyone in.

So, Taco here will be editing (copying and pasting) the application within the Requirements on the first page. There you will be given instructions on completing the application, how much time you'll have to complete it, and other various things you might be wondering about.

Insincerely yours,
Valkyarc

[Sinister]

I realize by merit of my tenure and reputation, I am precluded from this exam. However nourishing such a compliment is to my ego, my own vanity demands that my standards be judged and approved. And vanity was always my favorite sin.

You may expect my answer to the application shortly.

Faithfully,
-Sin

[Baneheart]

Oh, then I forgot to add that while those four must take this application test and you two don't need to, you can take it if you wish. No harm in that. Give us something to read in the bathroom, oh mighty one. : P

EDIT: So I won't have to double post...NEW EVIL, INC. BANNERS! Just made them. I can make more if you guys want.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...vilinccopy.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...ncVigocopy.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...vilinccopy.png

[Sinister]

I decide to opt for a more public approach rather than PM. Hope you will forgive me, but my Vanity also demands that if I have cleverness to show, it must be shown...rather than PMed...


Question 1: Personality: In this scenario, you are a successful villain. You have plenty of henchmen, a country that loves you, money, and enough power that the rest of the world ignores you in fear of retaliation. How did you obtain this position and why?

Through Religion. Adopting a Missionaria Protectiva approach and assuming the resemblance of a local prophet. Zie Große Lüge...The Big Lie. Pioneered and nearly perfected by Hitler, himself. Accounting for the credulity quotient from a native population tends towards culture and anthropology...but many cultures will more readily embrace a big lie close to home. Thinking that no one would have the impudence or temerity to distort truth in such an obvious way.

Question 2: Creativity and Efficiency: You’re short on cash, so you do the next most obvious thing; rob a bank. The bank itself is one of the largest chains and has stored 10 million in normal cash, 30 in marked ‘smart’ bills, and 15 mil in electronic credit stored in large hard-drives with the deadliest firewall. The bank itself sits next to the most public tourist attraction in the city and inside has 50 guards, 30 of them paid and 20 experienced security officers with military background. The vault itself has 20 cameras and security systems you’d see in Mission Impossible. You yourself only have five henchmen and the basic tools needed to rob any bank. Tell us how you could rob this bank in the most quick and creative way you can within a believable scenario.

Simple...do not rob it... Instead attempt to. Since it's the largest, it obviously has the majority of it's tender for the chain. Give each henchman the tools. C4...guns...masks. Stage a show. Two teams of two people. Both in different uniforms to give the appearance that the bank is being robbed by two different groups. One will, having acquired a job at the tourist attraction next door will prepare an entrance zone to breach the bank walls nearest the vault. The approaching four henchmen will simultaneously set off all the car alarms parked outside in unison with the other henchmen breaching the wall. The blast, all the alarms going off will be taken for an earthquake and will be shut down. Power will be cut via the breaker box and the man inside will wire the vault and cage in the confusion to blow. The henchmen are in the hazard and must of course all be sacrificed. They will break into the bank and will stage a quarrel. A real murder will be staged. One of the men will turn on and fire onto one of the members of the other team. The man will think he is using fake bullets to stage a fake death as a distraction. He would be wrong. The blow will be fatal. Both teams will turn on themselves in a hail of bullets.

An EMP device costs about 400$ to construct from let's say a copper pipe, chemical explosives and a capacitor. Set off, their precious electronic monies will be obliterated...not stolen. After that, the henchmen detonates the vault he wired. The blast used to destroy the vault will be ten times what the henchman believes. It will not only destroy the vault all of the money, but him as well.

At this stage you've wasted lives and innumerable stores of cash far beyond any single insurance company's ability to restore. A proper assessment of the damage will be required to remunerate the bank. I will have all the fake documents of an adjuster. To assess the electronic data, I will have to check their electronic accounts. At which point I will have robbed it.


Question 3: Ethics: You’ve done it. You have finally snapped and are looking for some sense in closure by getting on top of a tall building and taking out people below with a sniper rifle. (Think New York city as you are looking down onto a typical shopping corner.)

As you sit there searching for the ‘right’ person, 5 people catch your eye. There’s an old lady with her huge oxygen tank while sitting on a bench in front of a diner and she’s whacking some youth on the head with her purse. Across the street is some Jewish rich boy in a designer’s hoodie listening to his iPod and is about to enter a liquor store. Behind the old lady is a white trash mom talking to some guy about weed while she ignores her twin baby girls sitting in a baby cart. In the traffic near the farthest light, you can see a balding fat black man smoking a cigarette as he curses at the skinny trucker carrying dangerous chemicals. Lastly, next to the liquor store is a the beauty salon where a gay man stands on his smoke break


The implications you are making between liquor...chemicals and cigarettes are puerile. I would shoot the two babies and the Jew's iPod. Because I'm a nut.


Question 4: Abilities: If you had to choose a set of abilities (only two) you would use to take over the world, what would they be, how did you obtain them, how do you use them, and why?

The ability to read electronic data by looking at a computer from the outside. The ability to influence people. Their applications for world take-over are self-evident.

Question 5: Armageddon: It’s the end of the world and all that most villains would love to gain is being destroyed by other villains who only want death. As a villain yourself that ironically treasures life as to death: what would be your final accomplishments, how would you die, and in a sort of Deus Ex Machina scenario, would you become a hero or commit a minor heroic act in order to save the world? And why?

I would. The world must not be destroyed. Mankind must be destroyed. The two things are not so inseparable that you must take them both. I would commit a small heroic act to save the world. The world is a paradise. Mankind is the fire brought to paradise.


-Sin

[Telegraph]

Fungah! I was about to post this message, when the Administrators moved to foil my plans and perform a system update! Little did they realize that I would be back later to spread my mayhem, all the same... heh heh heh...

What's going on, guys? I haven't heard back from anyone yet, and Meier Link and Valkyarc have not informed me if they have, either. You all have until Tuesday to fill out the Application (unless by circumstance you were unable to read the Application when I posted it last Monday night; i I see that you posted on TFF around Monday night or Tuesday morning last week, no dice, and perhaps even immediate obliteration.) If we don't start seeing applications come in, we will have to start letting people go... off the rooftop of our headquarters! (You can assume that is not a short fall.) Bwa ha ha ha!!!

Sinister, I read your response, and never commented on it. Liked it, though. Particularly the answers that were a bit cheeky... You do us all proud (and I have my eye on you...)

Alright. Now, I feel it's time to celebrate another classic villain from the Halls of Infamy (or Doom... or Pie. Take your pick.) Today, it's... The Queen, from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

I think everyone knows who the Queen is: the stepmother of the movie's heroine, Snow White, she was obsessed with being the most beautiful woman in all the lands. And, as long as her magic mirror told her she was the fairest of them all, she was satisfied. However, once her stepdaughter reached maturity, the mirror claimed that Snow White was the fairest, thus instigating the Queen to have her offed.

What impressed me about this woman is the lengths she would go to achieve this, even sacrificing her own beauty, if only for a time, in her transformation into the old hag. What further impresses me is her ability to creep me out, even to this day: I watched the movie again last week, and when the old hag came on and was glaring around everywhere, I was like "Noooooooo, don't look at me!" Her sense of humor seemed awesome, too-if only glimpsed for a moment-in a scene where she walks by a skeleton reaching desperately through his dungeon bars for a jug of water that is just out of arm's reach. "Thirsty?!" the Queen questions, and then kicks the jug into the skeleton with a loud cackle.

Furthermore, the Queen is the first of a long line of classic villains, being the villainess in the very first feature length animated film. And it can also be noted that she got no love on the Nostalgia Critic’s Top 11 Disney Villains, a gross oversight in my estimation.

So, on behalf of Evil, Inc., I salute you... The Queen. (Feel free to bring up any villains you think should be recognized, as well, fellow brethren.) Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Meier Link]

What's going on, guys? I haven't heard back from anyone yet, and Meier Link and Valkyarc have not informed me if they have, either. You all have until Tuesday to fill out the Application (unless by circumstance you were unable to read the Application when I posted it last Monday night; i I see that you posted on TFF around Monday night or Tuesday morning last week, no dice, and perhaps even immediate obliteration.) If we don't start seeing applications come in, we will have to start letting people go... off the rooftop of our headquarters! (You can assume that is not a short fall.) Bwa ha ha ha!!!

I have received nothing outside of what Sin has posted here. Apparently they don't realise this could seal their fate with the club???!?!!?!

Any ways I have been thinking to myself, we have talked about some great Villains in our few weeks of life. But what about the bad Villains, we have neglected them thus far.

So I am curious to see who you guys think are the top 5 worst movie Villains of all times, I am limiting this for now so that in future use we can discuss other topics.

As for me I will respond when my hands are not so tied.

[Telegraph]

...and you've all been thrown off the Evil, Inc. rooftop. I have received word from no one since Valkyarc read to you our terms. Not even so much as a request for an extension (which I may have been willing to give. I'm not completely heartless, after all. That's not my job.) Send a PM our way and we may reconsider, and reanimate your bodies via one of our unspeakable, "playing God" machines in the basement. This may seem sudden. This may seem unfair. This may seem rotten... but remember who you're dealing with here, kiddies!

I have briefly thought about your "5 Worst Villains of All Time" question, Meier Link. I need a little more time to decide, however. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Andromeda]

Alright, as per the agreement I'm closing down the club during this period of review. It has been a month since the creation and now I will be reviewing all of the posts again. I will make my final decision on whether the club will remain open or be closed.

I will have an answer for you before the end of Saturday.

[Andromeda]

I've read all of the posts a second time. And I have come to my final decision, which actually changed from the start to the end. I was seriously considering letting keep the club seeing that some of the conflicting members were removed by the note on the post. So I let some things slide as I read. However, my decision reversed and made all too easy by the posts from Valkyarc. It was made to clear to me that he does not understand the purpose that Telegraph had in mind when he created the club. And the application questions that were adopted made it clear that the idea has been lost. This club will remained closed for losing sight of its original purpose and breaking the terms of the agreement.

This is my final word. As I said you will not get anymore chances. This was last one. No amount of PMs or negative reps will change my mind.

Telegraph, you had a good start with some bumps, but everyone's posts were weighed in this decision as I said. You did well to try to keep the comedic tone that you wanted and intelligent discussion.