Trusting and alcohol.

[MasterSquall]

sorry for OT....but if someone dont like me because i dont know good english its a shot to my heart...... try to learn my language,........potom uvidíš aké je to,a pre zmenu ťa vysmejem ja grrrr
Warren Space thanks for guarding me.... lol

[OceanEyes28]

...God.

I'd like to ask everyone to keep to the discussion and take it easy on insulting each other.

Mariko, your post was iffy. This is a sensitive subject to some people, and I'm not sure condemning a whole group of people is wise. Perhaps you were joking, but in that case, it was hard to tell.

Warren, you will receive a warning for the disrespect and flamebaiting I have seen from you in this thread. Don't completely disregard opinions and insult people. You are allowed to have your opinion, but you may not try to prove your opinion by simply calling the other opinion "a waste of words." Any further questions about the warning will be sent to me in a PM. Also, I am going to ask that no one else respond to the places in his post that received the warning. Do not flame him back. If you have matters to discuss with him, take it outside this thread.

MasterSquall, he was not guarding you, he was insulting you. There was never an insult in your direction, Warren just threw your name in for a joke. I apologize for that.

[Chez Daja]

Originally Posted by Tiffany

That last part made me laugh. You're bitching at someone else for generalizing, when you generalized Chez's feelings about her situation? Whatever. I don't know if you think you're being witty or funny, but I assure you you're being neither. In fact, you just sound incredibly silly and stupid.

Chez - have you thought about going into Ala-Teen or it's equivalent? It's a group for people who have grown up with alcoholics. Kind of like a support group and whatnot. I think they'd be better equipped to help you talk about your feelings rather than to open yourself up to the idiots of the internet. As I'm sure you've already witnessed. *cough*

I agree though, it could be time to get out from their house. His distructive behaviour isn't helping you, but until he wants to help himself, he's not going to change. Only he can make that decision too. So I don't know. I know it's hard to get out on your own and whatever, but I think it'd be better for your state of mind. But if it were me (which is an unfair statement, because I have not delt with alcoholics) I wouldn't put my trust in him until he actually shows you that he's stopped, or is changing. Actions speak louder than words, right?

As for the effects of alcoholism, I had an highschool english teacher who taught at a place where the students would come in and their mouths would be black from eating shoe polish. (Has alcohol in it) and where bottles of mouthwash had to be limited to 1 bottle per week per household because of people drinking it. Goes to show how far some people will go to feed their addiction.

I agree fully that it is a disease.

Ah, thank you for this! And no, I've not been to a support group... I've got a load of his violent verbal abuse on tape, though. It sounds awful, but I can use this to my advantage, should things get out of hand again.

However, yes, I think it really is time for me to leave this place. I'm seriously too old to be living here, I guess. I just worry about my brother, I suppose. Thank you for that post, I appreciate it a lot.

[Pete]

Chez, I can kind of relate to how you feel, but not 100%. My dad's not an alcoholic, but sometimes he'll hit the booze and become a complete ****. It's not that often, but before it could be a real pain.

I think that if he wants to be serious about quitting, have a family sit down and talk to him about AA meetings. It's incredibly hard to quit the sauce for some people, and if he wants to be serious about quitting, then you have to let him know that you're there for him, hell a crutch if need be, if it means that it'll help him get better. I may not know a lot about the AA process and recovery, but I know that people are always stronger when they're with people that care about them. It may also help to take him out of situations where he may drink; sounds hard, but if people in your house are having a drink, save it for when he leaves or something... I dunno. Hell, try some family days, where you try and bond over a day at a park or something. If he means something to you, why not try and help me, cause it looks like hes trying to do it, but can't go alone.

[iceshiva]

I know the feeling of having a drunk for a father. My father started drinking when I was 6 when my mother left. He was alright at first but then it started getting bad when I was in 9th grad eh got a DUI for slamming into a parked car. The next morning he said he wouldnt drink anymore but yet he still is. I found out from my mother not even a month ago my father has gotten 2 DUI's and went to meetings and everything. And I still don't trust my father.

[User Name]

Alcoholism is a disease. Doctors have found a gene that is passed on by generations which they dubbed the "Addictive Gene". It's what we use to identify that which we like, and if we like it we'll continue to use it. What drugs and alcohol does is mutate this gene to where the next generation is more suspectible to drugs and alcohol.

My grandmotheer was an alcoholic and so are both of my uncles. My dad refuses to touch any of it let alone food that my mother makes when she cooks with wine (to be fair she didn't cook out all the alcohol the first time).

I'm freakin' part Irish, German, and Native American. Ther eis no way in hell that I can have a healthy relationship with alcohol unless I have one beer everyother month or I might get addictied.

[finalheaven]

hey chez just wanna say i totally sympathize with ya, my mums been an alco for years and im really sorry you have to go through something like that too. it's hard for people who dont know about alchoholism to understand, as sadly alchohol is seen as socially acceptable in our society. that makes it so much more frustrating. i'm lucky as i have no contact with the creature that calls itself my mother, it must be way harder 4 you as you seem to love your father. hang in there dude.

[Neo Necron]

Originally Posted by User Name

Alcoholism is a disease. Doctors have found a gene that is passed on by generations which they dubbed the "Addictive Gene".

Yeah, it's the reason I try to be very careful around Alchohol. My Grandad was alchoholic, and I do not wanna turn out the same. I may be being over-cautious, but somehow I can see me easily becoming addicted to alchohol if I start to drink more than I do already.

I really don't like the idea that substances such as alchohol, drugs etc can change our states of mind. I really don't. It's why I avoid getting drunk like the plague. I don't like the idea that my mind is being changed, almost as though I'm less and less myself the more I drink.

[Moondancer]

Chez, dear, I am turely sorry to hear about your father's drinking problem. I would suggest that if he is serious about quitting, make him get rid of every last bit of alchohol in the house, so there is no temptation when he is home and get him signed up to a treatment plan, such as AA. Even though I don't care for the fact that they are religious-based, they have helped many of my friends. And remember, a recovering alchoholic is just that, a recovering alchoholic for life. So you and your mother would have to work extra hard to make sure that he is not around the temptation. Just like with any addict. If he's not serious you will be able to tell because he will start to slip on his meetings after a short while and start to drink again. If that happens, then you may have no choice but to kick him to the curb.

Not all alchoholics get angry and voilent when drunk. That is true. But driving drunk can be just as dangerous, if not more. And achoholics have a real problem and a real disease, just like any other drug addict.

Chez I will send energies to help your family if you feel you need it. May the spirits bless and help your family in this troubled time.

Originally Posted by Chez Daja

Do you think all alcoholics lie like this? By promising they'll sober up and then not doing so?
I know everybody is different, but still... it seems all alcoholics are the same... =\

Honestly I can look at this two ways because I have seen both sides. One of my father's said he would quit over an over again. Left me when I was young too. After his 4th heart attack he finally quit for good. Has been sober for 10 years. Basically it wasn't his word that did any of it, nor is neglegance. It was him being selfish. An most drunks are selfish. They don't care what they do to other people. They lie just to get them off their back. My father is sober now, but he is still just as selfish as when he wasn't. So basically thinking that they won't lie to you is more of false thinking then them actually doing it. you can't trust people that are being led by something else.

My other falther was also abusive in anyway you can think of. He quit for 10 months becuase he though CPS would come after him. Then after he kjnew they weren't...he started to drink again. Lie? Yeah....they all pretty much lie as long as they are drunk as hell. It is easier under the influence because then you don't have to take responsibility for you actions.

[Leroy]

Well, my thoughts on this? I think everybody here, that have said Chez's dad is a bad man for doing what he did, should probably try what I'm about to recommend. You guys, should take up drinking for like 6 months. I mean, go all out. Until you're an alcaholic. Now for the fun part! Try quitting.

People who aren't recovering alcaholics, or somebody that's been through it completely, should be careful with what they say. Giving up drinking isn't as easy as we'd like it to be.

[Caije]

Originally Posted by Chez Daja

I know this subject is a little hard to generalize on, but I'm basing it off something that happened today.
See, I'm still living with my parents. Yeah, I shouldn't be scrounging off them anymore, but that's irrelevent to the subject I'm about to make.
Anyway, my dad was a recovering alcoholic. He didn't have a drink for about.... two/three months. Things were okay and this whole thing was working for us. We were all happy.
Anyway. He came home drunk today. REALLY badly drunk. I guess my years of suffering verbally and physically under his cruel drunk facade should've taught me never to have trusted him. But I guess I did. Had my trust broken, and I haven't been feeling great lately anyway, so this was a major add-on for pain and distrust.
Do you think all alcoholics lie like this? By promising they'll sober up and then not doing so?
I know everybody is different, but still... it seems all alcoholics are the same... =\

Im 18, I was a alcholic because well I was addicted to it, It made me angry and it Hurt the people I was closest to, ecspecially my girlfriend who said she would break up with me If I didnt, so I took a course in a Rehab center, and have been off Alcohol for 2 months.
I will not drink at parties now or at special occasions because I never want to be a letdown to my Friends or family but ecspecially to my girlfriend. I will not be addicted to alcohol as long as I have them,
So, I will try not to be the same Chez Deja, and then I would have proved your point.
But to answer your questions many Alcoholics cant be trusted,......

[Chez Daja]

Well, since this thread was made, he's hardly touched a drop again... perhaps it is as Jin said; a relapse... However, I won't COMPLETELY dismiss the fact it could happen again... Especially now we're having more problems at home. I'm going to try and do my best to help my pops while I'm still living here -- and even when I go... but I don't know how it feels, since I don't really enjoy the taste of alcohol, apart from a whisky here and there.
Thanks for your thoughts, guys!

[Youji Kun]

Awwwwww poor you! you had i ruff... some are the same. some are not.... my dad just gets drunk and passes out in his computer chair....