Isolation (For Contest)

[Blacksmith]

Warning: Contains language and blood.

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Isolation
By Griffith







Blood dripped from a man’s lips as he sat on his knees and was roughly clutching his stomach, a gaze and glare staring at the door in front of him as the sounds of voices dripped from every angle in a dark manner, his glare revealing the emotion of both confused and angered. His teeth grinded before more blood began to drip to the wooden floor under him, releasing his right arm to stagger slightly, but hold himself up. The voices would seep in and out of his ears, releasing past memories and the pain he held inside as a torment while he sat there trying to ignore all of it and give full attention to the mirror upon the door.

With as much gaze as this man gave the mirror did a glowing gaze stared back, an upside down face that was devoured in the pitch black of whatever hell it came from, these glowing red eyes filled with a joy of what was happening. A pool of blood sat like a lake under his body with a paranormal power to keep liquefied and slowly pulled its energy to make the man meet his gaze. The blood rose from the blood under his vision and engulfed his hands as the reflection of a woman’s face and a smile began to bring the hairs upon his back stand, but not in fear. He finally let go of his stomach with his left arm, pulling it out to touch this face as the blood on his hands gave a scent of perfume, his lip rising before he growled and pulled his fist back to punch the puddle of blood sitting under him. “You goddamn son of a bitch! Who are you?! What are you doing to me?” The man yelled out looking back up to the mirror with the glowing eyes.

The man sat both hands on the ground to pull himself up and just as his legs were bent crouching forward a strong grip of transparent hands grabbed hold and flung him to the ground on his back, putting him within a cross-like shape. The amount of strength he had left did not seem to come to him as he growled, yelled, and pulled upwards to get out of whatever spell he had been placed in, coughing from almost swallowing some of his own blood. “Stop hiding you bastard! You let me go and I’ll show you how to beat the hell out of someone! Let my body go!” He yelled out again, a slight deeply mannered laugh that did not seem to be quite strong volume echoed through the room.

Above the man was placed another mirror, those same eyes staring at him, yet the face upright and a smile could be seen. “What are you afraid of?! What?! What, dammit?!” More laughter came spreading throughout the room as this man seemed to continue struggling against the unseen force holding him down, ignoring any pain as he pushed forward.

Minutes later the voices inside his head and room all stopped the smile upon the figure becoming a look of fear and silence overcame the entire room. The man lifted his head up to look at the mirror on the door and the feeling of being chained disappearing from the weight on his body, he sitting up quickly to get on all fours and began crawling quickly towards the mirror on the door. A slight shrieking scream filled the room and the door swung open harshly, the mirror cracking as it hit the wall onto the floor where thousands of eyes were shown within each cracked piece, disappearing as the man finally looked towards the opening of freedom, breathing heavily.

He did not move though, staring out the door into the slow drifting snow hitting the ground and the beauty of evergreen trees covered in a white layer of brilliance. He stepped his hand forward as to almost giving into fear a large lack wolf jumped through the door entrance nearly toppling the man as the man had grabbed a hold of the wolf’s jaws. “Another demon thrown at me. Tell Satan I’ll be laughing in his face when I pull out his deceitful tongue!” The wolf did not seem to response, its golden eyes gleaming with the same feeling the man could feel through his entire body, he finally growling out in a yell before finally pulling the wolf onto its side and twisting its head as hard as he could until he heard a snap and the wolf stopped all motion immediately.

He rolled onto his back before getting up on all fours again, breathing much heavier and coughing harder before standing up to his full height and taking a deep and cold breath and inhaling the scent of the forest as the window began banging against the wall from the wind. His sanity though had long fled the depths of his thoughts as he turned to face the wolf with its head twisted around, looking at it for a deep amount of time, thinking about all that has happened. His lips finally parted with a long breath, his thoughts through his lips as he faced the animal. “You. . .you killed her, didn’t you?” He asked, walking towards the animal as his eyes had widened into a bit of insanity. “I can smell her scent on your breath, yes, you did it!” He then screamed, dropping to the floor on one knee as he struck the dead body with his fist again and again, his knuckles becoming blood. “What was my crime to deserve this?! Why?! Tell me!” He pulled back his fist to strike again before he could tell what happened and all breathing stopped from his lips.

The wolf’s head had lunged and sank its teeth into his neck at great surprise as its body was still lying lifeless upon the floor. The man’s own face had such great surprise he did not know whether to fear for his life or let death take him. The words ‘Gabriel’ gently whispered into his ear as his body began to shake. The wolf was gone. It’s body, gone. Not even the teeth marks upon his neck had seemed to appear as all sense left his mind and he turned his head towards the door, catching the sight of a face and long brown hair flowering behind it and walking past the door. He stood up and ran over to the door, looking outside left of the cabin as nothing appeared before him but the blizzard that had haunted the land before him.

He slowly walked out from the cabin and turned to lean against it, sitting his shoulder against the window as his reflection revealed his slightly long hair that was thin, blue eyes staring back at him, and a torn white shirt as well as torn black pants. He stared at himself, licking the bit of blood on his lip before pushing himself away from the window and beginning to walk along the road as the blizzard continued on. He finally turned his head when he heard the horn of a truck behind him and stopping next to him, a man with a winter hat with flaps and a flannel shirt. “Hey, Gabe, are you ok?” The man asked. A name slowly entered his mind. “No, Charlie.” He responded. Charlie then got out of the truck and came over to him, giving an astonished look at his clothing. “Holy dog shit! It looks like a wild cat attacked you! We better get you to the clinic fast!” He said, helping Gabriel get into the truck before walking back to the driver’s side and getting in, speeding off down the road.

It was a few minutes before Gabriel felt tired, his eyelids slowly falling as he laid his head against the cold car window, a hand on his shoulder shaking him. “Don’t go to sleep on me Gabe, stay awake until we get you into the clinic, ya hear?” Charlie ordered. The clinic was in sight not long after as Charlie parked into two spots and quickly got out, getting Gabriel out of his seat and helping him into the clinic as a nurse came running towards them. “What happened, Charlie?” She asked. “Looks like some big ass animal tried ripping Gabe apart, we need to fix him up fast.” Charlie helped Gabriel into the emergency room and finally walked out after they sat him on the table, a doctor walking passed him and closing the emergency room door.

Gabriel’s eyes stared at the ceiling as no pain seemed to find him, lost within this emotionless state yet he still slightly shook. They snipped off his clothes and found large claw marks upon his body, beginning to clean the wounds immediately before stitching them up one by one. It was an hour before they finished, Gabriel finally drifting into sleep as his head felt comforted and he was consumed by his dream.

Gabriel woke hours later to a soft light above him as he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes once more before gently sitting up. Much more pain seared through him at this moment and he lay back down. The nurse walked into the room and smiled as she noticed he was awake. “Good morning, Gabriel. I’m glad to see you finally woke up. After all those stitches you took a long sleep. How are you feeling now?” She asked. Gabriel looked around the room, the pain leaving his muscles feeling stretched.

“It hurts to move much.” He said.

“Well, I’d suspect after being attacked by a wolf would leave you feeling like that. You’re just lucky Charlie was driving down the road from picking up his fire wood.” She smiled and pressed her hand upon his forehead, then checking his heart beat and the like. “Well you seem alright at the moment. You had a fever during the night, but I guess it finally let go.” She gave him a pat on the arm and then turned to walk away and just as she was doing so the reflection of that face was caught in the metal reflection in the table not far off, startling Gabriel. The nurse turned quickly towards him and put a hand on his arm. “Is everything alright? You look white.” Gabriel felt fear before blinking, but as he opened his eyes the reflection was gone and he slowly calmed down. The nurse gave a frown and patted him on the shoulder. “I guess you are a bit traumatized by the attack. I’ll leave you be. Rest some more.” She turned and walked away, closing the door and leaving the room to become silent.

The strong light coming from the window slightly disturbed him as he lay back down, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to comprehend what he remembered. It was a shaking fear inside of him that was at his presence at all times. Fear--and hate. The patterned sound of the monitor next to him in perfectly rhythm with his heart beat, a slow steady pace. The feeling was as if time was slowing in front of his life, even the dust one could see through the sunlight’s beam seemed to float slower like snow without wind and gently, he closed his eyes till he fell back asleep.

When he reopened his eyes it had felt like a mere second of life passing by as fast as he had closed them, slowly leaning up from his bed. When he arose he found himself staring at a dark creature sitting on all four legs. Its skin looked like smooth rock though very oddly shaped as its long face or beak as what it seemed motioned back and forth to show it breathing through large nostrils. Its eyes looked human though, black in color yet it had a strange sense of calmness to it. Its body was shaped like a dog with a large strong body, just sitting there staring at him. Gabriel closed his eyes for a moment and reopened them—the creature was gone. He gave a very light smirk as relieve before feeling a warm breath upon his neck. His eyes turned slowly to look at the creature sitting beside his bed, its eyes at a piercing gaze as his lips began to softly quiver.

A mouth formed upon the beak of the animal and lips began to move, strangely Gabriel could not hear a single word parting from the creatures lips. He couldn’t tell if he was deaf or if any sound was even coming from the creature. When the lips finally stopped moving the creature turned and began walking away, beginning to take another forum. It stood up on its hind legs and a transformation occurred. This new form took shape of almost a human body, the beak melting away while and the skin cloaking around itself. It now stood with its back to Gabriel and whatever form it had taken was finished. He then opened his mouth to speak even though this was not a voluntary response. “Give her back.” He said in a soft but rough voice.

The creature continued to stand completely still as Gabriel stared at it. The moment in time continued to stay silent as the creature still did not move. “I said—“, his lips parted again, but before he could finish his sentence the creature’s head twisted around backwards to reveal an ear shrieking scream and a face that horrified Gabriel. Its eyes had became sharp and the nostrils slits upon its face and the mouth had turned in a circular shape with teeth in position of it’s lips like the mouth of a squid, Gabriel grabbing the hand rail as the creature jumped forward at him with a pair of wings and before he could respond its teeth formed forward to stab themselves into his left shoulder, no sound coming from his mouth as the first feeling was not pain, but a numbing emotion. At the same moment his open right arm swung at the creature and punched itself into the side of the creatures jaw, the teeth leaving the wound as both him and the creature fell off the bed, but Gabriel continued to beat the creature over and over until a blow to its nostrils spit out a black blood into his face.

At that exact moment his eyes awoke and he screamed grabbing both side railings of the bed before noticing he was still in his bed. He breathed hard before lying back down though the shaking feeling he had felt wrapped around his body. A beeping sound began to click in his ears as he turned to see the help controller had a red thumb print on it and within a few minutes the door opened with a doctor walking in and quickly stopping with a great look of surprise running over to the side of his bed, then kneeling. The doctor rose to run to the door and call out for others to please help him, many other people rushing inside and then ran to the side of his bed. A second later they all had pulled up the body of a nurse, her entire wardrobe covered in blood as the blood dripped from the back of her head like a leaky sink, Gabriel staring at her as they took her away and left the door open.

He stared at the opening, the sound of his heartbeat and phones ringing, voices rushing through the air. His eyes widened as something walked by his door in a fast manner, a completely red body with the nerves showing, no skin to cover itself as it stared at him with a smiling face and walked off. He turned his head away and stared at the railing of his bed, his eyes squinting to see a reflection of something upon the metal. A voice then whispered in his ear, “She is here.” It said, then moving down the pole of the railing and disappearing out of sight.

It was forty five minutes later before the same doctor came into the room with a mournful face, walking to the side of the bed and looking down upon Gabriel.

“Do you know what happened, Gabriel?” The same voice rang in his ears.
“Oh yeah, bitch got beaten.” Though the doctor did not seem to hear what he heard.
“No. I just woke up when you came into the room.” The voice spoke again.
“Bullshit, you were wide awake the entire time. I love when you deny everything, heh, heh, heh.”
“I see, well the nurse has died during surgery. Her face showed great damage from a blunt object and the back of her head was cracked. I don’t know why, but I’m sorry you had to see that.” Gabriel did not seem to react with any emotion as the doctor spoke, the voice continuing to respond to the doctor though only he seemed to hear it.
“Of course, a doll like that is going to be thrown around when she doesn’t do what she’s told, just wished I would’ve screwed her before I was done.” It said.
“We will be moving you to another room so the police and CSI unit may investigate what has happened. Can you stand? Maybe walk?” The doctor asked. Gabriel sat up slowly and took hold of the right railing, pushing it downwards before taking one leg over the side and then both, sitting on the edge of the bed. The doctor helped him up as he felt weak from sleeping so long, the doctor then taking the tube out of his arm and any other object off his body and then walking out the door and down the hall. It was a few minutes before they found another room, walking inside and laying Gabriel back down onto another bed. “I’ll be back later. The remote is right next to your bed and I’ll get a nurse to come help you with whatever you need at the moment.” He smiled and then walked out of the room.

Not long after a nurse entered the room with the same fake smile and walked up to Gabriel. “What can I do for you?” She asked.
“I’m hungry. Is there any lunch?” He asked.
“Oh yes, its noon right now so there should be some stuff cooked. I’ll go get some so you sit back and get comfortable.” She turned and walked out of the room, Gabriel taking a hold of the T.V. remote and pressing the power button. The T.V. above connected to the ceiling was on the news channel, he was never really interested in politics though and began flipping through the channels. He nearly dropped the remote when it went to a scene on a show where the sight of a bloody body came to his eyes, though he calmed down immediately when he saw the Sci Fi logo on the lower right side. He turned off the T.V. right after and placed the remote on the table, the nurse walking in with a tray of food.
“Here we are.” She said, sitting the food on the table. “Let me help you up.” She came over to him and helped him out of bed, then pulling the seat back and back in as he sat. “Enjoy your meal and if you need anything else just push the help button over there next to the bed.” She patted his back and walked back out of the room, shutting the door as everything went silent again.

He ate the hospital food slowly as the taste seemed rather terrible, but he was hungry and didn’t complain. When he finished he stood up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door and then dropping his sweat pants to take a dump. After he finished he stood up and pulled his pants back up, walking over to the sink and turning the knob to release the water, but nothing came out. He turned the other knob testing both, nothing happened. He stood straight up looking over at the door and placed his hands upon the side of the sink. “Well, men hardly wash their hands anyway.” He said to himself and he turned to open the bathroom door when the water came back on. Something felt wrong as he walked back over and placed both hands into the water, washing them and then turning off the knobs as he reached upwards for the towel next to the mirror. When the reflection of his eyes met he stopped.

A figure stood in front of him, human in shape but covered in an orange fur. Its eyes slanted downwards on both sides and there was only a dot for a pupil of red staring at him with a smile filled with ragged sharp teeth.
“Was it fun?” It asked. Gabriel didn’t know what to say. “Oh c’mon, I know you enjoyed it with that expression on your face you had. “Let me guess, you do not believe what you see or have done is real and are wondering what I am. Correct? Well let me introduce myself, my name is Razakel.” Razakel said. Gabriel did not seem to full understand, but he did not fear him.
“What are you?” Gabriel asked.
“I am a very old being who is trapped on the other side, somewhat. It is so lonely when you can see life through a mirror.” He said. “But I must live with what has happened to me, sad I know. You on the other hand are going to entertain me.” A sinister smile grew upon Razakel’s face as he saw the reaction upon Gabriel’s gaze.
“I’m not doing shit for you; I just want to be left alone.”
“No you don’t, you want something else.” He quickly replied.

A second later a knock came at the door and a voice came through the door. “Are you alright Mr. Luscious? This is Detective Caleb; I need to ask you a few questions.” A laugh came from Razakel and he turned his head towards the door, Gabriel staring at him before opening it. “Yes?”
“Sorry to disturb you, but it is important I talk to you.” Gabriel opened the door and walked over to the sink grabbing a tooth brush the hospital places in all the bathrooms.
“Ask away.” Gabriel said, running the water over his tooth brush and then placing some tooth paste to begin brushing his teeth. “The doctor told me you don’t know what happened because you were asleep, right?”
”Yeah.” Gabriel said as best as he could as he brushed his teeth.
“I just wanted to clear that up, but is there anything you may remember in your dream or maybe some sound you heard before you woke up?” He asked.
“No, I don’t think so.”
”So, you’re saying you did not hear any screaming, yelling of any kind? The patient next door was worried about what was happening in your room when a scream rang out. Are you absolutely sure you didn’t hear anything?” He asked again. Razakel smiled as he leaned forward towards Gabriel.
“I think he’s sniffing too close. I have a feeling he’ll be trying to get you in cuffs before he leaves.” His voice only appeared to be heard by Gabriel as he looked up at the creature and then over at the detective, then spitting into the sink and washing his mouth out.
“I’m quite sure. When I was six I slept through a tornado that almost hit my house.” The detective chuckled and scratched his head.
“I see, my uncle was the same way. But anyway I’m going to need your finger prints just to be sure. When you’re done come on out and will do this quickly so you can get back to resting.” Razakel laughed again.
“I love it when I’m right.” Gabriel placed the tooth brush back into the cup and walked out of the bathroom, though leaving the door open. The detective walked over to the table and pulled out some paper and a small pad that opened with an ink sponge inside.
“This will only take a second. Just give me your hand and will be done before you know it.”

Gabriel lifted his arm freely and let the detective began taking his prints, but the voice objected.
“What an idiot. You should know he can only get your prints with consent and now that he will have them I won’t have anymore fun. Now, Gabriel, please take the gun from his holster and shoot him.” Gabriel twitched at Razakel’s order. “If you don’t your life is over and I’ll have to find another like you which isn’t easy. Please, do it for both of us. Do it…for her.” His last words seemed to affect Gabriel much more greatly than before as his eyes widened.

“Yes.” He said.
“Yes, what?” The detective asked, but before he could notice Gabriel had grabbed his gun with his left hand and pressed it upon the back of his head.
“For her.” He pulled the trigger back and blood splattered in almost every direction. Gabriel grabbed the paper and ink pad and ran into the bathroom still with the gun. A few moments later another man busted through the main door and saw the detective on the ground, he pulling out his gun and hearing the toilet flush. He opened the bathroom door with his gun forward, another cop staring at Gabriel as he held the gun against his head.
“Put down the gun!” The cop yelled.
“Go back home.” Gabriel replied.
“I can’t do that. You have killed an officer and must be taken in. Probably killed that nurse too.” He said. Gabriel was also holding a pillow close to his chest with his other arm, leaning against the wall. “Drop the gun and will figure this out! Do it!” The cop yelled.
“Damn pig.” Gabriel said, pulling his gun forward and instantly the cop shot at him, Gabriel falling forward as metal hit metal and he took his own shot, blood bursting from the cop’s neck and falling backwards.

“Ha ha ha! Brilliant! Using a piss pan as a shield and hiding it behind a pillow!” Razakel yelled laughing. “You may now enter.” The bathroom door closed by itself and Gabriel stood up, gun still in hand. He walked forward and opened the door, walking forward into a black abyss and disappearing into where reality met fantasy.

His eyes instantly closed at the brightness of the room he had entered, he slowly lifting his eye-lids to find himself in a room of mirrors. Razakel stood in one straight in front of him. “By taking two lives do you gain entry into my world. Welcome.” He said. Then the figure of a young woman appeared in the mirror, Gabriel placing his hand upon the mirror trying to touch her face. “Yes, this is the one.” Razakel said before letting the illusion fade to show himself once more, Gabriel smacking the butt of the gun into the mirror to break all the glass. “Please, don’t do that. I brought you here, you should be honored.” Gabriel looked at the wall to see Razakel, lifting his gun and shooting into the mirror, glass falling to the floor. “I said stop! I know you’re, but you can control your emotions at least!” Razakel screamed. Gabriel walked to the center of the room and took shot after shot, shooting every mirror he could until the gun stopped firing. “Out of the hundreds of years I have been doing this I have no seen such disrespect and pathetic human nature! I don’t care if you loved this girl, but I will kill you if you keep on doing this!”

“Then kill me.” Gabriel said, walking up to another mirror and smashing it, beginning to do so until nearly every mirror was crushed. When he came up to the last mirror he brought his arm back to swing once more, but as he did so Razakel stretched out an arm from the mirror and grabbed Gabriel’s forearm and used the other to grab his neck.
“Then so be it!” Razakel began to squeeze Gabriel’s neck, but something happened that had never happened before, Gabriel reached through the mirror and took hold of Razakel’s neck. “Let—go, dammit!” Both this creature and man gripped roughly at one another trying to squeeze every breath out of each other, but Gabriel’s eyes were burning with the same hatred he had felt in that cabin.
“I—did not love her. I—was suppose to—“, he gave out a cough before continuing, both of them struggling to stay conscious, “kill her!” He screamed and then ran forward almost into the mirror as it turned into a liquid substance and they both almost pulled each other in, half of their bodies in and out of the mirror and at an angle half of their face showed on the other side of one another.

“What are you, boy?” Razakel asked. “Are you one of them?! How would that ever be possible?!” Finally, Razakel felt himself pulled from the mirror and was thrown to the ground, looking up to see Gabriel standing there with his hand out holding the gun. “Too bad you’re out of bullets because out of the mirror I’m mortal! Ha!” Gabriel pushed his other hand out of the mirror and cocked the gun.
“It was jammed.” One shot was fired as Razakel fell to the floor clutching his chest. Two more shots went through him until he hit the floor, blooding dripping from his mouth. Gabriel dropped the gun and placed his entire body inside the mirror. “It is my turn to become—isolated.”

[Lai]

Grammar: You need a lot of work with grammar. You have a large problem with comma usage and run-on sentences. You either end up using too many to link too many ideas together or you just make a sentence that could easily be linked to another sentence with a comma. You also have a tough time with tense. I noticed that you mixed that up a lot. You used present progressive almost whenever you should have used past tense. A lot of words were also spelled incorrectly and a lot were even left out completely. You need to revise better when writing. 6/10

Style: I had to read a couple things over a couple of times, but that was no big deal. I have to do that with books sometimes, too. I did, however, have a little bit of a problem with the way some things were written out and explained. For one thing, telling the reader that Gabriel went into the bathroom to take a dump was unnecessary. You could have just said he went in to wash his face and clear his head. I was also pretty confused when you said that he had a pillow and a bedpan inside the bathroom. Bedpans, along with pillows, are usually outside of the bathroom either next to or on the bed. I also didn't really see how this fit the theme of isolation. It was more along the lines of insanity or possession or something along those lines. The last line of the story just seemed forced to try and fit the theme. 7/10

Creativity: I did enjoy the creative aspect of the story even if it wasn't written well. It was an interesting idea and I did find myself wondering what the hell was going on. It was an awkward ending and seemed rushed, but I'll blame that on the word limit and not take points off for it. You seemed to plan it out decently, so I'll give you 8/10

Overall: 21/30

You really need to proof-read. So many of your errors could have been prevented with a couple of proof-reads. Maybe even ask a friend to look it over for you.

[Blacksmith]

Yeah, being rushed with only a few days left and the word limit kind of set me back. But fair is fair, I really haven't written anything for a couple years.