Poems of a Renaissance romantic

This is a vast collection of all my poetic works up till my Final Fantasy Tribute poem.

Angelic Demon

I sit here in the darkness
My orange eyes shining, my horns reflecting
When I do not speak, they hear my tartness
Behind a wall of shadows, I keep deflecting
This pain I feel, it keeps coming back.

Suddenly, I see a faint light
And she comes, looking so pure
It illuminates and I cannot see, it is so bright
For my disease, she is the miracle cure
Healing me, mending my broken heart with soft words.

To keep her from being hurt, I hiss
She comes closer, she looks into my eyes
Then moves in and calms my unrest with a soft kiss
Telling me how much she loves me and that everything are not lies
That she will always tell the truth, and never deceive.

Then as she says this, her angelic wings take her aloft
I chase after her, wanting to be with her forever
I trip and fall, yet my landing is so soft
For we cannot be parted, nothing to our love can sever
This bond, and so, my new-grown angelic wings take me to her.

I am an angelic demon
Going from darkness to light
Together forever, to me, it shall seem
To make sense, she makes everything right
I have been found, saved, and now, loved.

Forever.


Circlet of Fire

Passion burning like an eternal flame
Searing the soul like the fires of Hell
Illuminating my halo like a circlet of fire
Casting stark shadows on the walls, of my horns
Forever visible, always there, never fading.

Passion without reason, passion without boundaries
Working towards the heart like an enchanted blade
Pushing deeper, deeper, always onwards, relentlessly
Driving itself into my very being, killing me
Obliterating all I was, all I want to be
And replacing it with a demonic angel.

Torn wings flutter feebly, horns lengthen
My angel is dying, fading away slowly
The demon is winning, no fight left in me
Trying to hold on, trying to win a hopeless battle
Failing miserably, I fall, and everyone I hold dear, leaves.

Left here alone, broken and beaten to near death
I lie, bleeding into the night, I die
Failed everyone is my sin, no one can soothe it
Crying silently, my tears form stagnant pools
Rooting for me will do no good, I cannot be helped.

From caterpillar to butterfly, life goes on
Nobody notices the butterfly with torn wings
Struggling to fly, struggling to survive, that is me
Unnoticed until it can't fight any longer, and dies
Then, only then, will people notice or remember.


Cold as a dead man's grave

Fear, cold and cruel, toppling kings, slaying heroes' hearts
Piercing the soul, filling the veins with lead
Mercilessly breaking hopes and shattering dreams
Paralyzing strong men, sowing seeds of doubt
Causing resolve to waver and fade, courage gone.

Reducing strong-willed men to tears of regret
Breaking the spine of all, except the iron-willed people
I, alas, am not among that number, strength is gone
Knees give way, resolve fades, fear grips like an iron vice
Cold as a dead man's grave, and just as unrelenting.

Hovering next to me, as insubstantial as my shadow
Yet as potent and deadly as the vilest poison
A disease, a curse, inevitability, yet still, a cure
A shield of iron, protecting against the barbs of society
But at the same time, holding back from success.

Flawed logic seeming so right, so sensible
All the while, little voices of doubt clamor futilely
Drowned out by the hand of reasoning
Thinking itself so right, it could only be wrong
It will never admit it, and turns the blind eye.

Icicle cold, a Snow Queen of my soul
Riding out to my heart in chariots of shadow
All she touches, freezes, becomes numb
Welcoming her like an old man welcomes death
She rides forth in majesty, and all bows before her.


Endless Questions

Uncertainty, provider of reason, sewer of doubt
Always searching, always afraid, always wondering
Trying to see into the future for a definite end
Hoping that every question will have an answer
Yet dreading what those answers are and may mean
Content to sit in darkness, yet unsure of itself.

Uncertainty infiltrates the soul, speaking words of seeming reason
Whispering that if one cannot ask, the answer will change
Saying that it is best not knowing due to the answers implications
Not at peace, yet not totally at war with itself
Waiting to see what or who will make the first move.

Torn apart inside, the voices cry out still
Begging to hear an answer or death takes it
Yet knowing the answer may mean death in another guise
Dying slowly, burning to death on a pyre of passion
Being assaulted with endless questions, no answers
All the things she said, running through my head.

Uncertain of uncertainty, the epitome of the paradox
Seemingly so, yet at the same time, not quite right
An ill-fitting shoe forced onto the wrong foot
Pointed out as a perfect size, so reasonable, so true
A firewall, a scanner, hardware, the perfect offense.

Lying, pushing away, distancing oneself
Hoping solitude will answer all, the tried-but-true cure
Locking away feelings, cutting off from emotions
Giving in to fear, becoming her obedient servant
Courting to her every whim, every desire, every order.


Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly Tribute
With these bloody hands

Stagnant water
Rotting flesh
Merciless slaughter
Death so fresh
Here I lie.

Wandering from room to room
Feeling so lonely, feeling so cold
Desperately wanting, yet living my doom
Seeing, watching others, wishing I could be bold
But forever misunderstood, forever afraid.

With these bloody bloody hands
I leave my mark, my pain, and my fear
To forever wander alone, like burning brands
Doomed to forever hurt those I hold dear
Lying here, my tears are the pools of blood.

A life cut short, so soon began
Pure love, or a hopeless sacrifice?
Who will tell? No one can
What was the reason? To pay a price
A pact with the devil makes me complete.

Don’t mourn me, do not weep
For I am happy, I am at peace
Hold on to memories, it is all you can keep
Soon it will all be over, my lease
I will fulfill the devil’s pact, and be free
I will fly like the broken butterfly I am
With torn wings I will fly to salvation.


Forced Happiness

Showing them harmless works of art
Not about me, death, or suicide
To keep them happy, it is a start
Forcing happiness upon me like a pill of cyanide
And all the while, tears fall deep inside
Of me.

Trying to smile, trying to have fun
Knowing all the while in their eyes, tears are weakness
Making it so hard to live up to their standards, I'm done
Trying to hide, to cover up my freakiness
They've raised the bar too high, I aim too low.

Forced happiness written upon my face
Waiting, hoping, praying they won't worry
Trying to tell them I'm fine, all I need is space
All I can say to them is that I'm sorry
That I am such a failure, that I can't be glad.

Looking around, dying quietly, I bleed
My soul is shredded, never to be repaired
So hungry for love, it is my one need
Feeling so slow, so stuck, so impaired
I am not able to stand, is that weakness?

Trying to hide the fact I need aid
For they tell me its weakness, they say
Feeling so lost, starting to fade
Hoping soon I won't see another day
Leave this world, and never to return.


Frightened Light

Struggling, I move through the day
Always looking for your face
But it’s always the same way
Whenever I see you, I increase my pace
Why can’t I stop and tell you what’s on my mind?

Every day we see each other
And all words simply pass us by
Any feelings we have, we try to smother
We keep on living in this lie
How long can this go on?

All this waiting is making me sick
Tearing me apart as I stand here
God, I feel like the world’s biggest ****
And as I watch you, no-one can see my tear
That is running down my face.

When I see you, everything is right
When I’m with you, you give me new life
Your presence to me shines so bright
All the while, I am at strife
Can’t I work this out by myself?

Looking at me with those eyes
I feel insignificant, I feel scared
So I bite my cheek and tell you lies
Maybe that’s why you never admitted you cared
Because you’re just as frightened as me.


Ghost in the Shell Tribute
Unanswered Questions

Am I alive? Am I real?
What is living? How do I tell if I am here?
Is it what I can see? Is it what I can feel?
Is it the feeling of love? Is it the ice-cold fear?
Who knows? Not I.

Surveying my surroundings
Enhanced perceptions tell me what I need to know
Jumping onto the tops of buildings
Chasing a human, he is suddenly so slow
Is he always slow, or am I not human?
Who knows? Not I.

I do not bleed
Pistons enhance my strength
Where will all this technological advancements lead?
To survive and strive to be the best, humanity will go to any length
Nerve enhancements amplify my reflexes and yet it does not feel right.
Do I have a ghost; do I have variety of humanity?
Who knows? Not I.

Assessing situations with more calm than is necessary
Methodically taking out my targets one by one
My efficiency, my indifference is scary
One minute I'm there, the next; gone
Leaving death and gore like a bloody trail
Why am I so cold and calculating?
Who knows? Not I.

Life's like a node inserted into the stream of information
Gaining access to memories and experiences
Living day-to-day without elation
Wishing away all the little differences
Why does humanity strive for materialism? Is it right?
Who knows? Not I.


Guilt (5 W's)

Such pain, pain and regret I feel
Drowning myself in hyper-inducing foods
Hoping a mistake will occur, my life it shall steal
Even after eating so much candy, I feel no change in my moods
Why am I denied happiness?

Even a concrete pole
Will not accomplish my suicide task
All it did was deepen my sorrow-filled hole
Continuously hiding behind a mask
Who will help me now?

Crying myself to sleep at night
Telling myself I will never be glad
I've listened to it so long, it must be right
Anyone could help, but they don't, this makes me sad
What will they do to help? Where will I meet them?

Sitting in my darkened room
I make a tentative cut
Not yet ready to seal my doom
To everyone, I am tightly shut
When will they understand?

Never.


Invisibility

So forgotten, so unseen
No one knows me, memories fade
Fading away, not who I used to be
Hidden away, becoming a shade
Traversing the Valley of Death.

Drowning within myself
Closed off, feeling so cold
Always running, into a gulf
Stop writing this, I'm told
But this is what I live to do.

It's bad for you, it won't help
They say so confidently, yet never know
What it feels like to be hurt by love, try to yelp
Then broken, struck down by a blow
Never have they felt so hopeless as me.

Trying their patience, growing so angry
I put myself down, say it's my fault
Looking so unkempt, looking so mangy
My heart and soul sealed within a vault
Believing it's me, I try to change.

Deaf to their denials
I stubbornly believe it's me
Soon I will cross the line, it'll be final
They'll leave, tell me I cannot see
What they're doing, which is helping
Yet maybe I can't be helped.


Lamentable Exorcism

Eyes so red
Breath so cold
Too late now, he's dead
Filled within by a darkness so old
Stand back and watch my horns grow.

Looking around
Extending and retracting my claws
Ears picking up every little sound
Projected onto the outside, all the flaws
That are there, magnified.

Morality is overrated
Believing oneself capable of immortality
Hungrily feeding on fear, on doubt, my hunger is not yet sated
Shading my eyes from her, she is so pretty
Trying to fill this void with light.

Just a ghost inside a shell
Nothing more than human intelligence
Yet constantly burning like the fires of Hell
Who am I? Where am I going? It doesn't make sense
Questioning the existence of a human identity.

Sitting in the ominous black
Staring up at a blood-red harvest moon
Love's sweet kiss, I lack
Yet still hoping it will come soon
Praying the darkness will give way to light.

Muscles rippling
Rage coursing through these veins
Forcing a smile is so crippling
Vengeance dying to right the pains
And the injustices done against me.

Centering, soothing the beast
Stroking its fur, whispering unforgivable lies
Savoring the taste of blood, the gore feast
That will decorate the walls and open their eyes.


Moonlight Shadow

Sitting here with you, staring up at the moon
The moonlight twinkling in your eyes
You lean in to kiss me, I nearly swoon
Instead you whisper into my ears, lies
Saying you do not love me, that it can never be.

You leave me here stranded and broken
Upon me falls night oh so black
The necklace is a symbol, your only token
And in feelings and emotions I lack
And as you leave, the moonlight shadow covers me
And I fade away.

Watching you, waiting
Hoping, praying
Becoming so frustrating
With everything I'm not saying
I will talk to you or perish.

Heart and soul torn out
Feelings and emotions dead
Tune me out whenever I shout
Filling my veins with lead
I need more friends with wings.

Looking around, crying
Cutting, slitting
Blood flows away like I'm flying
Then falls where I am sitting
Creating a blood-red mirror.

A cracked reflection
Shattered pieces of glass
Never to attain perfection
Cut down like a blade of grass
Falling, never again to rise.

Moving on in life, trying to forget the pain
Never moving forwards, never moving back
Keeping to the past, masquerading is a strain
Pushing away, breaking the skin like a tack
I am nothing more than a moonlight shadow
In the shape of a broken and lost human.


Numbness

Outside, the world is cold
Yet standing here, I feel nothing
Looking around, feeling so old
Picking at my scars, not so much as a sting
The world turns, yet I stand perfectly still.

How did I get this way?
Become so distant, so numb
My mouth is open, with nothing to say
Standing next to her, I feel so dumb
She helps me stand, I am her burdened heart.

Pushing away, pulling her close
I cannot think, I am confused
She stops me from taking the fatal dose
Killing me, I would've died if she had refused
To accept me for whom I am, and left.

She told me she had experienced worse
And that what I did, it did not matter
Her heart is not in her pocket, it is in her purse
Something to live for, my blood won't splatter
But still doubt and uncertainty plague me.

How long until we can meet?
Waiting patiently, trying in vain to grab the bait
I am certain our meeting will be bittersweet
For instead of a message, she will turn from my face, it is fate
My heart jumps for joy, yet cries bloody tears of pain.


Pain

I am so scared
Feeling so lonely, feeling so lost
Everyone has lied, they never cared
My emotions and feelings are the cost
Everything inside of me has died.

In this selfish place
Nobody notices, nobody sees me
That they've lied to my face
When will they not be blind, and see?
I feel so invisible and unloved.

Who will care?
Stabbing me in the back
All this blood is such a scare
My responsiveness and emotions lack
I am so cold, so numb.

Hearing people say they understand
Saying they care, getting worried about me
You do not need to get worried I demand
Insisting I'm fine, comfortably happy to be
When in reality, I can't keep myself together.

Trying to say I don't deserve this
She keeps placing a finger on my lips
Quietening my protests with a loving kiss
My heart re-bounds, and does so many flips
Why did she have to make me so warm, and awaken these feelings in me?


Pleadings

Day after day goes by,
And still I cannot forget your face,
Every breath I take is a sigh,
And still I give chase.
It seems so wrong, yet so right.

You complete me,
Fill up my empty space,
I'm so love struck I can't see,
Then you turn your back on my face.
You ignore my cries.


Without you I can't breathe,
My heart pounding within my chest,
Towards your actions I cannot believe,
Staying awake when I need to rest.
You're slowly killing me.

I can't go on much more,
Can't cope with all this pain,
Whenever I'm with you I soar,
I look upon the real me with disdain.
And locked away tight is the way I'll be.


Death’s Sweet Love

The sirens song I heed
For the relief of my mind
I sit here, and silently bleed
It seems the world is blind
To me.

The world is spinning
Spiraling my life into Hell
Because of this, it is pinning me
And I have fallen, into the well
That drowns me in guilt.

I am torn in two
The slow shredding of one’s soul
What to do, I have no clue
My thoughts are as black as coal
But yet, I am calm.

It will all be over soon
My torment, my pain, my grief
My blood shall run into the moon
And through it, I will have peace
So ends my punishment.

With my death, freedom comes on swift wings
To take me to a place
Where problems are small things
And on my lips a love for me, I can taste
Thus I am loved, and belong.

Death of a Zombie

Same old routine, same old day
Moving through it like a dead man
Every little thing, done in the same way
How much more can I stand? And,
To my eyes, the world is black and white without you.

Drifting through life
Saying the same old things
While inside I am at strife
Hopelessness encloses me with iron wings
This cell, I cannot break. So I need you.

I cannot see the walls
Grasping anything to hold
Soon my life slows, then stalls
How can depression be so bold?
As to stop the clock, on me? I’m waiting for you.

I am sure to lose
When I gamble with life
But, you must always choose
Through this, there is an ending to my strife
Even though I’m not able to see it, because all I see is you.

I must confess, I am scared
Through my endless night
If you were a friend, you would’ve cared
How can you say your actions are right?
You’re leaving me here, to die. BUT, I hold on…to you.

Runaway Love

She doesn’t love me
Never did, never will
Oh, how was I too blind to see?
My love for her makes me ill
Still, I crave her passion.

She turns and looks away
To scared to admit she sees me
Whenever I try to say
This is what I want us to be
I get tongue-tied and cannot speak.

How long should I stay?
Do I leave, do I close my eyes?
When I turn to go, she will always say
That everything she said about me were lies
And that she loves me still.

Why am I so dumb?
To think she changed
This pain has made me numb
I feel so deranged
I cannot tell which way to go.

I still feel for her
And her face is haunting me
Sometimes she acts like soft, warm fur
Then goes cold and says this is not to be
Why do I keep on running?