2006 TOA R1: Makoto v. Piroblaze

[LocoColt04]

OOC: Again, I apologize for the delay. Have a glance at the Information thread if you're curious about why. In any case, let's get things going. Though it goes without saying, be sure to double check the TOA rules and have another glance through the thread about what we look for when judging -- it should help you out. Since it's already after 6pm CST on the 15th, I will not close the threads in exactly ten days.

Instead, the thread will be closed sometime on 26 Jun 2006. Judging will occur as soon as possible and the quarterfinals will go up immediately afterward.

Keep your eyes on the Information thread; all important updates will continue to go into that thread. If there are any questions, feel free to PM or utilize the Q&A thread, which will remain open. But enough of the formalities.

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The night was calm, but overcast. The moon shone brightly through the thin layer of clouds, rising and fading as the gentle breeze moved southward. The courtyard was quiet. The thin trees loomed menacingly overhead, amplified by the eerie darkness about them. A pair of leaves danced beneath a stone bench.

Much of the ground was covered in stone. It was muggy, but not quite damp enough for dew to form. Each of the courtyard's four small gardens was home to a tree; each garden was located in one of the four corners. The rest of the space was open, aside from a bench here or a pile of leaves there. The only real obstruction was the oversized stone birdbath located in the exact center. (OOC: use this however you wish, but do not destroy it)

Each wall of the courtyard held four small torches. Despite the large, open area in the middle, the lighting was quite fair -- perhaps the full moon could be thanked for that. There were two entrances; one on the east wall, leading into the dining and kitchen areas, and one on the west wall, leading into one of the main living areas. All of the bedrooms were upstairs. The entire first level of the estate was filled with common rooms, furniture, and doors to the outer estate. (OOC: you can destroy whatever you want inside the house, so long as you don't burn the place down)

The wind grew calm. Three figures appeared in a window upstairs. The unknown men, assumed to be the hosts of this tournament, stood calmly, watching over the courtyard. A voice rang out from above. "BEGIN!"

Two fighters stepped into the courtyard; one from the east, and one from the west.

[Toph Bei Fong]

Mental glass shatters as a thumping sound emerges from the door. Ren let out a sigh, because he knew that the time had finally come. He stood up and gathered his three blade sheaths. Two of which carried katana within. The third sheath was mysteriously empty.

Each of the sheath designs were similar yet differed from each other by the species of animal. One sheath bore a white tiger with icy cold eyes that would intimidate the cowardice. Another bore the insignia of a blue dragon that wrapped itself around the sheath and had fiery red eyes and red hot flames erupting from its mouth, turning everything in its path into ash. The third and empty sheath had the lone soul of the wolf with mystifying yet tranquil green eyes.

Ren's dark soulless eyes looked ahead as his feet moved slowly towards the door, leaving his room. The door closed behind him as he walked through a hallway. His feet carried him into the courtyard from the eastern sect. He took one last breath, closing his eyes and cracking his neck.

He gripped his tiger sheath, ready to flick his thumb and lash out at any moving object within his 6' radius bubble. His emotionless eyes were closed once again in meditation and extreme focus. His body was twisted in such a manner, that his first swing would be a lethal one for anything that came into contact with it. If anything came from behind, he could merely thrust his sheath in its direction.

[Lucid]

((OOC: I've been having some problems lately so please bear with me. >.< ))

"Did you hear about that tournament they're holding in Edo?" a man said to the other men at the table where Akai was serving tea to the men she was entertaining. She was made up in her normal geisha attire since she was working.

'Tournament...hm?' Akai thought to herself as she listened to their conversation. 'That sounds interesting, unlike this...' Akai had had enough of these perverted men's banter.

"The tournament sounds foolish, don't you think so Hana?" one of the drunk men laughed and put his arm around her. "I could think of something more fun, hmm...?"

"Hmm...perhaps," Akai said rather seductively as she leaned away from him and pulled the bottom of her kimono up a bit, showing off a little of her legs. She then slowly pulled the hairpin from her hair, letting it fall down her back like a black wave. The man licked his lips at her actions and as he leaned down towards her she suddenly thrust the hairpin deep into his eye, causing the man to scream and fall back in pain. The other men made startled gasps and jumped up from their seats.

"The only one foolish is you, old man." Akai said calmly as she sat still. "I'm not a common whore." She said as she withdrew her hairpin and gave a wicked smile to the other three men who were standing almost frozen at what had happened.

"It..it's her!" one of the other men finally said. "Akai..." he trailed off as she had suddenly jumped towards himand slashed his throat by the bladed tessen which she was now holding in her hand.

"Yes, Akai Yuki." she finished. "But it's a shame you won't live to tell anyone about it..."

When she finally left the house she was splattered with blood, but she didn't care. She was determined to get to Edo and enter the tournament, no matter what the cost. She slipped a cloak around her bloodstained clothing and headed back to her home. She had to get ready for the trip.

***

It was quite some time before Akai reached Edo and the location of the tournament and she was almost surprised by how large and how formal it seemed. "Most impressive," she mumbled to herself as she walked entered the door, removing her shoes in the entrance. She was greeted by a woman who walked her to her room and as they walked down the long hall, Akai looked out of the windows facing into the equally large, open courtyard dotted with gardens and trees. 'I suppose that's where the battles will take place...' Akai thought to herself. She and the hostess soon arrived to her room upstairs.

"Please enjoy your stay," the woman said to her as she bowed, then left the room and closed the door behind her. The room was nice and large and furnished with a beautifully made bureau and vanity. AKai walked to the window she noticed that she also had a nice view of the courtyard from there as well.

Akai sat down and made herself comfortable since it would be awhile before she would be fighting.

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Akai had been sitting on the floor in her room, strumming her shamisen and singing a song of broken hearts and drinking as she awaited the start of the tournament. Half of her long black hair was pulled up into a bun and held in place with an ornamental hairpin of cherry blossoms, and the rest of her hair was left flowing down her back and was touching the ground. Her small form was clothed in a white kimono, with beautifully embroidered fans and flowers of red and black. Her red obi was wrapped and tied in a way which formed a cherry blossom design on the back of the obi.

After a while, Akai put the shamisen down and stood up. It was time. She picked up her specially made tessen from the vanity and tucked one into the front of her obi and the other tucked into the sleeve of her kimono. She blew out the candles in her room then slid open the shoji screen door and walked out, sliding the the door closed behind her before making her way down the steps. Wearing her white tabi, her feet padded silently across the floor as she walked through the long hall with her long hair swishing softly around her legs. Her red lips were pressed together with serene calmness, but there was a hint of malice in her light brown eyes.

Akai stepped down at the exit door and slipped into her zori then walked through the door and into the courtyard. There, she looked her opponent over before smiling and giving him a respectful bow.

"Pleased to meet you," she said, then looked back up with an evil smile. "I am known as Akai Yuki...and what should I call the man who will soon be begging me for mercy?" She asked then gave a hateful laugh.

[Toph Bei Fong]

Ren's eyes opened in an instant as his blade sliced through the air, aiming precisely toward the woman's throat. He didn't care in the slightest as to who she was, nor did he ask for her name. If she had been any average fighter, she would have been dead before she finished the first word. He had a feeling she was no average fighter. She had the same scent as him, after all.

After his initial swing, he turned on his ankle and drew out his dragon blade. It swung out for a direct attack toward her abdomen. He sheathed his blades and placed his dark icy eyes upon her. He got into his batoujutsu stance once more.

As he looked upon her, he thought to make a comment about her flaw.

“When in a fight, it is best to slay the opposition as soon as possible. Minus two points for cocky display.” He cracked his neck once more and placed his feet firmly on the ground.

[Lucid]

As the man suddenly swung towards her throat, Akai quickly pulled the tessen hidden in the sleeve of her kimono and blocked the blade from making contact. She then stepped back and pulled the other tessen from her obi and used it to block the next swing towards her abdomen.
"Hmph! You men are all the same." she said sharply. "It's not like I really wanted to know your name anyways. I was just trying to be a little polite at the beginning of our fight." As the man sheathed his sword, he looked at her and she smiled back. "But you certainly are hasty," Akai added. "I, on the other hand, think it's more fun to play with my opponent a bit..."

Akai put both of her tessen in one hand and with the other she reached back and grabbed onto the end of obi and pulled it loose, letting it slolwy fall to the ground. She then pulled the outer layers of kimono off and let them fall to the ground as well, revealing a shorter, sleeveless red type of kimono underneath with a simple black obi wrapped around her waist. She then tied a ribbon around her long hair to keep it from getting in the way too much.

"Sorry, about that. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long," she said nonchalantly as she focused her attention back on her opponent. Akai placed the other tessen back into her other hand then opened them, revealing that they were no ordinary tessen. They were both bladed and spiked. She then also moved into a stance, bringing the two tessen up and crossed them over in front of her chest. She stood there for a moment, unmoving, just watching her opponent as if trying to read his thoughts. She would wait for his next move before she would make her move.

[Toph Bei Fong]

Ren took a deep breath. “No, not at all.”

He was impressed that she was able to parry his attacks. They had the intent to kill, yet she parried them without delay. This made things very interesting for him. Perhaps this battle was more than met the eye.

His icy eyes never left her sight. Her new look seemed a bit alluring for him, yet he wasn't phased by it. He gripped one of his blades and made a quick dash towards her. He ran so fast, his starting step kicked up some dust. He appeared to the left of her in a matter of seconds and swung his blade toward her ribs.

Each time he glances into her eyes, he catches something completely different than what her personality is letting on. What could it mean, he thought. He glances at her tessen, and contemplates what to do about them. He knows that they can be lethal if he's careless. He sheaths his tiger blade and draws out his dragon blade, strafing to her backside and swinging upwards in a jump.

As he lands back down, he sheaths his blade and takes hold of his empty scabbard just in case.

[Lucid]

Akai smiled as she watched him suddenly grab his blade and dash towards her. As he approached her left side, she quickly closed the tessen in her right hand and turned as she brought it down to block the sword swing to her ribs, pushing the blade away from her body as it came by her. At the same time she swung the open tessen in her left hand towards his arm, hoping to catch him off guard.

He then moved around behind her and without hestitating, Akai turned and as he swung upwards towards her, she quickly crouched down, narrowly missing the edge of his blade. A few long strands of her hair had fallen to the ground beside her, showing her just how close his sword had come to her. Akai was still crouched on the ground, looking down at the strands of hair as he landed.

"My hair!" she gasped angrily as she looked up at him. "Do you realize how many years it took to grow my hair this long?! You'll pay for ruining my beautiful hair!"

Akai then stood up and gave a shrill scream as she rushed towards him with her arms stretched out, both tessen were open wide, the sharp metal glimmering in the moonlight. She drew her arms close to her body then as she approached him, she screamed again and swung her right tessen, then her left tessen towards him in rapid succession, then spun around and delivered a kick towards his stomach.

[Toph Bei Fong]

He smirked as she parried his attacks without any flaw. He got a bit careless and managed to get a nick on his arm. She was fairly agile to be able to turn her body as quickly as he moved behind her. As he landed back down from his jump, he didn't expect this next action. Any interest he had in her had dimmed and faded away. He had sliced a few strands of hair and she acted like it was the end of the world.

She charged him. Like a mad bull toward a matador holding a red cape. He cringed as she gave a shrill scream. Just great, now she had become a banshee. He sighed and shrugged, then looked toward the camera-man and shook his head. He looked back to her and noticed she was attacking with both of her weapons. He drew out his dragon blade and parried both tessen attacks, causing sparks to fly.

He thought, I hope all women aren't like this... just as he had thought that, she landed a kick to his stomach which brought him back to the fight. He skidded back a few meters and rubbed his tummy.

Ow, that hurt. He sighed. What is up with me today? Normally I'm not like this...

Just then his icy glare had a small glimmer of soul in it. As if seeing another assassin from the outside is slowing changing his view on life. The woman was an assassin. A very good one at that. But something about her eyes made him think about other things.

He shook his head to regain his bearings. With both blades in each hand, he took a deep breath and focused. He hadn't used both blades at once in such a long time. He wondered if he even remembered how to use those techniques. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. Of course he knew. A samurai's techniques are never forgotten.

He rotated the blades around his wrists and crossed his arms in an x. He dashed towards the woman, swinging with both blades. But what she didn't know was that only one blade had the intent to kill her, while the other served as a decoy to break her guard. Once her guard was broken, he was going to take his empty sheath and stab her in her ribs. This sheath was empty for a reason. It was made from one of the strongest materials and served as a defensive weapon.

[LocoColt04]

Okay, congratulations, everyone. These first rounds, overall, were quite impressive. Judgement will come within the next three days, and the second round will start at that time. So, if you would please, just keep an eye on your threads, and the second round will start later this week!

[LocoColt04]

I will spare everyone from post-by-post breakdowns since this is the first round, and neither Spike nor myself are really feeling up to being that thorough right now. If anyone really wants a thorough analysis of his or her own posts, please send me a PM and I will get to it when I have more time.

Let's start at the top. Piroblaze, one of your biggest issues (and it has been for years) is tense changes. You start out already hurting yourself from your very first sentence. You begin with present tense, and immediately in the next sentence you slip into past tense. It absolutely slaughters any sense of flow when you cannot remain in one tense. This continues throughout your writing, which really makes it difficult to follow what you're trying to say. From the reader's standpoint, it's very sloppy, and kills your creativity.

Makoto, your introduction made me laugh. Spike said he enjoyed it as well. Hairpin to the eye? It has a very anime-esque feel to it, but at the same time, it was realistic. Very enjoyable. Your character is evil. EVIL. Cute. One thing that does bother me just a bit is how in your second post, Akai seems to have all the time in the world to prep herself from battle. Keep in mind that your opponents won't always just stop and wait for you. To be a little more realistic about that, you should make her actions quicker, to avoid killing the flow. Remember, fast-paced excitement is key.

Speaking of realism, though... Piro. A kick to the gut has you sliding for meters? When I get kicked in the gut, I take a couple steps back and double over, perhaps falling to my knees or landing on my ass. That was a little unsettling.

In the end, it all boils down to accuracy and writing technique.

Makoto shall progress to the quarterfinals. Congratulations.