Holy Matrimony Or Holy, That's Baloney?

[Secret Azn Man]

Holy, matrimony, Batman! Seems, love and marriage no longer goes together like horse and carriage, if this article has anything to say about it!

The article states that there's a trend in Conneticut and neighboring states where the rate of marriage has declined. It states a few correlations including that those who choose to delay or simply avoid a marriage tends to be high educated as well as urban dwellers. They cite reasons such as the cost of a wedding could just as well go towards education or cost of living and that marriages offer few benefits over simply living together.

That would explain why ol' Bruce Wayne is forever a bachelor!

But seriously, I find this to be a fascinating trend. One of my brother shares a townhome and a kid together with his girlfriend but a wedding was never really their priority. To them, it's something they might do later on and nothing to rush.

Indeed, a wedding ceremony is often expensive and can be considered uneccessary in order to be legally married. Even if a couple simply chooses to tie the knot in front of a judge and pay the marriage license fee, what benefits are there to being married over say, two people in a relationship living together?

I believe there are some legal benefits and entitlements to a legally married couple involving posession, finance, insurance, etc. But often, some people don't want their worlds to collide.

But really, are marriages necessary? Some consider marriage a requirement to start a family. But why? It's purely traditional. So, my niece is a bastard. She's still in a wonderful household with two loving and nurturing parents (not to mention uncles and aunts!) It's not like growing up in a traditional family with your parents married will gurantee family stability. In fact, the article states that while Conneticut has the lowest marriage rates, it also has the lowest divorce rate. Contrast that to Arkansas, a more traditional state with the highest marriage and divorce rate.

People consider marriage necessary to express commitment. Again, why? It's a symbol, yeah, but not necessary. Besides, if marriage equals commitments, why do we have annulments and divorces?

I admit, I will most likely choose to get married for traditions sake. To symbolize my relationship. But that's really it. I don't feel it's necessary.

What about you guys? What are your views on the concept of marriage?

[Baneheart]

Marriage to me has become this reason for some women just to spend a lot of money on a "party" and such. Personally, I also think the marriage license and such is the biggest bullshit ever. Back in the day all you needed was a Priest and you could get married. It's like they make you pay for no reason at all just wanting a profit. Which is completely disturbing the reason why people DO get married also considering it usuall IS for love.

I personally want a non-exspensive wedding cause that's just me, something simple because the real celebration is at the nice hotel . Marriage, however, is not just for us to make a family. When there is someone truly special that you KNOW you could love forever that is your husband/wife. It basically is the fact you are done with your dating and have found someone worthy for yourself, and vice versa. (Which is why you do it around 25-30 XD, not 18). But yeah that's a simple belief, I'm sure others have different opinions.

[Sarah]

I'm among that group that doesn't see marriage as a necessity. I'd rather spend the few thousand dollars on school or a house, in stead of on a stuffy old tradition that exists more to appease family than to "strengthen" relationships.

Some say it helps strengthens by showing that you're committed to each other. However, I think that people are fully capable of commitment without legal documentation or consent of a church.

Another point people have made is that it would help a bad relationship form into a better one by forcing you to stay together. How does that even make sense at all? A couple would feel truly trapped in that situation if the relationship really were failing. Knowing that there would be possible financial ruin resulting from a divorce would only fuel any animosities present in the couple. There would also be the fear of a relapse of fighting if there was a period of relief... or a fear of making damaging mistakes.

I have made a choice in my life to commit to my boyfriend without marrying him. We can have a good life together and put just as much work into things without ever being married. In fact, I think it shows more strength on our part to stay committed without having a governmental or religious institution forcing us to be so.

[Yuki-onna]

I'd probably only ever get married if I chose to spawn. For the sake of the spawnees. A singular name, and money to steal from a husband should the bond ever break. For the kids, of course.

That, and it'd be hilarious to pose in a dress for a day. Me, dress, good laughs.

[Lethal Seraphim]

Originally Posted by Secret Azn Man

In fact, the article states that while Conneticut has the lowest marriage rates, it also has the lowest divorce rate. Contrast that to Arkansas, a more traditional state with the highest marriage and divorce rate.

Well... more marriages=more divorces. You can't get a divorce if you're not married...

People consider marriage necessary to express commitment. Again, why? It's a symbol, yeah, but not necessary. Besides, if marriage equals commitments, why do we have annulments and divorces?

That's a good question right there. One I don't have an answer for.

I admit, I will most likely choose to get married for traditions sake. To symbolize my relationship. But that's really it. I don't feel it's necessary.

I'm kind of in the same boat. I'll get married someday. To me it would also symbolize the relationship. Kind of cements it for me on a psychological level, ya know? Also I don't believe in having pre-marital sex(I don't have a problem with people who do though), so that is another reason I will get married. It sounds messed up when you say I'm going to get married so I can have sex, and that's not really what I mean, but yeah it's kind of a religious thing. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

What about you guys? What are your views on the concept of marriage?

Well, I like the idea. I mean, I don't have a reason to not like it. A marriage is often called a ceremony so it's... well... ceremonial. So it would make sense that a lot of it is tradition, but I don't really see a reason to not do it. Yeah it costs some money, but I don't have a problem with spending it. I know if I were to just go before a judge and do it that way then my family might feel left out, cuz ya know it's a big deal to watch your kids get married or whatever, I guess. Besides, there are insurance and tax benefits as well, so why not?

Besides, I always thought the whole thing was kind of sweet, even as just a symbol of "devotion" or whatever. So yeah, I'll get married someday.

[Crazy Chocobo]

Marriage. It's what all girls dream about when they're younger. It's a symbolic thing. I myself am not sure whether I will get married or not, I have always wanted to but I'm not too sure. I may get married a bit later on in life. Everyone who seems to get married these days gets divorced soon after. I believe you should only get married if you're very much in love with your partner. People seem to get married and get sick of each other. Most marriages these days don't even last that long. Most of my friends tell me that their parents have divorced, my parents haven't which I am very grateful of. I do think marriage is a wonderful thing but only if you are very in love with the person you are with. I believe it can work out if the couple truly love each other and are committed to each other.

[Setzer]

I believe that if you truly love the one you're with then marriage is the right thing to do. It's alot of work to set up, but it shows how you will do so much for the one you love. I think many people rush waaaaay to fast. I don't think marriage should even be considered til mid to late 20's. I don't think I would even be ready until my late 20's...like 28 29. At least by then you have a secure job and there is alot of time invested to show how much you truly care for your bf/gf. Marriage shows a true sense of how you feel and it's a good thing, it's just I think it should truly be recognized for what it truly represents. Love and determination to your relationship with the one you love forever. That's what I think anyway.

[Chez Daja]

It'd be nice, but... it's not really needed. My parents have been together for about 25 years now, and they werent married til about 8 or 9 years ago. Let me tell you this, they always had their little bickering, and my fathers' drinking was ALWAYS an issue, BUT! It was only after they got married that they began fighting more and now they're both wary and unhappy. Why do they stay together? The sake of my young brother...

I don't think my parents were ever GREATLY in love...When I ask my mother things, she just stays quiet or sighs. I think my fathers' unstoppable issue with alcohol caused her to be more frightened then him then loving or affectionate with him...

Now I've found somebody I really care about, I know for a fact it won't turn into a reincarnation of my parents, because we're both a lot different then they were. Marriage isnt a neccessity. I believe the doing something really special with or for your partner once in a while can keep a relationship strong and full of love... Not many people seem to do this.

[Tiffany]

Well... I have obviously not met the right person in order for me to want to get married. It's not even on my mind, and I'm at an age where everyone starts talking about it.

It pisses me off. I'm tired of people thinking that just because I'm a certain age that it means that I now have to put my life on hold and find a husband. I don't want to be married. At least not yet. I'm too cynical when it comes to this sort of thing, and I don't know if I trust my abilities to find someone that I wouldn't get divorced from.

I don't know if I do ever get married if I'll have a big ceremony. Instead of paying thousands of dollars on the pomp and pagentry, I'd rather take that money and go on a killer honeymoon instead. I dunno... it just seems so wasteful to me.

You never know, I could change my mind, but this is where it is right now.

[Asheis]

Marriage doesn't really serve the same purpose in our culture (western, Americanized, and other "love" cultures) that its served for much of history.

The very real problem with our marriages is how weak they are. Marriages in other cultures (while being very symbolic) are also a VERY functional practice. In western culture, we don't really treat them this way.

Basically, what marriage historically comes down to is both expanding a family's social alliances (e.g. if you get in trouble one year with your crops, I have an obligation to help you out because your son is married to my daughter), or providing a link that will keep two people together so they can provide and take care of a child or children.

When you marry for love (I'm a terribly romantic person, so this is what I’ll marry for) you're essentially taking a gamble. Which in arranged marriages you don't have to worry about, because you're marrying someone for their ability to provide for you and your children. You're also marrying their family, in case you come into some trouble.

I'm not sure exactly how long it is, but after the first two years, the chemical response to "love" cuts off, and you're on your own. This means that after those first few years, your chances of divorce basically skyrocket. That's exactly where the typical "love marriages" tend to fall apart.

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With that background aside, my main points are thus: Marriage is an important binding agreement that isn't entirely symbolic (in every culture, married people have responsibilities that go along with being married), and that the reason for so many divorces in "love" cultures is because the hormones stop pumping. Love marriages are a VERY recent thing in the world.

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I know I'm going to get married. I'll do it for love, but I won't forget the real purpose it's supposed to serve.

Hah... I really dig the cultural anthropology classes i've been taking at my college. You learn all sorts of neat things.. ^.^

[Baneheart]

Haha, dudes, I just found the most awesomely factual site about marriage ever!

http://nomarriage.com/index.shtml

Read the articles there, you'd be surprised at how bad things REALLY are. I'm so glad I already made up my mind not to marry. All it is these days is a scam for women to really squeeze every piece of humanity out of you (no matter what you say) so THEY can be happy while YOU are trying to find some other chick that can relief your depression. Here's a good article on the same site.

Originally Posted by NoMarriage.com Article

As men, we all know that a woman's primary objective is to marry. After years of experience I've discovered their most commonly used strategy. here it is:

1. Girl pressures guy for marriage.

2. Guy delays.

3. Girl gradually starts destroying guy's self-esteem and eliminating his friends.

4. Guy becomes too weak and too much of a loser to find something better than what he has.

5. Girl starts to limit sex. In effect controlling the only good thing in the guy's life.

6. Guy is in despair. Capitulates to marriage.

Then 5-10 years later the guy is an empty shell of his former self. Girl is a ruthless manipulating machine. Girl divorces loser husband. Girl takes 80% of guy's stuff because the guy is too brain dead to find a good lawyer. Girl lives happily ever after. Guy becomes bald alcoholic who dies of heart attack at 45 years old.

There's no winning situation for men. NOT TO MENTION that not only women stereotype men far worse than anyone else, but the whole view on men has been distorted because so many are trapped within the life of marriage. I'll admit I may get married around 28-30, but I'm definitely gonna be hitching someone from another country other than the US, thank god.

There's also a lot of good shit one that site, if anyone has any problems of confusing thoughts just check it out and I bet you can find out the solution. And they say men are insensitive jackass's, lol.