poetry: DOG TO MASTER

[darksephiroth]

Dog to owner

Well, owner, I’ll tell you
Life for me has not been a good home
It’s had dog pounds in it
And cages
And bitches in there
Uneasy
But all the time
I have been hanging in there
And jumpin’ around
And trying to escape
Where there haven’t anything but darkness
So, owner don’t back down
I am still livin’ woof
I am still jumpin’
And life for me has not been a good home

[darksephiroth]

i'm sorry for putting a second thread in this forum but can you forgive me.

[LocoColt04]

It's okay, don't worry about it. Still, you need to learn patience, and that applies to double posting as well. I'm sorry the Lit section isn't the most active part of the forums, so why don't I go ahead and start off with a critique for you?


The poem is pretty good. The motive and emotion behind the piece is obvious, which is what you want in a straightforward poem like this. Some of the diction is a bit strange to me. Really, it's just the line "Life for me has not been a good home" that seems awkward. Other than that, the rest of it flows together just fine.



(Oh, and I took the liberty of fixing your signature for you by removing the empty PHP tag.)

[King Fenii]

Colt is right. The meaning behind the poem is good, I just think you could've stated it better. Practice with words and find your style to become a good writer. I'm a pretty tough crowd, so you need something impressive to impress me. You did nice...but that's it, if you ask me. Like I said, practice to find your flow and you might evolve to become a very good writer.