[LocoColt04]

Well, Andro, I won't be picking on you for little grammatical things. You and I have discussed this time and time again in the past, so I don't need to push it here. Besides, if you ever want/need an editor, let me know. If I have the time, I'd be more than willing to run through and clean anything up for you, any time.

So, let's get down to business.


OVERALL FIRST IMPRESSION: Wow. Nice setup. Great opener. Being thrust right into the action works well with anime, in my opinion. It makes you wonder what'll happen next, rather than be forced to watch all the lame setup at the beginning.


UPON COMPLETION OF THE FIRST EPISODE: It seems so long for a single episode. Then again, as I believe you mentioned, it takes a lot of pages to make a 22 minute cartoon.

The first portion of the middle post was a bit slow. I guess that would probably be leading up to the commercial break? I think a great place to bring it back in would be the car chase upon departure. Another good action-packed scene which would bring viewers' (but for now, readers) attention full-circle.

From that chase onward, the rest of the episode was capturing. All of the technical talk, all of the drama... good stuff. I love that Chiko was so impatient that it came back to bite him in the ass afterward. Schoolgirl Chiko? This should prove to be quite interesting.


FINAL OVERVIEW: Very well written. I'm curious to see what's next.